freedom

2008-12-19T00:02:00.000-08:00

hello.

sha's in the shower.
which is why i've sneaked this time to blog.
its not really shiok to blog about anything when someone's
peering over your shoulder,
reading the words, fresh from your thoughts.

oh wells.
i think i'm going to nyp later.
cause sha wants to get some sweater.
i dont know why she's going to nyp of all places to buy a sweater.

but before that.
i'm making a trip to the fucking bank.
cause they fucking froze all the money in my account
and i have no idea why.

its damn bloody annoying, cause
its the holiday season and i need more money then
ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
how am i suppose to do any online shopping with no friggin cash!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i hope it has nothing to do with the insurance.
please please please.
leave me alone.
ask my mum,
she agreed to pay for my insurance.

yupp.
anyways.
i'm stopping here.
cause i do not hear the shower running anymore.
kayy.

byeeeeeeeeee!

i hope to play left for dead today.
damn fun!

2008-12-06T22:38:00.000-08:00

okayy!
so now i'm back from the 5 days escapade from home.

there are more cons than pros about deliberately leaving home you know.
and sometimes,
its takes afew days away from your comfort zone to really
know that your home has sort of been a comfort zone.

even though sometimes home seems more like a war zone.
but lets not go there.

not that i didnt enjoy myself out there.
with suddenly no rules and boundaries
it was a completely different feeling.
rather exhilarating if i must say so myself.
sadly it was my exam week.
so i couldnt really enjoy my freedom to its maximum potential.

anyways!
its my holidays now!

and i fully intend to enjoy myself!!!

so call me out people!
i'm free!!!!!

whooopeeeeeeeee!!!

2008-11-18T00:35:00.000-08:00

god.
its been ages.

but i figured i'd blog some today.

i need to express myself once in awhile.
especially in this time of need.

i'm gonna chain again.
left with like 2 stick.
so insecure.

sui's coming over soon.
projects stink.

know what,
i lost my laser pointer.

:(

it just dropped out.

and the batteries and all fell out.
so the only thing thats left is that end of it.
thats attached to my keys.

now i have no light to guide me through my house
when i come back late and
all the lights are off.

and no laser pointer to
point at stupid cats,
and laugh in amusement while they chase the red dot mindlessly.

i lost a thing that i really liked.
besides that laser pointer.

but lets not go there.
its too depressing.

i cant bear to blog alr.
bye bye.

2008-08-31T00:03:00.000-07:00

I cant remember what day this was.
But we had fun.

Cheryl, looking very happy to have her photo taken.

Zhiyi emo-ing? and kim very happy with her cards.

My sensi sensi nat. haha.

this is the only picture out of like 10 which i allow to be posted up.
because i swear i look deformed in the rest.
so nat, please be understanding if your face does kinda look "hamsterish".
haha.
sacrifices must be made.
haha.
i love you!

and this is the FEAST that we Sk, connie and i had yesterday
at newton.
we managed to finish like 80 percent of it.
which was a huge feat for us,
considering sk and i full bellies of beer before that.

connie the pig.

and yes, our 28 dollar crab, which i found quite sandy.

so-so oyster omelette.

the "newtown must have stingray"

sk's buns. haha. no pun intended.

and i swear the chilli kankong was friggin good.
my mouth is watering.
damn.

and finally, sha. because i cant help trying to capture her.

How long are you going to stay mad at me,
for saying what i felt.
albeit , those words were said in a thin haze of toxication.
but how long are you going to punish me for it.
Don't do this to me.

2008-08-09T07:55:00.000-07:00

so here i am.
alone at home today.
technically i am, because my dad doesnt count.
i'm pissed off with him.

he refusd to let me stay over at grace's place,
even though i sacrificed my pre-arranged outing with my friends
to go out on national day, all dressed in red.

i rush home from sha's house just to be back on time to watch the ndp telecast with him,
and i'm not even allowed to stay over at my best friend's place?
like how unfair is that to me.
when do i ever get to stayover anywhere?
Camps not included.

now i assume that everyone is there.
drinking the two bottles of chivas,
which i'm craving for now, and
playing majong with i'm dying to learn.
fucker know.

and so.
i'm just going to post up pictures.
yes yes.
its a rare thing.
but i'm feeling patient with blogger today.

and so below are the photos of The Singapore Garden Festival.
Held at suntec city, in one of the expo halls.

actually, it was so huge that it took up 2 whole levels.

i'm not into phototaking.
so i just took afew pictures, since
everyone around me were snapping away like crazy,
i just had the kiasu urge to push my way into the front
to get the best shot.
haha.
cant lose to crazy old auntie's with lao pok phones.

These gardens are completely real.
Those landscape artistes won awards for their gardens.

This is actially an underwater garden thing.
my phone couldnt capture it well, but there were actually bubbles loating around.

okayy.

enough.

and yes i know these are a tad bit vain-ish.

but bear with me once in a while.

besides, sha was taking a shower

and i had nothing to do.

but the sepia effect is driving me crazy and i only want to take photos

with this effect from now on.

besides, zhiyi secretly thought she looked good in her bacl and white shot and

asked me to bluetooth it to her, but she still refuses to admit it!

Ng zhiyi! youre as vain as i am!!!!

oh.

nat's here.

so i'm done.

bye bye.

2008-08-02T19:33:00.000-07:00

you always react like this.
no matter how i try to make this better.
it never even occured to you that you didnt confirm anything with me.
its always "see how" or "maybe later".
If you would confirm something with me for once, than maybe you wont have to blame me later for making other plans.
and i've told you so many times,
no one can replace you.
and yet i find that i have to keep apologising for every single damn thing.
i'm sure i have been a bad friend, because i know you need me, and it seems like i'm not
around to spend time with you alone, like how we used to.
but you dont give me chance to try.
everytime i open my mouth you shoot me down.

i have so many things to tell you,.
stuff that only you can understand, and help me sort out.
but you choose to blame me for ditching you every time.
and i always have to try and apologise.
when was the last time you said sorry for anything?
or maybe you dont ever have to.
cause i'm always in the wrong.
i'm just not good enough.
i dont bother trying.
i'm always the first to ask about you before any event.
"where is she?"
"did you call her"
"is she coming?"
but i guess you're not around to hear it.

you make me afraid to ask you out now.
because whenever i do, i earn a sarcastic reply before anything.
i just cant please you, and everything i do pisses you off.

and you.

do i really behave like such a monster that you have to resort to
warding your friends away just to please me?
am i really such a tyrant?
i told you so many times already.
that the last thing i want you to do is to cut of your friends just because i haven learnt to control my emotions.
i told you i was trying, learning.
why couldnt you wait for me.
do you have any idea how much it hurts to hear what you told her?
how it makes me look?
what if she really needed someone to talk to and you werent around because "i'd get angry."
you think i'd truly want that?
you really think i'm that sort of selfish person?

i know you were only trying to prevent problems.
and i know you were just thinking of me when you did it.
but i wish you understood me better.
but you dont.
and it hard to say if you ever will.

i'm turning into something that i've always scorned when i saw it in others.
if i need to make this stop,
i will.

2008-07-20T06:34:00.000-07:00

i see you everyday, you're a habit i dont ever want to kick.

Chua and his tic tacs, sharp comebacks and cool smiles. Woo!

even though they stole my phone and camwhore with it (this is just one of the MANY pictures.)
i love them till no end.

kim, remembering what you did with the price tags on the sunglasses still makes me laugh.

And nat, who i can always count on to be there no matter what.
See, even non-humans like my sister loves her.

okayy.

so these are just afew random pictures.

it seems today is a lucky phone day.

like for once, i can actually see that my phone card file

pops up right after i connect the usb to my com.

it normally doesnt, and i dont know how to rectify it.

just been hanging out with the same people.

cheryl has just been a permament "cannot-do-without" fixture in my life right now.

and of course there's sha.

:)

alot has been going on right now.

trust me.

i do mean ALOT.

and it seems that none of it is in my hands anymore.

not that it ever has been if you choose to look at it in a pessimistic light.

i wonder if it was foolish of me to trust you.
i pray i'm wrong.

but whatever is it, i've had enough.
i wash my hands off everything.
and i'm just going to focus on myself now.
on the things and on the people who are important to me.
and who will never let me down.

i'm not going to tell you how badly you disappointed me.
It hurts to think you even said that.

2008-07-12T22:01:00.000-07:00

i know, i dont update anymore.

sometimes i wonder if i should just stop blogging completely.

there are so many things i wanna say, let out, but i dont think i can find the words that will fully express what i mean.
so whats the point.
and then there are some things that i cant say out loud,
but yet weigh so heavily, so much so that i find myself sighing so often now.

my days have been relatively good.
you know? filled with friends and just alot of fun.
but yet i know that some of us are just falling apart,
and i'm not sure how long i can hold us together.
i just wish some of us would try harder.
because i'm getting tired.

Why cant some people learn to be more sensitive, and others try to be less so.
and why cant we just give in sometimes, and let it go.
and why cant you see that your strong headedness is really hurting people around you?
do you really need me to say it out loud?
What happened to give and take.

Thats just the way we're built i guess.
Different, individuals.
i just hope that is this just a temporary rough patch that we're going through,
and that it will pass soon enough.
but if its a rough patch, its a really long one.
when its over, i pray all of us will be left intact.

And as for you.
cant you see how much you're tearing us up?
When will you stop?
No more games please.

this is such a wishful post.
i just keep wishing things could be different, better.

i know i'm weak, behind my tough facade.
because i let other make decisions for me sometimes.
but the opinions of people i care about mean alot to me.
and it just hurts when i feel that no one is behind me in this decision.
fully anyway.
Even if you disagree, at least dont let me hear about it.

Because of all this, i cant go anywhere, i'm afraid to make any decision.
how weak is that.

This is so wrong,
but it sure feels right.

2008-06-25T00:01:00.000-07:00

fuck it.

2008-06-16T10:22:00.000-07:00

This shout out goes out to Natalie Long XIN MEI

I LOVE YOU !!!!

When you've had enough,

dont hesitate to let yourself go.

I'm too selfish,

I know.

2008-06-11T10:23:00.000-07:00

its been a crazy few days.
and nights.

learnt two new card games.
bridge and,
homojalae.

i'm more sucessful at the latter.

just cant get bridge very well.
oh wells.

been hanging out with some new faces.
its been fun, crashing practically everywhere that will have us.

mac cafe
starbucks
mos
kfc
my void deck
vann's void deck
my house
anywhere
everywhere

even in the midst of a bloody thunderstorm.
we braved the wind and rain,
huddled pathetically in a corner,
squatting on the floor
because all the chairs were wet.
screaming at cockroaches and cringing whenever lightning strikes.
smoking stick after sticksbecause that was the only thing we could do,
and eyeing the ciggarette butt carefully when we flicked it,
lest the wind blew it back to us.
haha.
but all of it was good.
wet, cold but fun.

and we had yow to entertain us with her performances.
and cheryl's big coconut and toffee sweets to keep us happy.
:)

haha.

i suppose its just a way of passing time.
the sort of endless, pointless time that holidays just seem to have in abundance.

at least i'm having fun doing nothing.
and once in awhile, its good to get to know different people.

of course my f7 isnt forgotten.
movie on monday.
get smart.
be there or be square.
haha.
and if you dont know about it by monday than serves you right for not reading my blog.
HAH!

wait a minute.
when does get smart premiere?
shit.
need to find out, perferably by sunday.
but
i'm too lazy to check now.

going to stop here.

i'm so sorry.
i didn't mean for this to happen.

2008-06-07T09:50:00.000-07:00

this is stupid.
my movie is taking damn bloody long to load or buff.
whatever.
after like ages, only like 3 percent has been loaded.
wtf.

i'm so tempted to DELETE all my brother's
DOTA and WOW. shit.
he keeps insisting that those have nothing to
do with the slowness of the com.
but i disagree.
the only way to find out is to delete it while
he's away at camp.
HAHAHA.

but i darent.
he'd kill me.

so anyways.
went out again today.
but didnt drink though.
cant possibly be drinking like everyday right.
just did that last night.
i use to hate alcohol.
but now, i crave for it.
like, i feel like guzzling down mouthfuls of icy cold beer.
whoooooo.

but its not really that nice when you drink it.
its nicer just thinking of gulping it.

okayy.
lets check my movie.

oh wow.
9 percent loaded.
fuck.

have to get up early to go to NKF with my mum tmr.
she wants me to sit and listen
to her while she give health counselling to her patients.
nice.
"exposure" she calls it.

i wonder if smoking is allowed on the compound.
hahaha.

my aunt from malaysia is here again.
very good.
now i have free clinic facial cleanser to use.
haha.
everytime she comes i make the most of her cleanser.
not that she knows though,
but i consider it my due, since its only
right that i use her nice facial foam if she's using my shampoo.

my face feel so smooth.
wish my mum were that type.
but no.
she doesnt believe in paying good money for such facial products.
insists that her skin is good BECAUSE she doesnt use such stuff.
damn.

WHAT. only 15 percent?

urghh.
i have nothing left to say.

had a nice talk with cheryl today.
about like relationships and stuff.
over our usual kfc.
(gotta stop eating that)

talked about how all of us have been GREAT BIG FOOLS.
really.
i mean, ask anyone,
they'd all admit to having been someone's fool.
i would say "fool in love" but i dont really believe in love, so ya..
not that kind of love anyway.

i swear at all cost,
i'm never going to be anyone's fool anymore.
once was more than enough.

i love my life now.
really love it.
hanging out with the same people, people i'm comfortable with.
people whom i dont have to explain to and continously prove my worth to.
i really hate that you know.
constantly feeling that i have to prove to people that i'm not stupid.
when did my life get to this?
after getting into ITE?
(yes, wow finally spelled it out)
when is this going to end.
this constant fear of being automatically labelled dumb.
and my defensive attitude?
sometimes i wonder if i'm an embarrassment.
you know, to my family and friends?
like openly, everyone tells me they are proud of me.
and yes, i believe that.
but sometimes, i wonder if ever,
at work, if someone asks my dad "where is your daughter now?"
wonder if he lies.
or maybe he tries to change the subject.
i know i do.

what if my friends say "yupp, all my other friends are in poly and jc."
does that happen?
or is it just my doubting mind?

that why i detest attending family functions and meeting new friends now.
i'd rather stick to those who understand me.
and know that i'm not really stupid.
and would never make such joke at my expanse.
cause it can be such a chore sometimes.
trying to explain and prove myself.
tiring, you know?

well.

dont know how all that came up.
but really.
except for the occassional hiccups.
everything else is going great.
my friends, school, even life at home is unusually smooth.

i just love having a goal, a passion, and drive.
friends and family just complete it all.
no commitment, no stress.
its about all i can manage right now.
yupp.

great.
29 percent.
haha.
fuck it.
going to watch tv and drink soup.
at least i dont have to wait for my tv programme to bloody load.

bye bye!!

2008-05-30T10:12:00.000-07:00

okayy.
so i'm here to blog.
a short post.

just came from town.
ponned sch today.
spent my entire day wasting away at lido mac cafe.
i swear theres nothing nice about that place other than
the fact that the smoking area is rather big.

the drinks there suck.
i'd rather pay more for a starbucks anytime.
there is no air con.
but i cant really complain since i like the smoking area, and there are fans.

watched Narnia.

Whoooo.
Prince Caspian is HOT!!!

i really think he's like one of the hottest guys i've seen in like a long long time.
SERIOUSLY.
if i were the girl that he likes,
i'd NEVER return to the real world.
NEVER.

anyways.
had fun slacking there.
spent ages making weird DJ sounds with germaine.
like "Wrakka Wraakka WRAKK!!!"
We spent quite awhile composing the track and even found
a part for a third person to join in.
So any takers?

oh God, my face is itchy.
can some one please tell me not to scratch my face!!!

okayy. i officially have nothing to blog about.

whatever.

i think i shall just attempt to post some pictures.
but before that
i shall do the control c thing.

vann and ryl.
camwhoring queens.

group photo taken after Zoo.
see how happy we look.

thought i'd just post this up before someone else beats me to it anyway.
see how happily COCK i look.

group photo.
Wheeeeeeee.

and this is grace yow.
leading the troops.
with a stuuupid look on her face.

and us.
trying to find our way around.

quite a nice, incomplete picture.
but i look quite okayy.
so i'd post this one too.

and just in case you cant see.
thats sasha i'm lugging on my back.
my knees were buckling.

yupp.
thats all.
you can have no idea how long it took me just
to post this meagre number of photos on my blog.
pls be appreciative.
I TOOK DAMN LONG.
omg.
and i lost like so many photos along the way.
if it werent for the control c thing that sha just taught me.
i'm screwed.
okayy.
byeeeeeeee.

2008-05-26T04:52:00.000-07:00

omg.
i'm fucking pissed.
i just spent like 2 hours.
typing out my birthday at the zoo.
and i lost it all.
fuck.

anyways.

for those who took part in my birthday.

thank you.

it was the best birthday ever.

Fseven,

nat,

sasha,

shanna.

zhiyi,

fat maid,

meryl.

and everyone else who wished me.

thank you.

i wanted to type out a long entertaining post.

but now i'm just too fucking pissed off alr.

so those who are interested, please refer to other people's

blogs for photos.

i'm going to bury myself in a hole now.

bye.

2008-05-21T21:56:00.000-07:00

m
okayy.
i'm currently typing with the smallest font ever.
but its just for now, while i'm still blogging.
cause i'm in the Multimedia library again.
and its crowded today.
and i dont want any one reading behind my shoulder.

anyways.
going to the zoo
on my birthday.

with F7.
but my three longs and zhiyi are invited too.

its already thursday, but i'm stll not sure what time we're meeting and stuff.
thanks to my dad's company's family day thing.
but not to worry.
i'll confirm it by tonight.

i think the zoo is gonna be really really fun.
cant wait to breathe in the ANIMAL AIR.
HAHAHAHA.

had a test today.
made a futile attempt by asking sk over to study with me.
i guess i never really learn my lesson.

studying and friends just dont come together in the same sentence.

had fun though.
sk couldnt stop laughing at me
cause i rolled on my specs the other day,
bended it quite badly.
and now it sits quite distortedly on my nose.
haven really gotten around to fixing it yet.
and i've already gotten used to the awkward angle.

oh wells.

not like i wear my glasses out anyways.

oh god.
my back aches like mad.
i've already taken one panadol extra.
think i'm gonna pop in the other one.

kayy.
enough blogging.
i dont really feel comfortable with like people walking behind me and stuff.
toodles.

2008-05-14T22:03:00.000-07:00

okayy.
i guess the only i ever get to blog is in school.
during Sports and wellness.
hahahaha.

whatever.
its not like keeping your stamina up is gonna be important
when you're too busy inhaling lung food at every opportunity.
who cares.

had a test today.
i think i screwed.
but when i say "screwed" i dun mean like FAIL.
i mean like "B" for sure.

but who cares.
its only an elective.
and i've decided not to work my ass off
for exams and stuff that much anymore.
i'm not gonna waste tears and shit on that.
cause exams are only like worth so little credits where it counts.

Hosiptal attachment is more importants.
so i've decided to delegate my energies into
thinking of ways to bribe my lecturer instead.

whatever.

okayy.
so its alph's birthday today!

happy birthday phonsus!!!

guess what we pooled together to get for him?
hahaha.
a "ginny" pig.
hahaha.
okayy.
so i cant spell the word.
and the school computer is too slow for me to bother
going to dictionary.com to check.
so yupp.

cool right.
i think its damn cool to get a "ginny" pig for your birthday.
not that i'm hinting.
i cant keep one.
remember what my dad did to my mouse?

sigh.

eh wow.
it been half an hour and window's messenger is still only 6% done
with downloading.
fuck.
means i dont think i can ever use msn on this com.

but i'll definately keep trying.
i feel like ponning school again tmr.
but that wont be like a good idea.
but if i do, i'll have a long weekend.
:)
hmmm.

anyways.
lets think of stuff to blog.

oh yes, my birthday is coming up next week.
and i had plans to go to the zoo,
since its a saturday and all.
BUT.
my dad had to have his stupid company family day on that day too!
and he insists that i go!
like WTF.
and i did try telling him that i had plans and stuff.
but did he listen?
Nooooooooooooooooooo........

so now i have to g to the stupid singapore discovery centre
on my birthday instead.
urghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

sick sick sick.
and i cant go to the zoo.
unless of course its in the afternoon.
but like who goes to the zoo in the afternoon?
huh?
wtf.

how now brown cow?

maybe i'll ask him again soon.

ughhh.

okayy.
i'm stopping here.

friday hurry come.

2008-05-07T23:35:00.000-07:00

ugh.
about time
took this damn school computer like
exactly five whole minutes to load this page.
and i thought my new campus was loaded with all the
newest, fastest, savvy state of the art technology.
bull.

as you can tell, i'm still in school.
its supposed to be Sports and wellness period now.
but i have the bestest S&W lecturer in the world.
and he even told us that
if we didnt want to perspire, we could go slack in the air conditioned gym
(which is what i did last week)
or we could go sit down on a bench somewhere
until it was time to take attendance and then return to the stupid
stuffy sports hall.
he completely understands us and never forces us to participate in S&W.
eitehr that,
or he doesnt want to risk being nasty to his future caretakers in the hospital.

fuck.
my bloody keyboard is screwed.
the fucking "r" keeps popping out.
damn bloody annoying.

anyways.
so here i am.
in the multimedia centre.
making full use of the vast array of state of the art equipment
easily available for the students's convenience and learning.

and here i am still struggling with the fucked up "r".
okayy.
i'm officially pissed of with my bloody keyboard.
do you have any idea how many times i've had to delete my sentences.
because most of the words look like this "arrrrrrrrrrray".

sucks right.
forget it.
i'm off.
toodles.

2008-04-27T03:06:00.000-07:00

Since you, apparently don't seem to give a shit.
And i'm sick of giving a shit.
Then we'll just forget about it.

Whatever floats your boat.

2008-04-20T03:33:00.000-07:00

i'm not gonna start with
"i have nothing to blog about."

because i have endless things that i want to say,
all fighting within me to get out, but dare i allow them to?

so i'll just type and type, keep my fingers moving, and maybe the courage will come
to allow me to share on script, what i darent share on lip. (Ooo. Rhymes.cool.)

so, its been a busy busy week.
theres hardly time for me to catch my breath, before
i have to turn off the lights to sleep
if i want to be able to keep
up with the next day.

and this hour that i've given to blogging, rightfully belongs to
my project work,
which is due on tuesday, and is barely even started.
DONT, even begin to ask me why.
One word,
procrastination.

shit.
my mum is in a bitchy naggy irritable mood,
and she's looking for the hole paper puncher,
which i distinctly remember being the last one to
use it to punch holes in my worksheets.
and i gave the extra one to nat. haha.
i can hear her working herself up into a fit from here.

leave me alone.
leave me alone.

anyways.

went for gabriel's 21st birthday party at an east coast chalet yesterday.
it was one of those barbeques that actually had edible food.
now that i think of it, i wish i had eaten more of the curry, and sotong.
shit.
i'm hungry.

before that, i was in town with Yow and suisui,
buying gabby's present.
and before that i was in the national library, doing project research.

i keep finding myself back at school work.

i think subconciously, my responsible side is acting up.

i've been thinking of quitting, withdrawing myself from the competition thing.
World Skills 2008.
My GPA made a plunge.
From a perfect 4.0,
to a borderline 3.5.

why i do i say borderline?
because it fucking is fucking borderline.
drop anymore i i wont be able to enter
polytechnic directly.

and the best part is that,
i'm having this childish reaction, of not knowing who
to push the blame to.

my school system just doesnt help me.
i fucking hate the fucking fucked up system.

i drag my ass to school every morning,
hang onto every last word my lecturer says,
hand in my assignments on time,
study, revise (thats the dishonest bit, kay, sometimes.)
but the point is, all for what,
to get my fucking A's.

and i do, i do get my A's.

but here comes along one Clinical Practice attachment FROM HELL.
with a terror striking, always right, lecturer, who shouts
if you give the wrong patient a fucking straw to drink from,
who gives me a B.

One single B,
my first ever B.

and turns my world upside down.
she's just one miniscule step,
from crushing my dreams.

honestly.
this is going to kill me.

and who can i blame but myself yes?
for failing to be an excellent nurse.
even though i'm never late, for work or from coming back from breaks.
i have no attitude problem (i hide myself well.)
i always always try and do the best for my patients.
my colleagues love me.
i push myself.
i endure the countless ear blasting scoldings.

but what can i say.
i'm just NOT GOOD ENOUGH.
as a nurse, i'm just a bloody fucking B standard.

who the hell wants to be nursed by a B grade nurse.
not me, thats for sure.
all nurses who arent A standard should just go kill themselves.
because NO ONE wants a nurse who screws up once in a while.
it could get someone killed.
we should just fucking die.

isnt that it?

so what am i suppose to do now.
i'm sitting on the fucking fence.
one more B, one more display of inperfection,
will kill me.

i'm treading on eggshells here.

but you know, even if i know that its my fault, for
sucking as a nurse.

i seem to find so many people to blame.
i could blame the fucked up SCHOOL SYSTEM for starters.
who only think of helping those lazy fucks who dont bother to study
for the exams.
those who get Cs all the way for tests.
and when they get a single B for their attachment,
their GPA is pulled up from a miserable 2.0 to like 2.5.
and all they did was NOTHING.
they dont even care if they make it to poly.
they have NO DREAM.

but for people like me.
who would die to smell polytecnic air.
this system does SHIT.
only lazy fuckers benefit from it.
people like me, are a sad minority in my school.

and i got an A for my last posting.
how the fuck did i get a B this time round?
when i know, that i worked twice as hard.
this i can only blame myself.
even though i want to blame the lecturer.
its so easy to blame her.
for failing to assess her students properly.
its easy to point fingers at her when i look round,
at other CP groups, where lecturers give out As liberally.

what can i say,
that she's stingy with her A's?
or that she expects a higher standard from her students.

did anyone bother to ask me.
if i wanted to be judged by higher standards?

oh wait.
if she saw this, she would shout at me.

"Dont you dare say i am strict! that i expect higher standards! i say now that i'm only maintain the basic nursing care!"

sure you are.
that means that other lecturers suck.
and their idea of basic nursing care is fucked.
because handfuls of their students get As, while only one student
managed to squeeze an A from you.

and that student fucking deserved an award.

i cant help but feel that if it werent for me being in the competition, i would
have been much better off.
i would be judged according to normal standards.
i would remain invisible.
i never wanted to stand out in this school.
i never liked this school.
all i wanted was to get out of it.
and now, she's just made it so much harder.

some people just dont think of how others feel.
they dont see that their actions have repurcussions.

so now i'm trapped.
stuck.

and you know what really sucked?

a lecturer said to me,
"You are not a A student in clinical, some people just cannot do it. Dont push yourself."

What the fuck?

am i suppose to take this a compliment?
that yes, people recognise that i push myself at work.

or is it an insult?
like yes, you're are a B, and will always be one,face it, and stop bitching."

she had no idea how much it hurt to be told in the face, that i was just like that. and that i cant get any better.

they forget that i want to be a good nurse, an excellent one.
should i just give up my dream?

i thought teachers were suppose to encourage you to do better, not put you down.

i think i've said enough.
no more words can express this horrible, small, ugly feeling that i carry.
a newly planted seed of doubt.

i know i sound like a bitter, angry, spoilt kid.
like i cant face the fact that i didnt get an A, and now i'm blaming
everyone else but myself for it.

but the truth is,
i blame myself the most.
thats why i'm so angry.

2008-03-21T22:06:00.000-07:00

holidays are here.
with the exception of afew more days of additional rehab classes,
i'm free for 3 whole weeks.

of course i'm not blowing it all away on nothing.
i've got a short job thing.
doing a company health screening thing.

Nine bucks per hour.
Woo!
all thanks to sk for the lo bung (bang, bong?)

i'm currently higly annoyed.
my routine has been completely disrupted,
by my sudden onslaught of canadian and malaysian relatives.

now do i not only NOT have a room to myself,
i've taken up to hiding in the room
with my brother for fear of being overwhelmed by booming canadian accents,
chubby, boisterous cousins,
and being sprayed with spittle when ever one of them talks.

i'm naturally not a kid lover.
i dont think they are "super adorable" like most people do.
i merely tolerate kids.

occasionally, when i happen to run into a
quiet, doopey, lovable kid,
i'm known to stick out a tongue or two affectionately.

but most of the time, i just tolerate children.

but i'm in way over my head here.
my cousins are driving me insane.

its getting so bad, to the point that whenever the doorbell rings,
i run for my life into my bedroom and shut the door.
i live in fear of them.
honestly.

you might think, "oh, its not that bad la. kids only mah!"

Not.

you can ask sk for confirmation.

its like, i cant even watch a programme in front of the tv without
trying my best to either not burst out laughing,
or stand up and just asking them to shut up and get lost.

i know, i'm being mean.
but they squeezed me into the sofa, they talk sooooo loudly about what i'm watching,
giving annoying movie commentry, laughing at un-funny parts, and saying "whatever" or "thats so gay" at parts which i think ARE funny.

half the time they are peppering me with questions
in that accent that i can barely make out,
and the other half they are screaming and pointing out
that there are ants on the table,
going "Ewwwwwwww, thats a big one!"

which doesnt make sense to me at all,
because ALL ANTS ARE THE SAME SIZE! (at least the ones on my dining table are)

and i have to be understanding and paitient, because i know
that there arent any bugs where they come from, so seeing stuff like lizards and ants
are like us seeing, snow.

and then i have to swallow my irritation and repeat, smilingly for the 20th time
"yea, that was a big one, there are lots of ants in singapore."

thats not all,
they go stomping all over the place,
devouring chocolates and macdonalds, guzzling soft drinks and leaving their bottles and wrappers all over the place,
even though their mother SWEARS that they arent allowed to snack EVER.
(YEA RIGHT, as though they got to their size by taking vitamins)

and infact, sk and i were watching with morbid fascination
just yesterday, as we observed the porky little girl
pick up a packet of maltease and pop them into her mouth
when she thought no one was watching,
looking very much like a greedy little pig.

(we were both silent as we watched her, but i KNOW that same thought was going through our minds)

and she suddenly turned and caught us watching her, and she went,
"Hey! Wadda yall looking at! Why are yall starin' at me lyke daat!"

and we both had to turn away,
nostrils flaring and all,
trying our best to stifle our laughter.

i have to lock my door now.
because whenever they get the chance,
they try to open the door and barge in,
trying to prolong their stay in the room
by asking lame questions like,
"Ooooooh, whats that?"

and once they get inside they NEVER LEAVE.
and take liberties like rolling all over my bed and touching my stuff.

and i have to resort to using methods like telling them i'm going to sleep
in the middle of the afternoon
going so far with my act that i'd actually have to take of my glasses, cover myself with the blanket, and close my eyes,
before they finally get the hint and leave.

(which isnt the best thing to say because then i trap myself)

but either way i'm at a disadvantage because then they say offending stuff like,

"GOSH, YOU SURE SLEEP ALOT" or "GOD, YOU'RE SUCHA PIG."

and then i'll have to smile feebly and say stuff like
"ya, i like to take naps. haha."

honestly, they are gonna stay for one more week, and i might expire by then.

i need to get out of the house.

kill me now.

2008-03-02T09:35:00.001-08:00

sometimes, i cant help but feel like
everything i want, is taken away by some one else.

i know you might say, "then, why not fight for it?"

but sometimes, you cant fight for something
that never belonged to you in the first place.

you'll just have to watch it being led further and further away from you.

And i've come to learnt that
if you force a smile on your face long enough,
you might just fool your heart into smiling too.

2008-02-16T20:49:00.000-08:00

haha.

i just came from germaine's blogshop.

and well,
as i was looking through her Spring collection and admiring the
Chelsea in turqoise,
when i decided to enlighten my mother about how some of my friends can actually be
creative and business-ish, instead of "unmotivated and easy going" like me.

so i went out to the kitchen and called me in.
"Eh, mum. Come amd see germaine's blogshop."

and so my mother pulled herself off the chair with a heavy sigh.
As if implying "what nonsensicle thing do you want to show me now, cant you see i'm busy reading news about the world?"

but anyway, she took a look at the blogshop.
haha.
and her reaction was quite hilarious.

Well.
i was like "there."
and i began scrolling down for her.

My mum was looking at the pictures, the prices.. yada yada yada..
and she asked "She design herself one ah?"

and i was like, "No! think she so free ah. She get from a supplier and then sells
it at her blog for a higher price la. Model her clothes and all, "

"there, this is her and then that one is her sister." i pointed at the screen.

My mum was silent as i scrolled down the website slowly.
and then she blurted out a question.

"Why she so smart ah?"

Hahahaha.
i didnt quite know how to answer her question.
Like HELLO.
"Umm, she's smart because her level of intelligience is higher than the norm due to the amount
of early childhood stimulation and accumulated experiences?"

Like what kind of question was that.
More like something my stupid sister would come up with.
(by the way, she's in the room, sitting on the floor, playing with an ancient
looking lump of not-so-blue anymore bluetack, and whispering to herself.)
My sister is a nut.

so anyways.
i decided to ignore her stupidly phrase question.
so instead, i replied her with this "WHUT" look on my face.

"Err. Alot of people do it nowadays."

"not bad right." i said as i scrolled and scrolled.

Then my mum went , "Ya... Gooood."

Haha.
Funny right.
Sometimes i think i could write a book about her titled, "My Mad Mother."
I think it would be a bestseller.
haha.
Rather adorable.

yupp.
thats all.
i need to go take a nap.
have a test tomorrow and i cant afford to get less than A.
really.
i need to sleep now.

toodles.

2008-02-13T01:48:00.000-08:00

i must say.
i think there's like mold growing on my blog.

whatever.

haven been inspired to blog these few weeks.
Whatever for? Not like there's anything worth actually coming
all the way online, going through the bother of logging in
and waiting for everything to load.
by the time i reach here, i lose my train of thought.

anyway.
I'm in a rather cynical mood.
humph.
suppose its due to the fatc that its valentines day tomorrow.
not that i'm disappointed that i havent gotten a date, or that i'm
getting left on the shelf, or that i'm just a bloody WALLFLOWER.
no no, not at all.

infact, i've rather taken an optimistic view on being a single on valentines day.
Its comparative to being a virgin.
really.

i mean, for all you know, this could be my last valentine's day as a single.
And instead of being all nasty and sour about it,
i should savour every single moment.
Come on, i might NEVER have a chance to have valentines day all to myself from
next year onward.
So i'm determined to treasure tomorrow.

Hah!
take that all you valentines day COUPLE SCUM!

I'm A VALENTINE'S DAY VIRGIN and proud to be one!

har!

shit.
this post somehow still has a sourgrapes ring to it.
well,
whatever.
I'm going back towatching my show, mooning over nicholas tse,
who will be my valentine tomorrow.

fweesh.

2008-01-05T01:18:00.000-08:00

Hallo!

and so here i am.
back for another round of blogging.

Finally, i got to watch my AvP! (Alien vs Predator 2)

and i feel so proud that i was the one who
actually called together the whole movie date thing!
Ha!
i know what you're thinking "Chey movie outing only mah..."

but if you know me well enough, you would know that i'm not the sort
who likes to put things together, calling msging people.
but i did it!

But of course with the help of Bryan, who very nicely volunteered to buy the tickets in advance.

Everyone turned up in the end.
Although most had training and school, and what nots.

Lets see who came.

I, Sk, Charmaine, Ali, Gabby, Alph, Bryan, Janis, Joshua and Grace yow, who snuck in!

She's damn bloody cheapo.
hahaha.
but no la.
She watched it already and didnt really feel obliged to pay for a movie that she claims
is boring, plus she just wanted to kill time.

but when she suggested that we sneak her in, all of us just gave
awkward smiles and weak laughter,
trying not to catch her eye,
just incase she thought she had found an accomplice for her adventure.

Well, in the end, sk loyally volunteered to sneak her in, and i must say,
it was done rather well!

Wells, anyway.
We missed the first 5 mins of the movie?
somehow it always seems the case for me.
i distinctly remember missing the starting bit of AvP 1 too.

whatever.

For me, (i must emphasize on the fact that this is solely my opinion)
i found the movie not too bad.
i mean, due to the high expectations that AvP 1 gave me,
i had expected to see more fighting scenes
between Aliens and the Predator.

Notice i said "The Predator",
because throughout the entire movie,
it was just one miserable predator trying to eradicate the
entire colony of aliens that had mass multiplied and
taken over a small town.

It was kinda sad but heroic.

i mean in a "Versus" type of show, there has to be a favourite guy.

For AvP, it was so obvious that the Predator was the good guy, and the
aliens are the nasty, slimey, acid drooling creatures.

Predator was kinda given a very humanistic protrayal.
Like when he spotted his fellow Predator ally that i think sort of either crash landed
and died, or got attacked by aliens in his space pod.
either way, it was dead.

Predator sort of grieved for him.
Like gave this scary moan and all.

and so the audience is like thinking, "Awwwww, if Predator can mourn his friend's
death, means he cant be that bad after all.

Well anyway, the point is, Predator is my hero, and he's damn cool.

But compared to the first initial success of the first movie, this sequel
was slightly lacking.

i sort of expected a full fledge war between a colony of Aliens and an army of Predators.

but it was just this little Predator and his one man show against those monstrous aliens who seemed to be like
everywhere in this bloody town.
like in the school, hospital, diner, homes, electricity plants, sewers,
every damn nook and cranny.

And not forgetting this useless group of humans who were
running all about
frantically trying their very best to survive.

Well i know i'm a movie spoiler, but i'm sure you can still
enjoy the movie to its fullest as there are moments in the movie
that words can never fully explain.
so dont let my little sypnosis deter you from the movie
if you already had plan to go watch it.

anyways.
the ending was sort of unsatisfactory.

like this army colonel guy, who totally betrayed the surving townsfolk by
dropping nuclear bombs to obliterate
the entire town, and its alien colonists.

i know it was a very bastard thing for the colonel to do.
but i totally supported his decision.

i mean, like, haven you heard of "sacrifice for the greater good."

come on, lets say if you suddenly heard that
a town in middle east was completely blown off the map
because it was infested with
human eating alien life form that is reported to
breed at the rate of like 20 aliens per half an hour.

like come on.
would you go like "Omg, that asshole military, they are heartless bastards."
or would you instead say,

"Good God, i hope they did a thorough job, and completely wiped out those aliens,
otherwise we're totally done for."

I believe you would choose the latter.

Right?

i am so right.

anyways,
i'm done.
this post has been too long.
and besides.
my brother and his friends
are just lounging on the bed, and occasionally
sliding past the door just to see if i'm done using the com.
no one's prodding me to hurry up, but dont they know actions speak louder than words.
i get it.

okayy.
so i'm done here.
and off to go and _________ my _________ which i took from my ________ box.

haha.
fill in the blanks if you can.

toodles.

2007-12-27T08:44:00.000-08:00

had a fufilling day today.
my brother and i met connie and her brother
for lunch in marina square.
shopped at zara.
got two more new tops.

the thing is, i bought two tops of the same design, just in different colour.
ya.
i know its rather silly, but i couldnt really find anything else
that i wanted that was my size the at the sale.
so i just decided to get both.

anyways.
connie bought me a christmas present.
its a little tinkerbell pendant with the the word "Best"
attached to it.
and connie has an identical one that has the word "friends"
attached to it.
awww.
aint that sweet.
i love connie.
she's so cuckoo and dodo.
hahaha.
awww.
i've got that warm fuzzy feeling,
and i bet i sound crazy.

but you know what i mean.

well.

we went for dinner with the church peeps too.
at botak jones.

they have the biggest serving in the world.

and my cajun chicken was so big, i think they fed it steriods
or something.

connie was saying myabe its like a dog or something.
i think it was an ostrich.

well.
no suprises there when i could even consume half of my chicken,
even though the whole table got quite caught up
in the game of "Lets see who can clear their plates".
and gabriel started chanting" Eat Eat Eat" except that he sort of changed the pronounciation
and went "Yeat Yeat Yeat !!!" instead.

and the whole table sort of started doing it.
and there was this whole
"lets start shoving fries in our mouths" thing.

it was hilarious really.
we were all laughing and trying not to choke on our food or let it spew out
of our overstuffed mouths.

and even though connie was not a norm to the church people,
they kinda made her feel comfy i think.
as she was having the time of her life snapping pictures of the food and laughing
as she swung her scarf around madly.

typical.

hahaha.

anyways.
i have to go.
my brother is trying not not rush me,
but pretending he actually as other things to do than
play WOW.
and trying to deny that he's GREATEST WISH is for me
to GET OFF THE COM NOW.

yupp.
i feel obliged to grant his most secret desire.
so toodles.

2007-12-25T22:25:00.000-08:00

its boxing day today.
chistmas is over.
well, not exactly over, since there is the 12 days of christmas.

i just love christmas! love it!

i love the glitz and glamour of it. the pretty clothes and the
chocolates and sweets and the rich dinners,
and most of all, i love company amongst friends and family.

love love love!

been having busy busy few days.
i'm determined to enjoy myself as much as i can before my
holidays are over and its back to hospital hell for me.
with the new addition of the scariest lecturer to ever grace the hospital corridors.
i'm really dreading it.
but whatever.
if theres anything i'm good at,
its putting away unhappy thoughts and blocking them out.

anyways.
i have to go soon.
going to catch a movie.
national treasure i think,

speaking of movies.

i watched "across the universe".
it was love story, that i expected.
but everything else about the movie, i totally
didnt expect.
hahaha.

the movie was like damn crazy.
bot bad crazy, more good crazy.
but the correct word would be psychedelic.

i swear.

its like a musical filled with all the old beatle classics and stuff.

nat would like it.
i think.
except for some of the weird boring bits.

like people dancing in water,
doing water acrobats, like butt naked.
hahaha,
that i swear, was damn weird.

yupp.
thats all for now.
btw.
i got a ipod nano!!!
but the thing is, i swear, itunes is super user unfriendly.

i hate itunes.

really.

oh wells.
i'm not the only ipod/itunes user.

any tips people?

toodles!!!
and merry christmas!

you should never have said those words.
now, i'm determined to make them true.

2007-12-21T10:07:00.000-08:00

i dont care if everyone thinks i'm ugly.
i dont care if everyone thinks i'm fat.
i dont care if everyone finds what i wear atrocious.

lately it seems like everyone's on a campaign to put me down.
demeaning comments, one after another.

Theres a limit to how much i can smile, laugh, then shrug it off.
Just because i dont cry infront of you, doenst mean i dont cry at all.
it doesnt mean i dont have feelings.
and it doesnt mean you have the right to keep putting me down.

Stop it.

or rather, if you have any esteem lowering comments to say about me.
Say it when i'm not around.
Because i'm sick of pretending i dont care.

and yes.
i'll admit.
i'm shallow and superficial.
i actually care about what people think of me.
i'm happy for you people if you dont.
its a good thing.
but personally, i care.

but i know i'm good enough for my friends and family.
and so, i'm good enough for myself.
and if i'm not good enough for you, it means you're not my friend.
so fuck off.

2007-12-20T22:20:00.000-08:00

God.
Oh God.

how is it that i never fail to embarrass myself.
i manage to do that all the time.
even when i'm minding my own business at home.

you see.
what just happened was that
i was trying on my new clothes. (went shopping yesterday)

and as usual, i was prancing around at home.
singing all the first two lines of all the christmas songs because somehow
i never remember pass the first two lines.

and i happened to be singing at the top of my lungs, and at some point,
i'd be adding my own lyrics or remixing the songs.
but all that was perfectly fine, in fact,
if yall know me, its almost normal.

but i really had to go ruin it all by
wanting to see how my black stockings would go
with my green felt shoes.
and my green felt shoes happened to be outside the house in the shoe cupboard.

and as i was all caught up in the spirit of christmas,
too busy yelling christmas carols and running all over the house to think,
i ran to open the front door
all the while i was singing "this christmas"
(because that damned chris brown was just singing it on bloody mtv)

and just as i opened the front door i reached the part where the song went
"a very special christmas indeed..."

and just at the part "special"
i flung my head, in an effort to make my hair
fling prettily and to emphasize the "special".

and the door fully opened at that very moment,
to reveal the neighbour's very cute 20 something year old son
whom i hardly see as
he was just released from national service
and overhearing my mother saying yetsterday,
is very busy in NTU.

(he was waiting for the lift.)

and let me tell you.
we just stared at each other for like
3 seconds..
and bloody hell, if you actually sit back to count the seconds,
3 seconds is a bloody long time for 2 people to just stare at each other
espcially ie one of them has been singing christmas carols
on the other side of the totally not soundproof door for the past 15 mins.

yes.
and after that three seconds.
there was this mad rush,
where he hurriedly turned himself away to face the lift,
and began sucking madly on his straw
which was attached to some God knows what drink.

and i totally mortified,
had to proceed to fetch my
blasted green felt shoes from the cupboard
clad in a big ragged home t shirt and black stockings.

fuck.

you will never have any idea how embarrassed i was at the moment.

i mean.
what was i thinking.
going out to take something without first checking the peephole to see if
there was anyone outside.

and what must he have been thinking,
hearing someone howling christmas carols
in the middle of the afternoon, before seeing the front door yanked opened
only to reveal a stocking clad lunatic
in her home clothes digging for shoes in her cupboard.

fuck la.

i hope he doesnt relay this incident to his parents.
who already probably think i'm mad
since they are home more often and have caught me
in the midst of my maddness countless times already.

and i know for sure now that no one is going to touch the fruit cake that
my mum is planning to give to the neighbours for christmas.
no one would dare.

oh wells.
thats all.
just had to justify to embarassment and comfort myself.

i mean.
now that you've read this.
if you were my neighbour,
you wouldnt think i was mad right?
since you know now that i had like
good reason for lookng like that.

i mean, i was trying on clothes!

i feel better now.
haha.

Remember peeps.
dont get carried away in the spirit of chirstmas,
or you might end up like me.

toodles!

2007-12-12T07:58:00.000-08:00

Its been a busy busy week.
Filled with loads of ups and downs.

but the week's drawing to an end.
and school's officially over for me.

but i'll be gone for camp
for the next 3 days.
so i'll only be free on Sunday.

Who wants to ask me out.
Anyone?

haha.
alright.
i'm done.

Going to take my Ventolin to breathe easier.
then its bed for me.

Gdnite!

2007-12-03T08:08:00.000-08:00

Hello!

I'm so fucked.
i studied for the wrong paper.

so how?
let me tell you.
i'm done with studying.

instead, i'm gonna upload pictures of the fun i had today!
Wheeeeeee...

it was supposed to be my study day.
but happily, i met sk, zhiyi and girlfriend instead.
and we spent the whole day bumming!

sk and i went on a photo frenzy.
sadly though,
my china phone has extremely lousy photo quality.
so excuse me
if they look rather hazy.
thats the way it is.

well, if you want clearer shots, sk has more!!!

here goes!!!!!!

My girlfriend. Isnt she just the coolest?
Sk, ha! Cheeky you!
kayy.. thats just me.
and me, with messy hair.
and sk, GAMBLING!
She's so cute, LOVE HER TO BITS!

bp, girlfriend.
taking a picture, of taking a picture. hahaha.
thats us. void deck bums.
zhiyi!!! my hot fuckable!!!

me, me, me.

me being vain and silly.
i added this unglam shot, just so you'll know i'm not that vain. haha.
like what are you up to sk?
yummeelicous!!!!!!!

yupp.

that abt sums up the day.

one person's missing though.

nat.

nxt week?

2007-12-01T23:36:00.000-08:00

its sunday afternoon
and i havent even began studying.

why oh why has'nt the sense of urgency hit me yet?

like what am i waiting for?

anyways.

went out the whole of friday.
sui sui accompanied me to ttsh settle some admin stuff.

we then proceeded to penny's where she introduced me
to some tradtional myammar cuisine.
its really good people.

she ordered some fried bean thing and fried myammar tofu
(which is totally unlike our normal tofu)
which we both shared.
then there was this beehoon soup dish
that was like nothing i've ever tasted in singapore.
it had like bits of banana tree branches in it.

and i was really amazed that tree branches could taste that good.

well.
i wanted to play safe,
so i ordered a curry dish.
with butter rice.

did you know that myammar curry totally
doesnt make use of curry powder?
apparently they make use of chilli, fried onions and other stuff
to put the curry together.
savoury and spicy.

it was all really good.
now that i know where the place is,
we'll all go there sometime soon kayy?

well.
went window shopping too.
with the help of my excellent fashion sense,
sui sui picked out a super nice top from
pull and bear.

and we promised to go shopping together
when money rolls in.
haha.

we caught a movie too.
and finished up the whole carton of popcorn between
the two of us.
thats a first for me.

fred claus was an okay movie.
you know how christmas movies go.
bits of it were funny and touching.

but what we found really funny was when
sui sui turned to me and ask if i could hear someone crying.
and i was thinking like
who the hell would be sappy enough to cry in this movie.
it wasnt even that touching.

so we listen intently for awhile and
were just about to give up when we heard this
really loud sob
that came from someone in our row.
and we both looked at each other and
tried to laugh as quietly as possible.

had to leave her soon after to the movie though.
i was meeting connie and she had singing practice.

i went into this school
without ever expecting
make any new friends.

Figured i had enough true friends to last a lifetime.
And for awhile, i believed i was right.

but now,
i think i finally found a friend worth keeping in sui sui.
unexpected huh?
My sturdy, loyal, exhuberant friend.
Having her as a friend just makes going to school
a whole lot less difficult.
and a whole lot more fun.

especially when we give each other secret side-along glances
when we reach each other's thoughts.
or when we poke fun at each other.

I cant wait to see where our friendships will bring us.
:)

Watch tatooist too.
with connie phoon.
she was literally wasting her movie ticket
throughout the whole show.

everytime a scary scene begins,
she'd start covering her face or
looking down at the carpet.
and when its over,
she starts prodding me
with questions like
"what happened?"
What did you see?"
"scary anot?"

haha.
if connie werent connie,
i'd have strangled her ages ago.
haha.

but there was a point in the movie
where we both blocked out the movie
with our hands and
were sniggering uncontrollably
at our unfortunate cowardice.
so sadly,
we both missed that part.
hahaha.

friday was a fun day.

cant wait for the exams to be over.
i swear.

oh wells.

i have to go now.
sk has to go back to the shop to have lunch.
and i'm going to kop some.
hahaha.
toodless!

2007-11-29T07:50:00.000-08:00

you know the feeling,
like you have so much to say.
but dont know how to even begin to say it all.
and you question your ability to even be able to express it
in words, in such a way
that everyone understands you?

thats exactly how i feel.

thats why i just sat infront of the computer.
my fingers grazing the keyboard,
completely still.
for one whole minute.

trying to gather my thoughts,
and make sense of my feelings.

i want to talk about betrayal,
about unfaithfulness,
about regrets,
about revenge,
about intense hate,
about friendship,

and about forever.

all the good and bad.
mixed and blended into my life.
how to sieve out the bad ones
and just keep the good ones.

its impossible.
unfathomable.

thats why i'm going to stop here.
until i can make sense of this mess.

i cant bring myself to talk about it.

2007-11-23T07:33:00.000-08:00

A very important lesson i have learnt.

yes.
i'm here to educate you guys on the importance
of not listening to your mp3 whilst walking
home at night,
especially, below those creepy, empty void decks.

as you have probably already guessed,
yes this freak approached me.
and the best part was that i had no clue
i was being followed till he just popped right out from behind
one of those green pillars near the car park.

i was just walking home, along my usual route.
but this time, i forgot to be cautious and paranoid,
and so my ear phones were happily blasting away
into my ears,
and my thoughts were consumed by
the lyrics of the song. (i was trying to imagine how the singer looked like)

suddenly, out of nowhere (i swear this sounds like some typical stalker story)
this chinese guy, around his mid twenties,
just slid out from behind me.

i thought he was going to walk past.
until he turned and stood about one metre away from me,
and he began eyeing me up and down.

i swear.
there was this insane look in his eyes
as they roamed my body.

(i promise wasnt wearing anything provocative.
just a t shirt and shorts, no make up, and flip flops.
i was coming home from church dammit!)

he took a step towards me.

and i my eyes widen as i pulled the
guilty ear phones from my ears.
i swear i thought he was going to ask me for
money, or to borrow my phone or something.

He gave me this quick half-smile thing (the types only looneys are capable of producing)
and he went

"Can we be friends?"

i was stunned for a moment, before i quickly recovered and replied,

"Errr.... no.. sorry...." (and i was backing away.)

He took a step nearer.

"Can i have your phone number?" (he had this low, nasal voice. Dont ask me how a voice can be low and nasal at the same time, but he managed to pull it off.)

"Errr... sorry.. no.. i have... a boyfriend." (continue to edge away)

and this time, it was like he got bolder,and took a really big step forward.
he was practically like a foot away from me.
and i could see the pimples on his face.

"Its okay, i just want to be friends... friends, thats all."

Totally creeped out by now, i just dodged past him and began taking
quick steps towards the small road leading to the main one.

All this time i was muttering,

"Err.. no no.. its okay.. its okayy.. "

and that psycho actually followed me!

finally, i reached the small road and just before i crossed it,
that freak actually raised his voice and went,

"You wanna fuck?"

and i was like OH MY GOD.
and i freaking ran like hell across the road.

and when i reached safetly (the opposite side of the road)
i turned, and literally saw him like
"backing into the shadows."

Like how typical horror/ psycho movie is that?
come on, like what were the odds.

On top of everything else.
that guy was dressed like a bloody nerd.
a big t shirt, over below knee length burmudas and sports shoes.
and he was carrying one of those typical loserish slings bags
over one shoulder.

you tell me how corny is that,
that i got shouted "You wanna Fuck?"
by some sexually deprived nerd
who probably still goes onto IRC
and uses a nickname like , (surferDudE146)
to have cyber sex with his "online stead".

SHEESH.

but despite all the anger and scorn i have for him now.
all this bravado didnt even enter my mind at that moment.
i didnt even thing i could have screamed if he suddenly
pulled me into the bushes for a random romp.

I SWEAR.

things like caling the police, shouting for help or kicking him
in the balls just
dont cross your mind.

arghh.

and so, i hope you caught the lifelesson of this story.

yupp.

Dont ever listen to music when walking home alone late at night.

dont say i didnt warn you.

:>

2007-11-17T05:33:00.000-08:00

you know what?

well.

its official.

my parents are racist fucks.

yes.

its embarrassingly true.

i have no idea who is worst.

my dad, who openly talks about it

and actually sounds proud to be a bloody racist,

or my mum.

my hypocritical mum who pretends to have malay friends and collegues,

but is actually a secret muslim despiser.

i swear.

its horrifying.

and it all started at an innocent breakfast at the market.

it was just this morning.

but because i was so shocked by the turn out of the event,

its like my brain went into this deliberate amnesia thing.

you know, like how your subconscious self tries to protect your

sanity by deliberately trying to obliterate traumatizing memories.

yupp.

anyways, i will try to recall the series of events.

well.

i remember mentioning that grace had a malay boyfriend.

and the usual reaction from my mum.

the whole "i pity grace's parents" thing.

and i suppose i called her narrowminded and racist.

which sort of led to my dad

arrogantly blaring to everyone present that he was

"a bloody racist, and not ashamed to admit it."

and i was like

what the fuck.

then i sort of said like.

her boyfriend was like of the good sort.

you know.

like from a good, respectable family background,

well off and stuff.

and my parents totally just began shooting off a thousand other

opposite examples.

oh come on!

its not like you dont see any chinese or indians

on the streets bumming around.

please.

just take a look around my neighbourhood for an example.

there are definately loads of drunk indians and chinese.

always loitering around the coffeeshops into the wee hours of the morning.

tottering around, indulging in god knows what other vices.

anyways.

you wouldnt believe it.
because i foolishly thought that despite the many faults
my family has, i was raised in a home where tradition collaborates with
modern beliefs, and freedom of speech was encouraged.

well.
i was never more wrong.

as a result of the heated argument between my parents and i.
i got grounded.
yupp.

haha.
unfair?
lame?
unbelievable that arguing against racism got me grounded?
well.
now you know how oppressive my family is.
its like communism.
fuck.

well you see.
it was quite well under control.
until my mum had to say stuff like..

"dont ever bring a malay boyfriend home..."

which fueled my dad into saying

"if i ever see you with a malay guy, friend or whatever... i'm going to beat him up, then beat you up."

and i was like stunned speechless for a moment.
dont you find it so utterly shocking and terrifying.
that these words are coming, not from uneducated, backward fishermen or rice planters.
but urban, cultured people.
people who live and interact amongst society on a daily basis.
like hello?
am i the only one who sees something wrong here?

(by the way. this is so scary. i have to watch my back. the racists are home. and as you know.. no freedom of speech here. so i have to be sneaky about this post.haha. )

adreneline rush.
adreneline rush.
my dad just walked past.

anyway.
because i felt so wronged, i had to bitch about my parents to
my brother when i thought my dad was not around.

well.
as you know how this whole unlucky shit works.
i got caught saying stuff like..

"its karma."
"because they are so racist and bigoted, i'm going to end up marrying a malay guy."
"they just rewrote my life."
"i tell you. karma is so going to happen."

yupp.
and apparently, my dad didnt like what he heard about the
whole karma thing.
so he went.

"i know when to joke around(yeah right) and where exactly to draw the line. Dont use all this mind shit about karma with me. i'm not your mother. Dont fuck around with me."

and he continued, waving the rolled up newpaper in my face.

"Because of what you said, i'm going to watch you more closely then ever. Means from now on, no more late nights, you got yourself into this."

like what the hell.

how childish is that.
like he didnt like what i was saying,
(saying to my brother by the way.
like he had no right to evesdrop anyways.)
so he retaliated by what, grounding me?

and what did i say that was so awful?

they should ground themselves for being so damn racist.

no more late nights.

ha. what a joke.
sounded as if i had an abundance of late nights out in the first place.

wow daddy. you sure know how to sugarcoat it.

i feel so wronged.
ugh.

i almost feel compelled to get a maly boyfriend now.
just for the heck of it.
rile my parents up.
give one of them a heart attack.

i mean.
here i am, their own daughter, going off to a school that
comprises of more than a 70 percentage of malays.
and there they are,
trying to posion my thoughts with ill feelings towards my classmates?
like how immature and un parenty is that?

God.

anways.
i'm done here.
just had to vent the injustice of it all.
toodles.

2007-11-05T17:37:00.000-08:00

oh god.
that took about long enough.
do not be fooled by my school's outwardly posh, urbane cosmopolitian design.
the computers have the pentium ability of a snail.

okayy.
as you have already guessed by my post,
i'm currently in school.
supposed to be doing some lame project about the
food paradises of singapore (like how primary school is that?)
but i've given up on the computer's ability to work with me, and so i've
decided to to do constructive blogging instead.

yes yes.
i know that i've been a horrible, bad, neglient blogger.
and the fact that i have a computer at home
with accessible internets makes it even more unexcusable.
but i've just been so sick of struggling with blogger.

i swear.
i did try the other day.
to put up this really entertaining gory post.
it took me ages to type out.
followed by a long tedious process of pasting the pictures.
yes. i included pictures.

but, typically of blogger, it left me hanging again.
happily though, i managed to save everything.
however
i darent try posting it here.
with this unstable computer.

so the purpose of this post for me, was mainely to kill time.
and also t inform you guys,
to keep visiting my blog!

hahaha.

yupp.
oh ya.
just incase you guys didnt already know.
i appeared in the newpapers.
hahahah.
looked like bloated nurse.
oh wells.

anyways.
one more thing.

Happy Birthday VANN!!!
you finally caught up!!!!!!!!!!!

We love you!!!

2007-10-18T07:01:00.000-07:00

okayy people.

i have stuff to blog about.

gross, queasy, hair raising stuff.

if you're squeamish, and wish to retain whatever's left

of your good image of me in your mind,

then i suggest you dont read this.

hahaha.

because i'm about to reveal how disgusting the real sara is.

Muahahahaha.

okayy.

just to whet your appetite up for the real thing,

i shall tell you about my brother's abnormal, borderline psychotic reaction

when he came home from work yesterday.

you see.

he's currently having his week of attachment

as the A&E Emergancy department.

yupp.

and while i was using the computer yesterday,

eagerly trying out my new game

RollerCoaster Tycoon 3 (okayy, i know thats abit slow)

my brother came prancing into the room.

Fresh home from the ER,

with a excited smile on his face.

"Hey hey look, look!!"

(he waves wildy at me, trying to get my attention.)

and i turned reluctantly from my game, and look at what i saw,

yupp.

Your guess is correct!

Thats blood alright.

and he got its sprayed all over his uniform.

on his shirt, and pants,

and he even turned to the back and showed me the additional sprays

behind.

well, coming from a family of nurses, and also due to the fact that i

was too engrossed in choosing the colour of balloons in my theme park,

i didnt even bother to ask him how he got vandalized by blood.

however, even if i did, (which i swear i dont), i cant possibly blog about it.

since its like breaching the "code of confidenciality" (however you spell the word).

yupp.

so too bad peeps.

no gruesome, bloody juicy murder story.

and just for your information,

i wasnt the one who took the pictures of the bloodstains.

my over excited brother did.

with my phone.

anyways.

guess what just happened awhile back that was responsible

for my sudden urge to blog.

haha.

less than 20 mins ago (okayy, might have been abit longer than that since it took me while to do the pictures and shit.)

while i was in my own room,

happily minding my own business.

i heard my mother exclaim loudly from the kitchen.

"OH GOD!"

And that soon followed by an expected,

"SARA! WHAT DID YOU PUT INSIDE THE MICROWAVE OVEN!"

and i was like "oh fuck, what did i do."

and i sat for awhile, trying to rapidly recall my microwave history over the past few days.

but to my avail, i couldnt for the life of me remember using the microwave recently.

anyways, i rose heavily from my chair, sighing and being all "resigned to my fate".

and when i got to the kitchen, my mum and dad were just both standing there.

looking at me with an unreadable expression.

sort of like they didnt know how and what to think.

haha.

it was quite a funny moment.

but i was used to these kinda situations.

so i went over to the oven and cautiously pressed the open button,

making sure to keep utmost distance and held my breath.

and when the oven door sprung open

(all went deathly still for a moment).

and i peered at the object on a plate, narrowing my eyes and scrutinizing it.

take a look at what i saw.

and try to figure it out for yourself.

hahaha.

can you tell what is is?

i think not.

it was like that for me too.

haha.

only until my mother went very disgustedly

"i think its a sausage."

i know the pictures arent very clear.

but they will have to do.

do you have any idea how difficult it was for me to reach my hand into the microwave to snap pictures of that?

anyway.

yupp.

they are sauages.

left to gather mould for many many days,

haha.

kinda looks like thsoe chicken cheese sticks from burger king huh?

hahahaha.

used to be my favourites.

oh wells.

i'll just leave you to digest this.

hope you've eaten dinner.

or if you haven.

hope you're not the sqeamish type.

hahaha.

toodles.

(by the way. this post was pretty old. but i never got ard to posting it till now. but whatever. haha .)

2007-10-16T02:37:00.001-07:00

i didnt have school today.
due to some shit my school won.
and instead of going out and making use of this holiday.
i've been rotting in front of my com for hours.
hooked onto that darn facebook.

do i not have life or what.
god.
haha.

its raining.

here i am killing time.
more more hour to go before my korean show starts.

anyways.
just to get you all updated about school.

changed class.
and it not a routine change.
like they just picked me up and placed me into another random class.
and so,
along with my two other friends, amanda and sui sui
we went in search of our new classmates.

cant say i'm totally bummed about changing class.
i'm quite glad to leave some annoying people really.
anyways, doesnt matter where i go.
i'm getting out in one and a half years.
haha.

anyways.
im bored.
and i have nothing interesting to say.
so i'll spare you guys and stop here.

im on fire and now i think i'm ready to bust a move.

2007-10-12T08:10:00.000-07:00

I stared at the Sun.

hey hey!

finally.
my brother is out.
and i have my chance to grab these few miserable hours
before the computer hogger hogs the com agaain.

i was supposed to have been blogging 2 hours ago.
when i first came online.
unfortunately.
i decided to sign into face book, where i got hooked on
to superpoking people, biting them, pirating etc for like 2 hours.

i swear.
facebook is a good for nothing,
unbenefical,
complete waste of time,
thats just so addictive and fun,
that you cant help but love it.

forget friendster people!
thats a thing of the past!

face book is the new phase!!!
(no pun intended, haha)

anyways.
i had fun yesterday.
fun fun fun.

managed to catch the movie resident evil :extinction

it was Goooooooood.
i mean for a typical bad babe wielding, gun shooting, zombie chewing movie.
it was good.
but beware of your foul language people.
based on personal experience.
cause i sure couldnt help but blurt out the f word
every other minute or so.
it got quite embarrassing.
hahaha.
throughout the whole what, 2 hour movie? i was like :

"fuck la!"

"woah. That asshole is a fucker sia."

"Bloody fucking coward!"

"Omg.. OMG. FUCK FUCK!"

HAHAH.
i swear.
my language was that dirty.
its just something that the movie does to you.
makes you all involved and intense.

oh wells.
go catch it if you can.
its not bad.

anyways.
thats all for this post.
toodles.

Dont stare at the sun.
Because when you turn away,
you're blind to everything else.

2007-10-05T23:22:00.000-07:00

and so.
i've been busy the past two days.
trying to squeeze as many activities as i possibly can in my days.
make the most of my two weeks.
and i'm loving every single moment of it.

went nyp yesterday.
it was sk's dance showcase day.
unsurprisingly so, she shone like a beacon.
anyone can tell, just by looking at the way she dances,
the myriad of expressions across her face,
how much she loves dancing.
She was literally living for that moment.
and watching her preen, pout and pose
as she grooved,
put a big smile on my face.

Our very own Dancing Doll.
:>

Nat and i left soon after her performance.
There were many other groups that were waiting for their turn to perform.
and since we'd already seen sk dance,
we didnt see a point in staying to watch anyone else, since they'd be
merely mediocre compared to her.
plus she had some group supper thing afterwards.

so we went on our way to meet vanesa and cheryl
who were already in town having dinner.
nat and i had a miniscule tiff about taking the mrt imstead of the bus.
and she ended up sulking for half of the journey.
Awwwwwwwwwww.
hahaha.
but i managed to distract her out of her mood by
taking photos of my handphone keychain with my phone.
hahahaha.

so we met them and spent ages looking for something to eat.
not that there wasnt enough food in taka.
but the problem was that we were spoilt for choice.

anyways.
went to lido to slack.
we sat there and just talked
and talked
and talked.
till the wee hours of the morning.
we were talking about the
TABOO TOPIC.
Calli Too.
haha.
and we were all giving involuntary shudders
and rubbing away all the goosebumps that rose.
In conclusion.
She still sucks big time.

The face of Evil constantly changes yet remains the same.

We were so engrossed in our recounting of the past that we forgot the time.
but my dad and to remind us
with his blasted phone call.

"where's my Filet O fish?"

like does my phone number resemble the macdonald's hotline to you?

Like hello.
Haven you heard that macdonalds has gone 24 hours?????????

geez.
some people really need to get out more often.

anyways.

I AM SCANDALIZED!

you see.
i gulibly went over to nat's house that day.
thinking to spend a relaxing, fun day with her, sasha and shanna.
but i foolishly failed to foresee the hidden dangers.
and got attacked by an unstoppable ferocious beast called "Shanna long"

Apparently, the cousins' idea of fun
was to torture me.

so while i was innocently perched on the bed.
shanna lounged at me and began jabbing at my ribs
and scratching away at my feet.
omg.
it was pure agony.
and all the while,
THEY WERE FILMING ME!!!!
and posted it on you fucking tube.
like how sick is that!!!

i tell you.
they were HAVING THE TIME OF THEIR LIVES.
watching me suffer as
i gasp for breaths in between screams and involuntary laughter.

and obviously the video of me was totally unflattering,
with me screaming my head off and flinging myself all over the bed.
in stark contrast,
nat tooks obvious pains to stay out of the video completely.
that pig!
and my failed attempts to face the camera at her in the end
was just as it was.
Failed atempts.

The injustice of it all.

I know i can hardly stop yall from watching the video.
SO FEEL FREE.
since nat has already nastily gone ahead and put the link on my tag board,
knowing that i'd be clueless as to how to remove it.

and i'm extremely freaked out by the few comments that were posted.
like:

"Lol. i wanna tickle sara too."

wtf?
haha.
the whole video (round one and two)
just has this porn feel
thats just gross.

okayy.
enough said.
i dont think i can go on to describe anymore.

await my revenge!
Justice will prevail!!!!!!!

Where is your boy tonight?
I hope he is a gentleman.

2007-10-02T22:30:00.000-07:00

is it just me?
or has the whole world gone ahead and gotten themselves
attached while i was buried up to my head in books, slaving away in school?

geez.
not just one person.
but we're talking about at least 3 people here buddy!
like what the hell happened to "Single is the way to go!!!"

oh kayy.

i'm starting to sound a little sourgrapes here.
hahaha.
But thats not true.
i'm not being selfish and nasty.
Its just that 3 people in a span of less than a week?
Come on!
Thats slightly too much, even for me to digest!

I must admit though, amidst all that
disbelief and indignation,
I am rather happy for all of you.
after all, the whole "i've found my better half thing"
is a rather happy occasion.
i sincerely hope you get all the perks
i read about in my storybooks.
haha.
Ooooooooo.
Raunchy.
hahahaha.

okayy.
ignore that last bit.
That was my perv side showing.
haha.

Anyways.
i guess the point of this post was not to reprimand anyone.
It more of focuses on me.
And how sometimes,
it feels like everyone else has the god given ability to move on,
except yours truly!!!

In like a whirlwind,
all my friends suddenly have boyfriends!!!

LIKE WHERE THE HELL IS MINE?!!!

Not that i'm lamenting my boyfriendless state.
but i'm not exactly relishing it either you know.
and who's fault is that.

(pauses for a long moment, stares sulkily at the computer screen)

okayy.
lets not point fingers here.
cause you know how the saying goes.
"when you point at someone, there are 4 other fingers pointing back at blab blah blah."

and so.
i guess i've just gotten an advance little expresso taste
of how an old maid feels.

when she's invited to all her best friends's weddings,
sitting near the stage, decked in all her grand finery, made affordable
by her single status, her make up and haircut achieving the desired effect,
making her look, confident, accomplished but completely untouchable.
Her smile is wide but does not quite seem to reach her eyes, she is careful not to smudge her lipstick.
She claps enthusiastically as the newlyweds approaches, and rises to offer
them a toast.
Her lips move, and graceful, pretty wellwishes flow like a song from her lips.
Inside however, she silently curses her own foolishness.
She should have guessed
what was inside that, innocent white envelope.
She should have thrown it away in the bin, like she usually did with
all the other bloody wedding invitations, before her mind could register
what the envelope contain, and her heart compelled her to attend those silly celebrations.
Again she mutters a low curse.
She was usually so careful, how could she have missed this one. she must be been blind.
Clenching her teeth and forcing another blinding smile, her manicured nails digging deeply into the soft flesh of her palms,
she rues the day when she puts herself through such hellish torture, ever again.

Okayy.
i'm being overly dramatic again.
but i got carried away.
hahaha.
not bed eh?

anyways.
i'm stopping now.
i've decided to make a trip to the library.
sigh.
its sad how all my happiness lies in afew paperback novels.
laughable really.
toodles!!!

You're totally right.
Every action was well rehearsed.

2007-09-30T04:39:00.000-07:00

yes people.

i know you cant believe your eyes.

but its true.

what you are reading right now is not an illusion.

its an official update from sara herself.

haha.

god.

and i've finally been able to muster up enough

determination to actually go online, much less actually

bothering to sign into my blogger account and blog.

oh wells.

just incase you were curious as to my whereabouts for

the past weeks.

well.

i've been in school.

spending my "supposed to be holidays" roughing it out in school.

one whole nasty week.

busting out my brains.

and i survived it.

the bloody case studies and the endless chapters.

6 months worth of information,

covered in 1 week.

not that i can vouch that it will stick though.

no promises.

and so.

it was grace's birthday yesterday.

since you all should all know

that i'm not a photograph person.

you can go along to either, connie's vann's or sk's blog to get all the visual information.

while,

i will do my best to feed you all the important bits.

we met early in town.

around say 11 plus?

yupp.

and did the usual thing.

k box.

its been ages since i've held a mike in my handss.

and i really enjoyed myself, wailing my heart out.

jay chou songs are the best kind of stress relieve.

did some duets with grace yow.

and sk.

haha.

and made some failure attempts at harmonizing.

haha.

grace strolled in like half an hour after we arrived,

and she deserved an award for her "oh my gawd, its a suprise!" acting skills.

you see.

only a real idiot would be clueless.

unsure whether we were done with the candles,

vann and sk just stood there,

about like 5 metres from the door,

with grace right beside them.

giving each other "meaningful looks".

haha.

and obviously grace got the idea that something was up.

yes i have to give it to her,

she deserves an award for the look of astonishment on her face.

haha.

it would almost be convincing if we didnt already know

that our whole surprise thing was kinda unconvincing.

hahaha.

anyways.

we had a blast as usual.

singing our hearts out.

after that.

we made out way to tanah merah for the bbq.

while ryl and vann "had to leave for jap class".

which was in fact a foil.

they left for ikea to

pick up like

3 hundred candles instead.

it was really the highlight of the evening.

sk and i left in the midst of all the

greasy finger licking, chicken wing prying, satay turning

to meet vann and ryl.

who were pitifully lugging 3 bags of candles.

we found a dark secluded spot at a corner of the

rooftop tennis court.

and began the meticulous process of arranging candles

to form words.

it took quite awhile.

and quite a number of burns and pricks

(ryl n i were digging around the bushes looking for twigs to light the candles, unaware that the bouganvilla plants were fucking thorny. FUCKING.)

anyway.

when we were finally done.

sk and i went off in search of grace and connie.

it was really funny.

grace's initial reaction to the candles.

as we walked put of the lift and as

the insuspecting grace caught a glimpse

all the lit candles she went:

"Eh, eh. i think some people are having a celebration leh. We better not disturb."

Having trouble believing her gulibilty, we just ignored her and continued

walking down the isle of candles.

and still she went again, her footsteps hesitating.

"Eh. really eh. We better go la."

hahaha.

Incredously, sk went, "Huh? Just go la!"

then finally, grace began squealing.

"Eeeeeeeeeee. EEEEEEEeeeeeee. IS THIS FOR ME??!!"

HAHAHAH.

and she started doing this weird action.

like she was being sucked into herself thing. haha

HAHAHAHA.

not surprisingly, she began running like an olymptic champion

down the isle of candles.

and stopped when she saw the words.

I LOVE YOW

made up of more than 2 hundred candles.

it was really a sight to behold.

and i would have uploaded it except that i've been trying

for the past half an hour.

but i cant seem to place the picture

nicely underneath the words like how everyone else can seem to be abled to do without any trouble.

and because i've been doing that,

its messed up my post,

and dont blame me if there are huge spaces inbetween sentences.

hahaha.

i really suck at this shit.

haha.

it was really a nice.

i must say,

what we did was really quite touching.

we all took turns taking pictures with the birthday girl

while sitting in the middle of the heart.

all trying not to get too close to the candles.

and the heat, mind you.

was intense.

we were having so much fun.

till the stupid security guard had to come and spoil it all.

haha.

he asked us to clear the candles.

and thats what we did.

and managed to make quite a big mess on the floor after that.

my heart gos out to the poor guy who's gotta

scrape the wax off the floor.

haha.

its really amazing how we've had so many birthdays

year after year, but every birthday is different.

everytime someone's birthday is celebrated, we all get

the share of fun.

even if its not our birthdays.

its almost the same, to do something for the friend that you love,

and watch how her face lights up.

it's almost as if its your birthday everyone's celebrating.

i love my f7 family.

You were my greatest mistake

I fell in love with your sin

Your littlest sin.

2007-09-16T05:38:00.000-07:00

wow.
it took like 5 whole mins to get this bloody page to load.
wonder why i even bother.
sheesh.
must be my brother and all the stupid games he downloads.
one day if i decide to be nasty enough,
i'm gonna just delete all of them.

serves him right if i do.

anyways.

i happen to have nothing interesting to blog about.

so if you're looking for some juicy entertainment.
you can just link yourself to another blog.
(if the links i have are still in use. HAHA.)

anyway.
since i'm quite desperate for a topic to blog about.
i shall talk about....

NOTHING.

yupp.
nothing at all.
i'm just not in the mood.

and in fact, talking about moods.
mine's rapidly souring.

what the fuck.

2007-09-03T05:44:00.000-07:00

This week is polyclinic week.
so instead of going to the hospital,
i make my way to amgmokio polyclinic instead.

today was my first day at the polyclinic.

and wow.

Ever wondered why the the queues at the polyclinic are always
as long as the queues for the audtitions of the singapore idol?

well.
I have the answer right here.

The nurses there are total lazy bums through and through.

Ever wondered what goes on behind the registration counter and the
door of the consultations rooms?

Well.
I was ushered into one of the rooms.
The Woman wellness clinic.
The ones where pregnant women go to
for check ups,
breast examinations and
papsmears
( a procedure where a scary cone shaped duck-beak thing
is stuck into your vagina and prys it open,
followed whereby a brush silmilar to the one you brush
your braces with is poked in
and is used to scrapped bits of cells off the wall of your cervix or something.)

Yupp.
Ouch.
tell me about it.

and the best part is that when interviewed by a horrified me,
patients say that its not painful.
Just uncomfortable.

Well, apparently,
PAIN SEEMS TO BE SUBJECTIVE.
and if it were up to me.
i'd run away screaming if i ever had to get a papsmear done.

anyways.
i got to observe a papsmear procedure.
done by a really hot looking arabian doctor or something.
he had those really adorable curls thing going on.
with the sexiest, soothing accent.

i suppose if i HAD to have a papsmear done.
I wouldnt mind him doing it for me.
hahahaha.

stop it.
Stop digressing sara.

He was really professional about the whole thing.
like reassuring and stuff.
except for one part.
while he was explaining and pointing out the different parts of
the inside of a woman's vagina to me and scraping at the wall (quite enthusiastically)
at the same time, he went,

"Well, this one's not a bleeder!"

Thankfully i was standing behind him and he couldnt see my facial expression
when i heard his comment.
Cause i gave him a "You sick fuck" look.

haha.
excuse me if you think theres nothing wrong with that comment.
cause it sounded grossly over enthusiastic to me.

anyways, back to the main point.

The old nurses there seem to act as if their retirement
begun early.

They literally just sit in the rolling chairs,
and write redundant notes.
and they keep finding excuses to leave the room with lame
reasons like
"i need to print this." or "i need to photocopy that."

at one point,
this nurse whose room i was assigned to,
picked up her phone and dialled her friend.
Having an enture conversation about
this sale at OG and if she wanted those shoes she saw,
and what her feet size are.

As for me.
i was practically snozing in the chair.
There werent many patients coming in at all.
And half the time i was just told to help her draw lines
on her stupid book, or
cut and fold pieces of paper.

Incase you still dont get the picture.

While you are sitting in the queue, desperately looking up at the
queue number, wishing in vain for the number to change, while you sniff pathetically
at your dribbling nose and cough like a tubercolosis patient,
a nurse who should be attending to you,
is lounging like a queen on her throne
and talking about the OG sale.

But,
To be fair, you cant blame them.
I'd probably do the same thing in their situation.

Day in day out, having to face the same old stubborn patients,
who refuse to take your painfully given advise
to quite smoking, eat healthly and do regular breast self examinations.
and instead, come in here only when they think that they are on the brink of death,
and expect you to work a bloody miracle.

if i were them.
i'd sit on my throne and pick my nose too.

besides.
whats the incentive?

whether i see 10 patients aday,
or 40, i still get the same pay.

Might as well work at my own sluggish pace.

Oh wells.
This is what you get for heavily subsidized
primary healthcare.

So.
i hope my post has given you insight on the
behind-the-scenes of a busy, packed, looking polyclinic.

Give me a Private clinic anyday.

toodles!

2007-08-30T06:40:00.000-07:00

Just woke up from a nice nap.
but the waking up part was slightly scary.

you know how when you fall asleep during the evening,
when its all still bright?
then when you wake up,
you find yourselves in total darkness.
and before you're properly awake,
the darkness and aloneness of it all
just grips you in this sudden cold fear, you feel like you can't breathe for a spilt second?

well, it happens to me all the time.
mainly cause no one is home till about 10 plus at night,
so theres no body to turn on the lights.

well.
it happened to me again.

i woke up lazily,
but froze when i saw that my whole house was in darkness.
and just when i was trying to controll the my facial expression,
(i try to act nonchalant when i'm scared, so that whatever i'm scared of doesnt notice)
the phone rang.

and its really creepy when the phone rings shrilly in an empty dark house.

its funny how so many terrifying thoughts can squeeze themselves into your head
during the single second it takes
to walk to the table to pick up the phone.

and the best part was when i answered,
there was no one on the line.

let me tell you.
my heart stopped for a minute.

it really felt like something from a horror film.

well.
so i just slammed down the phone.
making sure that i muttered curses loudly
trying to feign annoyance and irritation,
when all i fell like doing was screaming my lungs outs.

sometimes i think that before i die of lung, brain or liver cancer,
i'm going to die of fright first.
just like those people in the ring movie.

oh why did i have to remind me self of that.
i'm still alone at home by the way.
and if the phone rings now.
i swear i'm going to have a heart attack.

ON A HAPPIER NOTE,

ermmm.
lemme think.

i cant wait for the weekend.
really.
i'll be having a quite lil getway with f7.
a chalet and bbq in sentosa.
with my parents there of course.
but then again,
sentosa is quite a big island.
:>

anyway.
nat, i would like to ask you to come along.
just you.
cause i like being surrounded by all my favourite people.
(but oil and water dont mix)
and with sk and i there, we'll have a blast.
this way, i get the best of both worlds.

please say you'll come.

i'm supposed to be researching
dengue haemorrhage fever, iv and blood products and transfusions.
have to prepare for my lesson tomorrow.

but i'm sulking.
because,
while everyone has a half day due to teacher's day celebrations,
and get to leave work at 1030,
i have to return to school for lessons from 8-5.

like its almost incredible.
the injustice of it all.

oh god.
i'm hearing thumping sounds from the ceiling.
fuck it all.

let me play music.

fuck fuck fucketty fuck.

God,
i've lost my mood to blog.
i shall be focused,
and do my research.
toodles.

2007-08-22T09:26:00.000-07:00

Someone who matters the world to me said this,

"wouldn't the world be a happier place if all the sad people died,
and only the happy people lived."

And yes.
I agree.
Doesnt it make sense?

But the more i thought of it,
the more complicated that simple phrase seemed.

(i have a habit of doing that to myself, complicating my thoughts.)

You see.

Sad people must be the loved ones of happy people.
(Almost everyone loves someone.)
I'm sure if all the sad people died (assuming that there are either only sad or happy people)
the happy people would soon turn sad.
And they'd died.
Then there would be a unstoppable chain reaction
of heartbreak and death.

Not so simple huh?

but yea.
I wish only happy people lived.

2007-08-20T03:52:00.000-07:00

Mondays.
Another stretch of 5 endless days,
that bleed you so dry,
that weekends literally feel like you've died and gone to heaven.
Thats when you realise it sunday night,
and you're back on the wheel of reincarnation.

but whatever.
its really not so bad.

anyways.
i have been having a really nasty bout of
insomnia recently.
like, its so bad, that i actually cant even take afternoons
naps on a drowsy, sleepy sunday afternoon.

which by the way, is the mother of all days to take afternoon naps.

and the simple joy of it has been taken away from me.

not to mention the involuntary wide eyed night vigils.
i really hate those.
and i have no idea why i cant sleep.
Rationally, i'm reasonably carefree now.
No exams, no social problems.
work is exhausting, true, but not dreadful.

Everything is fine.
so like what the fuck.

i told my mum about it.
and i asked her if she could get me sleeping pills.
i knew i shouldnt have said that.
cause it resulted in a verbal avalanche from my mother that went something like that:

"How many times have i told you that sleeping pills
open doors to many other problems that are far worst that not being abled to sleep."

"I've had insomnia for so many years already and yet you dont see me taking sleeping pills."

(At this point i'm thinking about all the 6 hour day naps she takes on her off days, but decide to keep my mouth shut.)

"Ever since i had your sister, i have had trouble sleeping."

(Hmmm. 7 years. Simple calculation. Was tempted to point out the fact having SEVEN YEARS of insomnia could not longer be called insomnia, but A WAY OF LIFE.but i kept my mouth shut.)

At this point, i think she realises that she's not really raising my interest, and tries to get my attention by using the "Envy Approach".

"I work in a Psychiatric ward, and i know so many doctors. I can have all the sleeping pills i want...."

(Here i'm thinking, just get to the point,.... and she does... ...)

"But instead, i'm looking into Traditonal Medicine. (Taaa dahhh) I just went to a Sin Seh yesterday, and the minute i walked in, i knew she was skilled."

She goes on enthusiasthically about her beloved chinese medicine.

"That lady took one look at me, and told me that i was having hormonal imbalance."

(For one moment, i almost had no wisecrack ready in my head. Then i recovered and thought that the day i walk into a clinic and some one can diagnose that i have hormonal inbalance by just looking at my face. I'd kill myself.)

I seriously cant believe my mum admires chinese medicine so much that she totally took no offense at that comment.
Its like having a Slimming brouchure waved in your face.
Like hello Mother! That bitch just insulted you while hiding behind a medical facade. Doesnt that bother you?

And this whole conversation took place while we were walking home from ntuc, with me lugging the bloody heavy marketing trolley behind me, and my mum carrying the featherlite cereals and cupnoodles. and of course my dear father, who carried the most,
his very own handphone and wallet.

Being hot, sweaty, insomniaic and sulky about having been denied access to sleeping pills, i was in a understandably mean mood and wanted to aggreviate my mother.

Allow me the pleasure in showing you how i did it.

(I threw the inccident, - about my nasty case of ezcema which didnt go away despites 2 trips to a recently opened chinese medicine clinic, which charged outrageous prices for revolting tasting sachets of grinded grass and insect cocoons, yes, insect cocoons, which i mixed in hot water and drank, but did a fat lot of good so we turned to the Western Doctor who gave me steriods, and made the ezcema clear like magic(okayy, its not all gone, but much better) - back into her face.)

"Ya please. Skillful. Like the bloody shit chinese doctor you made me see for my eczema.Make me drink that shit for nothing. Damn skillful sia.Give me Doctor Lee Wee any day, at least he's cute."

(Reminded of this episode, my mum gets slightly embarassed, but hides it well in an attempt to draw me back onto the chinese side.)

"Yes, i agree. Now we know that doctor is a quack la. We wont know until we try mah."

(ya, try on me.thanks ah.)

"Anyway, now i'm going to continue seeing that lady lor. You know she's that kind that one look and you get the feeling that she's damn good at what she does lor."

And to really irritate her, i gave a loud snort. Of the disbelieving variety.

In which she turns desperate and began using cheap underhand tactics like........

"I dont know why, i'm feeling so tired and sleepy. so stoned. I really have to go home and sleep. i think its the chinese medicine i took, but i told the lady not to give me sedatives what. Dont know why..."

See?
Notice she tried to entice me with the hidden promise of sedatives?
Talk about desperate right?
har!
I'M TOO SMART FOR THAT MOTHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MUAHAHAHA.

I think this post has gone on long enough.
the point is that,
chinese medicine is a waste of time,
and its only good for loser sicknesses
like flu and migranes.
for the real shit dieseases like
cancer and dengue and SARS ,
we all know that everyone turns to Western Medicine.
HA!
TAKE THAT!

But anyway.
Despite having never ending tug of war,
unreasonable debate sessions with my mum,
she's still the best mummy ever.
And she taught me how to cook beef stew that day.
:)

which i think i promptly forgot how to cook, the day after.
but , point is,

Our alienish mother-daughter relationship is rather nice.

you think?

2007-08-17T05:42:00.000-07:00

know something?
i'm starting to get a wee bit more wary about
what i say on my blog.
you know.
since i forgot to mention it the last time.
rmb in the previous post?
the one when my mum was all "cheapo cheapo'?
ya.
that day,
i found out something from her.

like 2 years ago or something,
someone called my mum at work to tell her to
go read my blog.
That person was like all, "Your daughter sounds very disturbed, and i think she need help.... etc."

like wth right?
well.
apparently no damaged was done since my mum claims to have never set foot in my blog.
but then again..
one can never be too sure with mothers.
i almost started hyperventaliting when my mum
rattled out my blog address smoothly.

(i was taunting her you see. haha like "i bet you're just pretending you know, if you're so smart say la! say la!")

and wow.
haha.
look what you get for giving in to childish whims.

but what seriously gets at me is that stupid, nasty kaypo woman.
like who are you.
come on, 2 years back...
i cant even remember what i blogged about.
no doubt i had some major angsty posts once in awhile.
but did i sound like i really needed professional help?
i was what, sec 2, 3?

stupid kaypo horrid woman.
like how could you actually call my mum up?
how did you even get her number?
You seem to have loads of time on your hands huh?
well, just so you know, i turned out fine.

see?

and if after 2 years, you're still reading my blog,
you're the one who needs to seek professional help.

humph.

creepy isnt it?
and all this while i thought no one but my close friends would be bothered to know my thoughts.

ha!
but think about it.
if she did go to my blog.
and if she has my number.
means she most likely has yours too.
ha!
so... maybe all your mums know your blogs!

hmmm.
maybe i should have the password thing on my blog.
who knows my mum might be reading this now.

hi mum.
i thought you said you'd never set foot in my blog?

okayy.
whatever.
paranoia isnt pretty.
and i'm starting to sound freaky.

and nat, i've obediently responded to your
command, yes command to update.
bring your cam out the next time okay.
i would like my picture taken.

HAHA.

"I would like my picyure taken."

i liked saying that.

kayy bye.

bp.
good luck with ur papers.
knowing you,
you wont need it.
i'll be waiting for you in ttsh!

2007-08-07T06:15:00.000-07:00

yes.
and these are just the front few photos in my phone.
i had plans to post up like more pics.
but.......
i think its kinda due to me
being an un techonology savvy person.
somehow.
i'm like limited to five images on my blog.
i know there's a way of getting around that.
come on.
just look at connie's blog,
so obviously,
i'm lacking quite abit of image uploading info.
so yupp.

know what sucks?
i have to work longer shifts everday in the hospital
to make up for the fridays that i'll miss when i go back to school
for some competition training.

yes.
sara participating in a competition.

pigs can fly.

but i'm somehow just counting on the fact
that they'll probably
let me go halfway through the training.
(they have to keep dropping people, selecting only the best)
so that i wont have to play the irresponsible,
unabled-to-cope-with-stress bad student role.
you see.
i just want the prestiege of being able to "claim" that i was
"trained for the world skills compeition"
i dont actually wanna participate.

since apparently the lecturers say that
its an honor to be chosen
and just to be have been trained for it, will get u a job in any hospital.
which i assume will be able to get me into poly.

THATS ALL I WANT.

and guess what just happended.
my mum is unbelievably annoying.

she came up from behind me
whilst i was typing away.
and so i stopped immediately
and cranned my neck to face her.
(so that i can keep an eye on her, since it would be blatantly rude to minimize the screen.)
and she asked me to take my chinese medicine.
(which i was hoping that she'd forget all abt reminding me)
and so this was how it went.

"Take your chinese medicine."
(me, slightly flustered. since i'm talking about work and sch, which i hate discussing in front of my parents)

"HAH. ya ya. i haven forgotten la."

"i didnt ask you if you remember. i'm telling you to take."
(and her eyes starts darting to the screen)

"Ya ya okayy. i'm going. i'm going."

(it gets really weird at this point. cause she starts openly shifting her eyes from me to behind me, which is the screen. and i get more nervous and start cranning and twisting my neck harder. just so that she'll get my body language and know that i'm watching her.)

(so i start grasping for straws, hoping to distract her.)

"So. Where's kor? he's not back yet?"

"no.." (and i know she's still peeking. i can so tell!!!)

"ohh.. so where is he?" (and i'm breaking into that "am chio" face cause i'm trying so hard not to break out in nervous laughter)

but i guess i failed.
cause she looked at me and went.

"why? Why you laughing?"

"huh.. no la. cause you keep looking at my screen" i say sheepishly.

and you know what she said to me after that??
it was like damn ANNOYING.

she went damn loudly and crudely for a mother of 3 children.

"What. You think i trying to read ah. DONT BE SO CHEAPO LA."

and she walks off. repeating "CHEAPO, CHEAPO."

LIKE WHAT THE HELL.

can you imagine how irritated i must be feeling right now?

i'm like flabbergasted that my mother would ever say such a thing.
haha.
but if it werent so rudely shocking.
it would be quite funny.

but anyway.
i just know that somewhere deep inside.
she's so dying to read my blog.
like which mum wont want to know the inner most thoughts
of their elusive teenage daughter.
too bad.
she can hide the facade of beiing indifferent and nonchalant.
going so far as to call me CHEAPO. (like i still cant get over that. wth. how was my actions in anyway cheapo?)

whatever.
i know she's lying.
HA!

anyway.
that has just spoiled my bloggy mood.
and i shall stop here.
oh shit.
she's back.
hahaha.

and OMG.
OMG.
SHE JUST POPPED HER HEAD IN AND
SAID
"CHEAPSKATE!"

LIKE FUCKING CHILDISH LA.

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

i have to stop.
go to the kitchen and settle with her.
wth.

its quite funny actually.
hahaha.
fuck sia.
haha.
irritating.

2007-08-04T22:46:00.000-07:00

omg.
my blog has been so abandoned
that its really disgusting.

and i think connie is right.
my stupid doll is like dead.

hmm.
let me see.
how do i go about reviving it?
or should i even bother?

i know i should update.
but honestly,
once you start comparing
all that you see in the hospitals with
the minor, petty grievances that
i sprout on my blog,
suddenly, its like my piorities have changed.
blogging just doesnt hold the same appeal
as it once did.

but i will still update.
afterall,
its really nasty to see my blog like...
dead.
cause i feel..
haha.
unpopular.
yupp.
i said it.
i really hare looking at empty tagboards.
hahahaha.

know what.
i just realised something.
my sister has been attending swimming lessons
for almost 2 years now.

and she still cant swim.

is that like the saddest thing you've ever heard or what.

and needless to say.
i had the time of my life poking fun at her during breakast.

i told her that the next time i go swimming
with her,
i'll throw her right in the middle of the deep pool.
and she'll have no choice but to learn how to swim
immediately.

and i told her that she'd better learn how to swim by secondary school.
otherwise she'll never get to go "tanning" in sentosa with her friends. haha.

and i ended it with a
"loser".

i'm so mean la.
i really cant stand myself.
but thats what happens when i'm couped up too long.

i'm really hunting for a shopping buddy today.
but no one seems to be free.
like damn.

and why the hell does nat keeping signing in and out of msn.
its damn annoying to see her window keep popping out.
NAT!
WHATS WRONG WITH UR MSN.

anyway.
nat.
they are showing girl interupted again on national day.
hbo.
dunno what time though.
i think i'm gonna watch it again.
somehow.
i watched the trailer,
and it seems more scary than the actual movie.
but whatever.
movies about crazy girls rock.
hahaha.
right nat?
wanna go shopping with me?
wait let me ask you online.

anyways.
i watched disturbia yesterday.
its really good.
for a murder film.
the level of tension in the movie will just kill you.
i was dying in my seat.
and alph was murmuring like an idiot.
"i hate this kind of stupid show."
cause he was dying from the tension also.
hahahah..

and the ending is not too bad.
and some parts of it is actually funny too.
not bad at all.

u should go watch it.

anyways.
i'm bored with blogging.
so i'll stop here.
bye bye.

2007-07-18T06:53:00.000-07:00

okay!

here i am.
its been my third day in tan tock seng hospital.
up to this stage.
its all been pretty OVERWHELMING.

and just so you know,
my attachment didnt start out smoothly at all.
really.
i like got into trouble like on my first day.

seriously.
you see, i couldnt find time during the hols to get my
hepititis B immunization jab.
and so when they asked if there was anyone
who hadnt gotten their jab, i really wanted to
just go ahead and lie.
i mean, its not like they'll know.
but then, one of the lecturers' had to go on and on about
integrity and being honest and stuff.
and i couldnt bear it,
so i raised my hand.
haha.
and thats when shit started to hit the fan.

there was this big hullaballu.
and questions like
"of all people, with your mum in the healthcare profession, i expected you to understand the importance of getting a jab."

and they would ask me for a reason why i didnt get it.

and as expected, their reply to my reason would be

"Thats no excuse."

haha.
like why did i even bother.

anyways.
there was this big fuss about it.
and they said they couldnt take the risk
of me being around the patient and getting hep b and all.
and so they like sent me home
like an hour early to get the jab.
and i had to write some letter
declaring that i wouldnt hold the hospital and school
responsible for my actions.

it really wasnt worth the trouble .
i should have just gotten the bloody jab.
damn.

and if you think that was not bad enough.
they next day,
even though i got up early and all to go to work,
i only realised that i left my name tag at home
when i was at the mrt statiion
and i had to
ran all the way home to get it.
which resulted in me reaching the ward at like
7 on the dot.
when technically, we were supposed to reach at like 6 plus
to be in time for the morning reports.

and i got caught by my lecturer for like being
not late, but " just on time".
(funny huh?)

and she even caught me for my
dark purple scrunchie.
which i had thought was black in the dark.
and she really gave it to me.

omg.
it was like a really really bad start.
i really cant imagine it being any worse than this already.
so much for trying to maintain a pristine reputation
in school, only to have soiled beyond recognition
by my second day.
i can just shoot myself.

and on the second day.
i was already wipeing poop off the floor.
like really.
but suprisingly, i didnt really mind that.
i mean, its sort of in the job description.

know what.
i think i change my mind about marrying a doctor.
sure, they look cool and the whole
lifesaving thing is hot.
but.....
i observed a maunal bladder washout today.
performed by a doctor.
and i just hated the way he
performed the whole procedure.

it was such a painful process to begin with.
and the patient was really groaning in pain.
but the doctor didnt even bother to speak to the patient.
much less reassure him.
in fact,
he just made the situation worse
when he kept going 'tsk'
when things didnt go smoothly.
and the poor patient was in his 70's? 80's?

it was just a really helpless situation.
you know?
like you're just a nobody.
and theres nothing you can do for the patient
who's in pain other than
hold his hand
and try to comfort him in a language that he doesnt even understand.
you feel really useless.
and its quite a horrible feeling.

i think at one point of the procedure.
i was glaring at the doctor.
i think i just couldnt help it.

and, cause i'm like really new and all.
theres not much i know in th ward.
like where everything is kept
and all the names of the equipment.
and when the doctor ordered me to get it.
i was like huh?

and he got so frustrated with the wait
that he just got it himself.
and let me tell you.
that has to be one of the worse feelings in the world.

and i get it all the time
from doctors, to nurses.

i suppose i can take comfort from the fact that i'm not
the only fish,
floundering in the open ocean.
but its just been really discouraging at times.
i even get corrected by the hospital amahs.
ya.
the cleaners.

there happens to be a food chain hierachy in the ward.
and i'm at the bottom if it.

but i'm not giving up though.
theres no way.
tomorrow,
poop can land on my face for all i care.
but i'm not giving up.
i' m gonna stick to the nurses like glue.
and suck everything i can learn from them.
even if they are nasty to me.

yupp.
thats all.
its been a really long post,
but i just need to unload, you know?

i saw an old man get discharged today.
holding his small bundle of things
happily hobbling towards the wrong exit.
haha.
he was in my cubicle, and under my care for the past 2 days.
and before he left,
he waved and smiled at me.
i swear.
that made my day.

2007-07-15T01:07:00.000-07:00

yay.
today is my last day of work.
god.
i'm really counting down the hours.
like what in the world possessed me into thinking that
little bit of extra cash could make up
for all the fun and laughter that
my friends can give me.

never again.

went for the bbq last night.
arghhh.
i'm really tempted to vow never to touch alcohol again.
but i know better than to say that.
but really...
its going to be a long time before i'm touching
that vile stuff again.
its like 4 plus in the afternoon,
and i'm still feeling the effects of last night's alcohol binge.
and if its bad now,
this morning was the pits.
my stomach was like rolling.
and when i woke up at like 8 to get ready for work,
i did everything wrong.
haha.
seriously.

yes.
i didnt look properly
and i used the toothbrush that the cleaner uses to like
scrubb the sink to brush my teeth,
and only halfway through brushing did i realise that
the bristles were like particular uncomfortable.
like omg
Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.
there were like black patches on the friggin toothbrush.
i darent even think about what the hell
was growing on it.
we wont be surprised if i get admited into the hospital
next week for like some oral fungal infection la.
wtf.

and i wore my shirt inside out, and facing the wrong way.
luckily, i wasnt too high to not be vain..
and i realised my mistake when i went to preen in front of the mirror.

and i've discovered that when you're hungover,
even the mild, trembly movement of the mrt can cause your
stomach to churn in protest.

i think people thought i was some weird attitude freak,
cause i kept sighing
(pretty loudly too i think, since i was listening to music so i couldnt hear how loud i was sighing)
and there was this permament tortured look,
etched on my face.

its alot better now.
the qeasiness is wearing off.
and now, i can actually look at the computer screen without
feel the urge to retch.
haha.
drinking is a vice.
and it doesnt even taste good.
why oh why.

anyways.
i'm gonna stop here.
i'm feeling sick again.

byeeeeeeeeeee.

Tonight I've fallen and I can't get up
I need your loving hands to come and pick me up.

2007-07-13T22:07:00.000-07:00

know what.
i think i've turned into the morning entertainment
for all the shopkeepers in the morning.
its like,
when i arrive to open the shop.
some of them start to stand outside their shops to watch me
push up the metal shutters
and struggle with the heavy poles.
seriously.
and its like they live to see the myrid of expressions that
i think flash across my face.
its like,
if you know me,
than you should know that the sound of shop shutters opening
and closing give me the jitters.
i i have no idea why, maybe its cause i'm claustrophobic?
and that i was stuck in takashimaya toys department when it closed, and all the lights were off?

i have no idea.
but for me, having to open the shop
every morning is lke facing my worst nightmare.

and its annoying.
all the uncles
will start standing outside their shops.
and the minute i start pushing up the shutters,
they start nudging eaching other
and calling for their
shop assistants to look.
and they start laughing and shouting
instructions at me.

"girl ah! yong li yi tian!!!" ( Use more force)

'ahhh.. tui!" (correct!)

and you know..
when the shutters start going up...
they make this horrid rolling sound,
and it hits the top with a loud bang.

haha.
i suspect thats when they look at my face and laugh the loudests.
cause i my eyes wont stop blinking
and when it crashes,
i sort of flinch and scrunch my face up.
hahaha.
sorry.
cant help it.

but they are quite nice.
cause when they see me struggling for too long.
(on bad days, it happens.)
they'll come over to help me.
i really hate that particular part of my job.
and the worst part is that, my shop is like
right next to bata.
and they installed this automatic rolling shutter.
so all the person has to do it like hit hit this button of something,
and it will just roll up smoothly.
no sweat.

and all i can do everyday is to just
eat my heart out in envy everytime
she happens to open then shop the same time as i.
arghhhhhhh.

i feel like telling my boss to invest in a automatic shutter.
but he'll probably just call me lazy.
haha.
nevermind
i'm stopping in like one day.
hahha.
nasty, noisy, scary metal shutters arent gonna be my problem anymore.

anyway.
hopefully, my boss will let me leave earlier today.
maybe at 530?
so that i can go for the rccl fundraising car wash.
but i doubt so.
cause even though he can be quite nice about other stuff,
he's rather anal when it comes to having off days and leaving early.
i figured that, since i have had no off day since i started working?
yupp.

when you hear the word carwash, what is the first image that comes into your mind?
know what mine is?
haha.
like girls in nothing but bikinis and white shirts that turn translucent
when they start spraying each other with the host
and all.
haha.
and everything is in slow motion and they are all giggling and bouncing around.
hahaha.
so R rated right?
my sick mind.
i think its cause i've watched too many lame teenage movies.
haha.

oh kayy.
thats all.
i shant bore you with anymore light talk.

i really want the two pathetic primary 4 boys
who are sharing one com to stop and go away.
they are the only customers in the shop and they
pose as my only obstacle from flipping the "open" sign to "closed"
and locking the shop up to buy
food to appease my growling stomach.

please.
go home and study.
PSLE is coming.
its a crucial examination.
dont waste your time playing maple story.

sighh.
toodles.

2007-07-10T05:25:00.000-07:00

okayy.
im here to blog again.
since i figured that i wont be going online again for like awhile.
haha.
might as well make up for it with 2 posts.

plus, i just remembered a funny incident.

hahaha.

you see.
at where i work, there's this little altar thing.
with joss sticks and all.
and food for the deity.
and the first time i came in the morning.
it was just me.
and so i was just sitting there.
using the com.
and then this lady came with a cup of black coffee.
and she said it was ordered for us.
"us" i presumed it was for the guy whose shift i was taking over.

well.
and since he had already left,
i had to pay for it.
well.
it was just like 70cents.
and i dont really drink black coffee.
like ewww.
makes me dizzy.
but i figured since i'd paid for it.
might as well drink it.

so i just forced myself to finish it.
good stuff.
strong.
kept me awake.

and then about in the afternoon.
that guy came back.
haha.
and he went to the altar.
and looked at another cup of black coffee
that was there.
i didnt notice it at first.

den he was like.
in chinese.

"The lady came to change the coffee already ah?"

hahahaha.
so i just paused for awhile and looked at the empty cup of coffee
that was sitting infront of me.
and i was like shit.
haha.

"Err. Ya. She changed the coffee already."

hahahaha.
like wtf right.
i drank the coffee that was supposed
to be for the Gods.
like how was i supposed to know that Gods accepted coffee as offerings!

Then the guy (he didnt know i wasnt buddist)
knelt down at the altar
and started lighting fresh joss sticks.
and he started explaining that like they have to pray to that God every morning.
Give him coffee.
so he wont be angry and will bless them with good business and all.

and i was like Ooops.

but of course i was like nodding and pretending to be understanding and all innocent.
he'd flip if he knew i drank the fresh coffee
and that the God was still drinking the stale one.
hahaha.

well.
it'll just be our little secret.
okayy.
thats all.
my aching back is totally killing me.
arghhhhhhhhhh.
bye.

2007-07-09T18:10:00.000-07:00

oh look.
wow.
i'm here again.

you know how its like?
like when you encounter so many interesting things
and you say to yourself,
"Oh yes. i must remember to blog about it."
and then when you finally sit down to blog,
you just cant remember shit.
haha.
ya.
its like that now.

well.
thankfully, something happened just this morning,
so i still have it fresh in my mind.

you know when i was walking past the curved block?
the one where vanesa stays in?
ya.
theres this alzheimer's centre thing right?
for old people.
(for those who live around that area)
remember there used to be this old lady
who would sit at the last window, and just stare out of it?
she would be holding a baby doll in her arms, and she could sit there for hours.
well, we all know she's like slightly "wooohooo" in the head.
anyway.
whenever i walked past, i would always make it a point to
smile at her.
even though her reactions varies on certain days.
sometimes
she would smile back, and its damn cute.
but sometimes she'll just stare at me like i'm crazy.

but after awhile, i didnt see her anymore.
she stopped appearing at the window.
and sometimes i try to peer through the
gap in the curtains, hoping to spot her, but i dont anymore.

and so.
this morning when i walked past the centre.
(walking really slowly, trying to look at my hair in the reflection)
i saw the one curtain wqs drawn up.
and there was thins caretaker lady who was chatting with the old
ladies who were doing their exercises.
and after i walked like 50 steps.
i stopped and turned back.

this was how the conversation went.

"Err, hi. I was just wondering, there used to be this old lady who
sits at the last window. and she's always just like.. looking out?"

(caretaker looks at me suspiciously)

"Yes........ why? what about her?"

" Err ya..I dont see her anymore, what happened to her?"

"Oh. She's not coming anymore, " (brief pause)

(and guess what i was thinking at that moment, haha. *funeral songs start playing in my head)
(i think she saw my expression, that why she continued.)

"She's gone home. Got better. Doesnt have to come here anymore. why ah?"

i give a weak laugh.

"oh. no la. cause i walk pass here quite often, and i always see her. then i'll just smile at her.So i was wondering how come i dont see her anymore. haha.. i thought.... .... "

And so i realised i was saying the wrong thing... haha. so i just gave this forced, fake smile and quickly scrammed.
haha.

and so finally.
i solved the mystery of the missing window lady.
it was sort of annoying to keep guessing.
and you'll never be sure with old people.
its like they are proned to sort of croak anytime.

so.. sk, angie, connie.. ryl, vann and even grace.
all the toapayoh frequeners.
i've solved this mystery.
(just in case you'all where wondering. which i dont think so.
since i'm the only one apt to such abnormal behaviour in such circumstances.)

yupp.

hmmm.
what else was i supposed to blog about?
hey.
theres a another steamboat buffet at angmokio.
$13++
we should go try it out.
fatmama really let us down the last time.

sk has been damn good.
she's been popping by my workplace to visit me.
even though school ends at like 5 or what. she still comes.
buys me food summore.
haha.
one thing though.
she has this sick perverted thing going on.
haha. like

my phone rings, and i answer.
"Hello? sukkian. where are you."

"at home lor."

"Ya, why you call me?"

"Orhh, no la. Just bored at home, nothing to do. where are you?"

"ME? At work la. Damn sian"

"orhh. haha. okayy. then i talk to you later la."

"Huh.. orh okayy... what you doing at home...."

(Den i try to keep her talking longer, cause after all, work is boring and she's bored at home.)

"eh, i talk to you later la. kayy ah... bye."

haha. and like 5 mins later. she strolls into my shop
with a big grin on her face.

sick right?
haha. this is not like the first time.
sometimes she tells me she'll be coming over today.
den in the afternoon.
she suddenly msges me and says

"Hey Bp. i cant come today. My mother just called. sorry i ps you yet again."

and i'm like wtf.
haha.
then before i can start gathering all my grieviances,
and start thinking nasty thoughts towards her for not keeping her word,
she appears again.
haha.
is that not the sickest thing or what. haha.
sk.. you need to seek proffessional help.
it appears you get some form of warpped kick
from doing this to people.
haha.

but i love you all the same.
your occassional dropbys do really
make my day.
you know that dont you?

okayyy....
thats it...
byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

2007-06-30T19:25:00.000-07:00

oh.
finally.
the internet.

as you can probably figure out from
un update post,
i've been busy working in a lan shop
with NO internet connection.
yes.
its really quite sad.

sk and shaoye visited me that day.
and they had a look at
"a miserable, lonely, boring day in sara's working life"

and i think they could tell that i was in
some what a quite pathetic state.
seriously.
when they came.
my eyes lit up mann.
i was so happy.

anyway.
they bravely stuck around.
to accompany me.

and when they finally left.
i felt so empty.
hahaa.
sighh.

omg.
i have to stop sighing and smiling to the com as i blog.
the guy on the other table is like
glancing at me.
but i cant help it.
i can feel another big smile slipping out as i type.
shit shit.
hahhaa.

okayy.
i'm going to stop here.
before i embarrass my self in front of my customers.

and since u all know my pathetic job situation.
pls feel free to call me to chat.
if theres internet,
den i'll be online.
so u can talk to me there too.
please?

hahaha.
damn sad right.
ya lor.
thats how desperate i am
for company at work.

okok.
bye bye.

and hubbs.
dun be pissed la.
when i get my pay,
dinner on me!

2007-06-25T01:51:00.000-07:00

and so here i am.
at work.
being extremely busy.
with doing nothing.

its amazing how one can be paid
for just sitting at a table.
using the computer.
i thought at a lan shop.
it would be the other way round.
haha.

oh yes.
celebrated shao ye's birthday
on saturday.

i cant say it was a huge suess.
cause we didnt get to do the thing
that shaoye wanted the most.
with each of us having our own stuff to do.

but,
however badly organised
and messy our plans are,
as long as f7 gathers,
we always have a blast.

the usual steam boat place was like closed.
i cant believe fat mama let us down.
i thought she was nice.
so we opted for fish and co.
the food's good.
provided you order the right thing.
and not the disgusting seafood platter
with their rubberband tasting calamari rings
or the
salmon grill
that was so fishy,
i had to spit half of it out.

okayy.
i know i'm contradicting myself.
but the food is quite good.
some of it.
like the original fish and chips.
and the new york one.

the drink was fab.
like some huge huge glass.
and we all shared.

the gst and service charge was a killer though.
it think it was 22 bucks.
but whatever.

we got a cake for shaoye.
doremon was out,
so we got tasmania devil instead.
it was such a pity to cut it up.
cause tas was looking pretty cute,
surrounded by pale yellow cream and all.
but shaoye and to be nasty and slice
it
between the legs.
hahaha.

i know you're not very happy shaoye.
but i promise you.
kbox is coming.
i want it as much as you.
please la.
i've resorted to using the romote control
as a mike
and singing xin yu
in front of the com.

happy birthday shaoye.
you finally caught up with me.
:>

i love you.
we all do.

2007-06-24T07:46:00.000-07:00

its really ironic.
how i work at a lan shop.
yet i cant even update my blog.
but i will soon.
its only cause the internet
hasnt been set up yet.
screwed right.
yupp.

i know.
okayy.
this is all.
for now.
i'm kinda like wearing my lousy glasses.
and so i cant see the screen very well
and its annoying to blog,
half blind,

so byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

2007-06-21T04:08:00.000-07:00

okayy.
its the second day of my holidays.
and guess what i went ahead and did.
i got myself a job.
like wtf right.
i know.
i really planned to enjoy myself.
like just slck and bum
but my friend asked me if i was interested.
and she told me about it.
apparently, i get to work in a lan shop.
hahaha.

and the pay is like pretty damn good.
since all i have to do is
collect money and maybe cook afew instant noodles?
plus i get to use the internet
and play whatever shit everyone
who goes to lan shop plays.

living expenses are paid for,
and there are lots more goodies
in the goodie bag!

so you can come visit me.
in the shop.
its a new place.
hasnt even opened.
looks really cool.
but.
the rates are pretty high.
like 3.80 per hr?
unless of course if you join member ship.
which is like so much better.

but whatever.
haha.

i really wasnt sure if i wanted to go for it.
but suddenly,
images of me on a mega shopping spree
in forever 21, topshop and mango popped into my head.
like honestly.
and i was won over.
i'm not gonna continue working
once my hols are over.
i dont think so at least.

hey, by the way.
do i sound crazy in my blog.
grace thinks i do.
because i was thinking..
when i type out my post,
i have dont have any thoughts.
cause its just all in my post.
you get it?
means thats how i really think,
all the time in my head.

not like sometimes,
when you say one thing,
but you're actually not really thinking that.
my blog is really
what i happened to be thinking of in my head at that moment.
so its really me.
and if the real me,
really sounds slightly cuckoo.
ermmm.
mean to say i'm slightly mad?

i dont think so right?
i'm sure everyone sounds like this in their head.

(okayy. thats sentence was slightly "in denially crazy")

anyway.
i think this is normal.
and blogging is theraputic.
it really is.
unless blogger starts acting like a bastard.
and loses your posts halfway.
but i dont think they do that anymore.
in fact,
looking at my screen now,
it kinda has this annoying
paraniod
little habit of saving my post every like what, 2 mins?
and it lke records the time it saved it.
thats what i call obsessive complusive disorder mann.
ocd.

ya. but okay.
i know this was a long, random nothing post.
but i just felt talkative.
but i have to go now.
meeting phonsus and friends for
a little guay chap.
so bye bye.

2007-06-19T03:34:00.000-07:00

its officially over.
the horrid exams.

and my holidays are here!!!

Wheeeeeeeeeee.

sad part is.
everyone elses hols are like almost over.

weeelll...
nvm.
i'll make do with what time i have with everyone,
den i shall have 2 weeks.
to bury myself in all the romance novels
i can get my hands on.

i've been posted to Tan Tock Seng hospital.
for my attachment.
please do try to stop by during my
lunch break to eat with me?

yes.
thats really all i have to blog about for now.
everyone's going to attica today.
boo.
i hope it gets raided.
haha.
i cant go you see.
(not that i've asked, but i'm just resigned to my fate)

so i hope everyone who goes has a nasty time there!

so there! take that!

thats all.
toodles.

oh ya.
one more thing.
connie read my balloon post.
and now she feels like a balloon.
(depressing huh. i know all about it.)
aww phooniables.
nvm.
even if you're a balloon,
i think you're a balloon with pretty cartoon pictures
and bright happy colours!!!
:>

2007-06-15T21:00:00.000-07:00

this is a random post.

you see.
last night.
i was at the balconey, just looking out.

and suddenly, i thought of balloons.

i've always liked balloons.
even though i really cant stand the loud
sound they make when they explode.

to me,
they've always represented freedom and life.
like they're always floating.
right?

wrong.
last night i discovered.
that all balloons symbolize failure and death.
all balloons.
its true.
you see.
what happens
to a balloon when you
release it into the sky?
its floats all the way up.
but.
sooner or later,
its gonna have to deflate and come right back down.

its the same for all balloons.
helium balloons, hot air balloons.
the ones that you have to blow yourself are worst.
they dont even float.
they just get in your way until they eventually deflate
or till someone steps on them.

do you get my point now?
well. there is always 2 ways to look at things.
and this is one way.
trust sara to find the darker aspect of balloons.
go on.
think about it.

you know what.
i think we're all like balloons.
me, especially.

2007-06-14T21:07:00.000-07:00

"Satan, the sisters taught me, was physically beautiful. One of God's most brilliant angels, fallen from heaven,"

"I am no longer a callow girl. I shall not confuse angel with devil again."

2007-06-11T05:37:00.000-07:00

omg.
i need to unload man.
before i die of hypertension.

know what my bitch classmate said to me today?
woah.
i cant stand her ah.
as if calling me naive that day wasnt enough,
and she's the one who chats witb 14 year old boys
that live in USA
and sweetalk with them about sex.
and when i told her to be careful, and look for someone her
own age,
she went,
"Sara, you know sometimes, you can be sooo naive."

me,
me, naive?
and she's the bloody 24 year old.
what the fuck.

anyway.
that was last week.
today is whole new story.
let me show you how the conversation went.

(we were sitting in class, discussing the topic of skipping class on wed.)

me: I dont care, i'm not gonna come on wednesday. For what, 2 hours?

her: Ya, but if we both dont turn up, the teachers will suspect something.

me: Who cares? i'll just give a letter la. After all, i live all the way in Toa Payoh.
Its not worth coming back to school for just 2 hours. If i can just stay at home and study, why not?

her: Ya, well, den what am i going to say?

me: i dont know, the same thing maybe? After all, what can they do to us? I've been getting As, no problems with my conduct. They will trust me to stay at home and study what. Same for you.

her: (gives this irritating sickly smile) well, not really.

me: what do you mean?

her: i'm just saying that they will understand if you skip school, but they may not for me?

me:ya, like how?

her: we all know that besides your conduct and grades, they look into your background also, and your mum is a ward sister.

me: so you're implying that i get special treatment from the teachers because they know who my mum is? (and my tone is just getting quieter)

her: mmm hmmm. (another irriating smile)

me:Thats not true, i just dont cause any trouble in school, and my grades are good."

her: hello. its obvious that you get special treatment. You're the teachers pet!

me: (just stared at her, with this" i cant believe you're actually saying this you callous bitch" look on my face)

her: okay, you know what. just stop. you're obviously taking this the wrong way.

like what the fuck!
did you see how she just completely twisted it?
can you feel my pain!!!
and so it went on.....................................

she's like damn fucking fucker.
and what she said is so not true.
cos the teachers never even found out that my mum
is a ward sister
until she came for the meet the teachers session.
and that was like only 3 weeks ago.

before that, i never told any teachers.

she is such disgusting, jealous, loser bitch.

i dont even go out of my way to talk to the teachers.
she's the one who stays back after class to
pour out her troubles.
like what the hell.

and so, i was so cheesed off
that i took out a newspaper and started reading.
without bothering to finish our conversation.
and she still had the cheek to say.

"are you angery? why are you so quite and angry?"

and so i ignored her.

and when class ended, i just left the room.
thankfully, she stayed back to sabo this classmate of mine
who skipped class that day and still signed her attendance.
that conniving bitch actually went to report it to the teacher!

can u imagine?!
she's like 24 years old, she she behaves like that?

anyway.
i got fed up
and bitched about her, finally.

and so, during bio. no one on our table really spoke to her.
but its not really my fault.
since i didnt even say why i was angry with her.
i just told the table people
that i was.
and they were like.
"WoW. sara finally hates Vickie. we were waiting for that to happen."

and so when she realised that people were cold shouldering her.
she started to become really gross.

like,
sniffing.
and putting her head into her arms.
actually going to the extend of dabbing her eyes with a tissue.
and finally going to the toilet.
and she asked for permission like

Sniff. "miss lim, may i be excuse?" sniff sniff.

woa.
i wanted to puke ah.

and luckily miss lim didnt even look at her.

and i know she wasnt even really crying.
she is just so fucking A. A. (attract attention)

someone please save me.
arghhhhhhhhhhh.

2007-06-07T07:01:00.000-07:00

Please let it be known
This place is dead
It echoes through town
There isn’t one voice
I haven’t heard a sound.

sometimes i really hate to know that
people are happy with their lives.
like i know its selfish.
but its more comforting to know that
they are just as unhappy as you.
then at least that way,
you wont feel so alone.

arghh.
i'm such a sourgrapes..

well.
i'm just saying what you all feel inside,
but just never say it out.
so there.
dont be judging me for it.

If i lost my wish, can you help me find it?

2007-06-06T06:26:00.000-07:00

Love is a razor,
that leaves your soul to bleed.

hello hello.

met up with connie, sk, shaoye yesterday.
i just love spending time with them.
i get all the comfortable familarity
in the world.
which is sorely lacking in school.
with my f7,
i can be who i really am,
get it?
i dont have to swallow all
my words and force a smile.
i really wish i could shrink f7 and put
them in my back.
and take them out on the bus,
in the toilet, to play with them.

wait.
is it me?
or am i sounding slightly scary.
okayy.
whatever.
haha.
you get my drift.

apparently,
i'm not the only one
that has to put up with
sticky, annoying people in school.
hahahaha.
poor shaoye gets them too.

cant wait for tmr to pass quickly.
am meeting connie
to change her dress.
aparently that cockoo bought a dress
from hula and co.
and didnt check it.
it has as many holes as a sponge.

afterward,
we're going to nyp.
to watch sk dance!
woo!
hahaha.
its her exam know!
dont play play.
foreign bodies conducts
dance examinations!

yupp.
so thats it.
going to bed soon.

bye bye!

2007-06-04T07:39:00.000-07:00

ughh.
talk about monday blues.

i miss the weekend already.
had fun mann.
sk and i went over to the longs house.
to celebrate zhiyi and shanna's birthday.

it was fun man..
hahaha.
and when the drinks came out,
things got damn fucking fun.
hahaha.

oh god.
what would i give to have had someone
videoing all of us.
especially miss tan sk.
hahaha.
i would happily love to give you guys the
explicit details.
but sadly.
i am a true friend to sk.
and so,
i shall not spill the beans.
hahaha.
sneak peak though,
just imagine like
more than 10 people,
ordinarily already full of tricks up their sleeves.
give them some vodka,
and its as good
world war 3.

falling all over,
some people kicking and screaming
at the top of their lungs,
dancing,
and not to mention
that we had afew
BEASTS
who went around biting people.
honestly mann.
haha.

it was really wild.
and the next day.
haha.
i swore nv to to touvh alcohol again.
but,
haven we all been there and done that?

haha.

anyways.
this is supposed to be a short post.
since i blew my free time by playing
sims for like 5 hrs.
shit.
haha.
so i shall end here.
yes?
byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

2007-05-30T06:39:00.000-07:00

next time,
there wont be no next time.
cause i give up giving a shit.
just fuck off.

2007-05-29T05:02:00.000-07:00

shame burns like poison on my lips,
everytime i utter that name.
I pray my heart dies,
and that feeling follows behind.

oh.
haha. did you see that little window
on the side of my blog?
yes.
i've finally found the song.
Its the End of the world.
nice huh?
if you haven clicked play.
go click it now.
the song kinda has an insane ring to it.
especially when she starts talking.
haha.
but i like it.
it reminds me of the movie
girl, interupted.

so i hope u share my sentiments
on the song.

thats all i have time for.
my eyeballs have the
"pressing into my eyes"
feeling again.
means i need to sleep.

yupp.
toodles.

2007-05-27T05:54:00.000-07:00

over the week end.
i didnt really do much.
oh wait.
actually,
i did quite alot.

on saturday,
i went to school for some meet the parents session.
it was quite a drag.
and personally,
i really hate the thought of all
the lecturers finding out the my mum is
like
"one of them".
its hard to hold a candle against my mum.

anyway.
went to meet sk, yow, and ryl.
in mos.
they were playing cards again.
but we managed to gosssip and chat.
exactly what we wanted to do.
i suppose the rest of f7 were busy indulging in their romantic lives.
haha.
as you can tell,
the ones that met up are the one that are
happily single.
okayy.. maybe not happily.
but single.
haha.

after that, we broke up.
i went to met my family to watch Pirates.
grace went to trellis for a party,
sk went to met her parents.
and ryl went k boxing.

and yes.
pirates.
what can i say about it.
just thinking of it makes my heart beat fast.
and not in a good romantic way either.
in frustration.
i swear.
thinking about the ending just makes my blood boil.

okayy. i'm talking about the ending.
you shld skip this part if you
are thinking of watching the movie.
dont say i didnt warn you!!!

yes.
its a happy ending in some ways.
but not for orlando bloom and keira knightly!!!
its like fucking sad!
thanks to the stupid octopus guy, davy jones.
orlando bloom dies,
and the only way to save him
is to make him the new captain of the flying dutch man (the ship)
but theres this curse involved.
so now,
orlando is stuck in the neither world,
ferrying souls of those who died at sea
back and forth.
and he can only set foot back on shore
like once in 10 years.
to see keira knightly.

like what the fuck right?
whats the point.
the next time he sees her, she'll be like 30 plus
and he'll still be the same.
so what if they got married.
like whats the point of being married
if you're only going to see ur beloved once in
10 freaking years.

the ending for them was like so
bittersweet and romantic
that my tears were literally streaming down my face.
even though
my face was tilted up
and i tried my best to open my eyes
wide so that they wouldnt spill over.

and the worst part is that
i was sitting beside my dad.
so i really didnt want to
express any sort of emotions
such as crying over my darling orlando bloom's plight
and panting over the fact that he's so damn hot
that i was practically having hot flushes in my seat.

can you feel my pain!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh wells.
nvm.
when you watch it for yourself.
you'll get it.
sk, dont even bother.
you'll hate the ending.
you will.
trust me, you'll feel like crying
all the way past the credits and out of the cinema.
just like me.
:>

oh.
and connie blogged about me.
in the sweetest way possible.
i didnt even think she'd ever do that.
yes.
we've known each other for 8 years already.
the longest friendship in f7.
we have hated and loved each other.
so many years of drama.
(just ask anyone)
we should write a book.
:>
i really hope, there will be another 8 years.
and more.
that'd be really cool connie.
can you imagine?
and you know i love you.
no matter how big a bitch i can be.
and we all know that sara can be HUGE bitch.
:>
i love connie!

2007-05-25T09:41:00.000-07:00

i'm here to blog about my birthday.

what can i say.
bittersweet.
dark chocolate.

i really thought that it would kinda be a quiet day.
school till about 6.
then perhaps meet sk for
dinner.

should have known better than to think that
f7 would let my seventeeth birthday pass
without a bang.

they all showed up.
just as sk and i started to dig into our
creamy chicken.
(pastamania)

its amazing how
we are always surprised when we are surprised
on our birthday.
even though after 17 years of celebrating birthdays.
you'd ought to know better.
haha.

i love my f7 family.

and i know how hard it is
to get 7 busy teenagers
to gather on a thursday night.
virtually impossible.
but yet it happened.
like it always does.

it doesnt matter who came late,
or who left early.
what really mattered was that one perfect moment,
when all of us were together.
its just the nicest feeling in the world.
it really is.
thanks f7.
you guys have no idea what that fews hours meant to me.
more than you'll ever know.

oh and nat,
thanks for the sheep.
and the duck.
:)

"3685"
My empty promises
Led to our demise
And I could never tell you how I really feel
And for that I eternally apologize

2007-05-23T06:44:00.000-07:00

There is no refuge from confession but suicide;
and suicide is a confession.

-Daniel webster

omg.
is that like one of the coolest quotes ever or what.
i know its like really morbid and
horrible to start blogging about suicide quotes like
2 and a half hrs away from my birthday.
but i just happened to be reading a book, and i found this quote.

anyway. this book is morbid anyway.
its by judy picoult.
i'm sure you would find the name familiar.
she writes rather morbid books.
i need to expand my vocab.
cant keep using morbid.
shit.
hahaha.

just in case you wanna know more.
this book is about this 2 teenagers.
who knew each other since like forever.
grew up together.
fell in love.
like true love.

but one day.
their parents got a call from the hospital
apparently,
they tried to kill themselves.
the girl died.
but the guy lived.

so now everyone is trying to find out the truth.
was it really a suicide pact gone wrong?
or a murder attempt.

and i really pity chris.
the guy.
he really really loved her.

let me show you an extract.

"you fell,' he said simply. "You're gonna be okay."

Emily's eyes filled with tears. "i'm scared,' Where's my mom?'

"Coming,' he said, 'but i'm here now."

He leaned closer, awkwardly slipping his arms around her. He let his eyes drift shut and decided that in that instant that for the rest of Emily's life,
he would be her guardian angel.

like damn sweet right.

too bad she's dead.

cant help thinking that nat likes the quote.
maybe. do you nat?
well. look at it carefully.
hits you,
doesnt it?

and bp is like probably thinking that we're
both crazy and sucidal.
but she's used to it.
and so she'll just roll her eyes
and give a rude chuckle.
haha.
oh wells.

moving to brighter issues.

wait.
i dont feel like moving on to brighter issues.

know what.
even though i'm blogging now.
which shows that i have a bit of spare time.
i really dont.

i dont have time anymore.
this isnt even my time.
it doesnt belong to me.
i should either be trying to revise
or sleeping.
and let me tell you.
i really need to sleep.
its all i think about other than getting As
but never seem to get enough.

i have no time for anything.
anyone.
none at all.
except probably one day.
on weekends.
thats all thats left of sara.

once a week.
on saturday.

okayy.
i'm going to bed.
i'm too sleepy.
and if i dont sleep now.
i'll spend the whole of tomorrow regretting.
haha.

good night.

Let us embrace, and from this moment vow an eternal misery together.

2007-05-19T10:14:00.000-07:00

oh god.

i'm going to kill myself.

i spent hours.

literally hours building my

perfect dream house

on sims.

and somehow.

thanks to one wayward click

of the stupid mouse.

i lost it all.

i knew it.

i should have followed my instincts

when it told me to save when i built my house.

but i stubbonly decided that

it could wait.

people.

learn this important lesson from me.

save everything while you can.

i need to bang my head against the wall.

arghhhhh.

and to top it all of.

thanks to my addiction to the game,

i forgot when was the last time i took my medication.

shucks.

i hate losing track of the time.

everything must be precise!!!!!

damn damn.

wanted to do so many things today.

and in the end.

didnt even get to do one.

arghh.

so sk,

did you stay over at connie's place?

dont think i'll be seeing you this weekend.

:(

boo.

maybe next week then.

dont forget about me okayy.

anyway.

wasted my day away today.

filled with regrets.

perhaps tomorrow will be better.

going with my uncle to buy speakers.

hahah.

finally.

anyways.

it was my sis's birthday today.

i took one photo.

and thats the one above.

i haven put it up yet.

but i just know that if i upload it,

it will end up on the top of the post.

haha.

okayy.

thats all.

and i miss hubbs.

oh wow.

just look at the picture.

haha

i just uploaded it.

its slanted.

haha.

whatever.

my sis is rather cute.

rather.

except that she looks

quite bad in this hot.
oh wells.
its the only one i took.
haha.

happy birthday ann.
anticipate many more years of
horrid horrid school.
:>

2007-05-17T21:53:00.000-07:00

Brightest of the faded stars.

tainted glory,

it could only be me.

things are relatively good in school.

my patience level has been so stretched

to unbelieveable heights

that i think i'll never be the same again.

one minute she's so trying,

next second,

the sweetest angel.

i should accept my fate

and take this period as a

chance to improve my tolerance level

in order to be a better nurse.

did well for my tests.

i should be happy i suppose.

i should be.

well.

i am.

anyway.

i didnt got to school today.

woke up with the

most disgusting feeling in my throat.

so went to the doctor.

throat infection.

wow.

antibiotics, anti-inflammatory pills, flu pills

and fever pills.

one might think i'm some

pathetic little weakling.

geez, it just a sore throat.

no matter though.

not gonna take

most of the medicine.

honestly,

i just wanted an excuse to pon school.

hahaha.

besides, constant relience

on medication will increase your chances

of buliding an immunity towards it.

what if the next time i really have

some sort of flesh eating bacteria

and no antibiotics can ever cure me.

ha!

its called long term health planning!

one must learn to be streetsmart like me.

anyways.

my mum bought me the sweetest looking

marshmellow lolipop.

its damn freaking cute really.

i'll never eat it.

never.

and i caught an ant.

not any, ordinary looking ant.

its called a trap jaw ant.

(went to research online)

its the animal with the fastest organ in the world.

record breaking.

its pincers

are HUGE.

and i caught it.

took me half an hour.

i have photos.

hahahahah.

not very clear though.

cause its trapped inside the plastic container.

2007-05-15T05:18:00.000-07:00

wow.
its monday again.
no wait.
that was yesterday.
todays tuesday.
alph's birthday.
haha.
the second most impt day next to may 24.
hahaha.

which of course is THE most important day.

the world just wont be complete with out it.
hahahah.
oh shut up.
hahahaha.

god.
i'm so annoying.

anyways.
wish me luck for my bio test.
had it yesyerday.
didnt really study for it.
all in all,
if you really count the hours that
i spent studying.
fruitfully.
(staring at the same page for an hr
does not count at all)
it would be a total of about 1 and a half hrs.
yupp.

i hope i pass.

amd to top off this regular shitty week.
i have my pft tomorrow.
if i'm lucky, maybe i'll
contract acute appendix tonight,
then i'l have to go for a minor operation.
that will let me off sports and wellness for the rest of the year.
obviously den i wont be able to
run the 2.4 tomorrow.

you must be thinking,
2.4,
thats not too bad right?

wrong.
lets just give you a rough idea of
how pathetic my level of
physical fitness is now.

i ran for the bus today.
(yes, i'm one of those losers who run like hell after the bus. guess i'm not that cool. haha.)
and luckily, someone informed the bus driver that i was running behind.
and he kindly waited for me.

just for sprinting that 40metres,
i panted on the bus for like
3 whole minute.
seriously.
i actually felt faint.

faint.
for running after a bus.
can u even begin to imagine what
the 2.4 will do to me?
i dont even want to think about it.

shudders.

well.
we will let tomorrow worry for itself.
like i said.
something could crop up.

temporary stall.
heavy rains?

long term stall.
i fracture my leg due to slipping and falling in the heavy rain?

or
i faint halfway while doing the first lap, and that will solve my problem
of completing the 2.4.

how unlikely.

stop fussing like a girl, sara.
suck it up like a man!
one two. one two.

anyway.
i should really go bathe.
i did earlier.
but i wanna do it again.
i suspect i have ocd.
obsessive complusive disorder.

bye.

2007-05-12T22:29:00.000-07:00

met up with f7 yesterday.
didnt k like we planned though.
haha.
decideded to just go slack in town.
ate in this place in far east.
i like the food there.
ate my beef hor fan.
damn nice.
but after we left the place,
our clothes all reeked
of the oil fumes.
and we smelled like
coffeeshop..
i suppose i'm the only one
who noticed it.
since i'm sort of obsessive complusive
over these kinda things.

didnt really know where to go after that.
went to cine to chcck out
those room things
that you can book by the hour.
but since we were in our school
uniform,
everything was kinda restricted for us.

haha.
had the weirdest, most
freakiest episode in the lift.
you see.
we were going up to the
level where people play lan.
(wasnt really paying attention to what level it was)
the lift was pretty crowded.
you know how cine is
on a weekend.
well.
slowly,
as each level passes,
the crowded in the lift
lessen.
soon it was only us.
f7.
then.
the lift door opened
at this level.
and this guy came in.
slowly.
he was dressed really poorly,
for someone in town.
like in some worn looking
"uncle" polo tee,
burms
and slippers.
i think he had glasses on.
and he was holding a newspaper.
all in all, he looked like the
typical exaggerrated perv
you see on tv.

he stepped really slowly into the lft.
and instead of facing the door like how normal people
do when they get into lifts, he faced us.
and we were all
plastered at the various corners of the lift
just staring at him
in silence.
and when the lift door closed,
he started smiling at us.
and his hand slowly reached to his crotch area.
i swear,
all of us just held our breaths.
it was like watching a sick movie in slow motion.
we were just waiting to
see if what we all thought
of him from the minute he stepped into the lift.
was true.

the atmosphere in the lift
was damn tense man.
can you imagine.
all eyes were looking at the crotch direction.
no one uttered a single word.
all the while
the sick guy
was grinning happily at us.

we
would have dearly loved to see the outcome,
but sadly.
the lift came to stop at our level
and so
when the door finally opened
we rushed out.
didnt even get a final glimpse of the pervert
cause he was swallowed up
by the crowded that entered the lift.

for a moment before the lift door opened,
i thought that he was going to block out exit.
and prevent us from going out.
but of course not.
since we dashed past him
and all
of us automatically made a
right turn into the toilet area
threw ourselves against the walls
and burst out laughing.

he was such a sicko honestly.
i supposed if it had only
been one or two of us in the lift
we would have been petrified.
but since it was 6 of us.
it was more funny
than anything else.

oh wells.
haha.

we did more things after that.
like went to ben and jerrys and all.
but since i have to go study
downstairs.
(i have a test tomorrow)
i need to stop here.
plus shaoye wants me to send her the photos in my fone.
kayy.
bye bye.

2007-05-09T05:05:00.000-07:00

OH MY GOD.
i can finally use this shit.
i swear.
my com has been infected with some
virus thing.
and i couldnt use the com for days.
its been horrible.
not being able to express myself.
arghh.

and i suddenly recall
one incident when i was involved in a
class debate during english lesson.
and i was suppose to argue
that blogging is bad.
i take it back.
totally take it back.
even though my team won.
and i got best speaker.
i'm sorry.
i take it all back!!!!!!!!
i love blogger!!!!!!!!!!

okayy.
whatever.
hahaha.

and so.
i have a face test tomorrow.
i have to get A for it.
i have to.
but i honestly think that i wont.
i know i'll pass.
i just wont get an A.

oh wells.
when it comes to accepting the
inevitable.
i've become an expert on it.
all in my scope.
:>

i'm supposed to be preparing for my test.
but i figured that since i've spent my whole
day in school.
i need to destress.
personal time you know.
very important.

someone in school
is driving me insane.
totally insane.
but i cant express it.
i just cant.
cause she's like.....
its just impossible.
and so.
when i meet up with you guys,
please take it all into stride
if i have a verbal vomit
about her.
i have to bitch about her.
obviously, since her skin
is so thick
that every sarcastic comment
that accidentally slips out of my mouth
just bounces of her.
arghh.

yupp.
this is all.
meet yukai and sk.
for but a few precious minutes.
too tired you see.
but nevermind.
friday is coming.
just after tomorrow.
then i can see you guys again.
:>
god.
i just live for the weekends.

and one more thing.
i'm sorry for your loss.
really.
but now, you have one more angel
to look out for you up there.

thats it.
i'm done.
bye bye.

why do you look like a man,
who's discovered a diamond,
in a heap of shattered glass.
when all i am after all,
is shattered glass.

2007-05-03T23:36:00.000-07:00

wow.
finally.
my internet's up again.

well.
not that it mattars.
i haven had time to use the com this
week anyway.

oh.
but i did watch this movie on tv.
i have no idea what the title is.
but its damn freaking nice.
not romantic
or whatever.
and there are no cute guys.
all girls.

but its not a girl power show either.

now you must be wondering.
so why the hell would sara
like a show,
that has no cute guys, is not a girlpower show,
and is not even funny?

well.
its a weird movie.
about this suicidal girl
who was sent into
a private mental hospital.
its damn good.

she was like the sanest person there.

but she made friends with them.

and the best part was,
at some point,
she didnt want to leave the place.

the whole show is like morbid.
really.
i was so fascinated with the plots
and characters,
that i couldnt even bare to go to the toilet.
and the movie was on cable.
as you know.
no advertisments.

i'm so sure nat will love it.
really.
its just so interesting.
nat, you should watch it.

god.
i'm craving for some
familiar company.
bp, hubbs....angie..
where are you all??
f7!!!

i think i shall call sk and ask her where she is.
apparently
she went to watch spiderman with dylan and zhiyi.
hmmm.
oh wait.
let me find out what the title of the movie.

stars
angelina jolie,
and brittany murphy.
and whoopi goldberg
hmmm..

oh.
checked it out.
its "girl, interupted".

go watch it.
or maybe not.
not everyone will like it.

oh well.
okayy.
shall stop here.

I'm done, there's nothing left to show
I try but can't let it go
Are you happy where you're standing still?
Do you really want the sugar pill?

2007-04-29T10:54:00.000-07:00

My thoughts kept me awake.
I realise now.
Am i too late?

wow.
have a look at the time people.
1.55am.
and i have to be up at 5.50.
why am i not asleep.

well.
i can thank the coffee
and afternoon nap i had.
well.
i will never again.
never.
how i am gonna survive tomorrow?
i happen to have four hours of bio.
four bloody hours.

just shoot me.

well.
lets see.
what should i do?

i have too much on my mind you see.
it just keeps floating around in my head.
i need to catch all those errant thoughts
and stuff them into a box,
keep them there
till i know what to do with them.

arghh.
i'm going to attempt to retire to bed again.
damn you.
elusive sleep.

sweet dreams are made ot these;
:>

2007-04-26T06:46:00.000-07:00

Careful now,
You're so beautiful
When you've convinced yourself
That no one else is quite as beautiful

hello.

one more day till saturday.
no wait.
less than that.
school ends early tomorrow.

i hate school.

actually.
its okayy while i'm attending it.
but once i'm on the bus,
and going back to my REAL life.
i really hate school.
i hate going back to that place.
hate it with all my heart.

but the funny thing is that.
when i'm in school.
i dont hate it.
really.
i just accept it.
and even like it at times.

whats wrong with me?

sometimes i wish i would die
in my sleep.
so that.
i wont have to face school in the morning.

of course i dont really WISH that.
that would be suicidal.
and i'm not into that kinda thing anymore.
i just think it.
thinking is different from wishing.

oh wells.

all i think about is studying
and sleeping.
and the worst part is that.
these are the two things that i do
the least.
but they are all i can think about.

food is not even that fun anymore.
its just something to stop my stomach from growling.

oh no.

right now.
i really want to sleep.
cause since i'm too tired to study,
i might as well sleep,

but i cant even do that.
cause my fucking dad
lent my phone to his idiot friend,
who has the same
phone as i.
and wants to take a look at it.
so he can compare how incompetent
he is at handling his own phone,
while he looks at MY phone
and marvels over the the
personlized ringtone and wallpaper
that i have put up,
and he could too,
if he wasnt
so
FUCKING STUPID.

and so.
i sit here.
waiting for my dad to return.
hoping that no one has called my phone
during this duration.
and waiting,
to set my bloody alarm clock in my phone.
thats responsible for waking me
up for school
that i totally dread,
tomomrrow.

see how fucked up everything is?

arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

i hate this.
hate hate hate.

some one please save me..

Hold it now
You've got everyone convinced
that your alright
When no one else is quite as vulnerable

2007-04-23T06:17:00.000-07:00

I’ve given up on
giving up slowly,
I’m blending in so You won’t even know me
apart from this whole world
that shares my fate.

tired tired tired.
what can i say.
same old story.

i'm getting used to the place now.
i have developed my own
personal
"piss off" look.
i just have to remember to
wear it all at times.

thers nothing much to blog about.
except that i
have this screw family shit dinner
on saturday.
which seriously stinks.
cause its eating up
into my only 2 days of happiness in a week,
and i'm feeling extremely bitter
towards whoever planned the dinner.
i repeat
extremely bitter.

whatever.
and so.
i will stop here.

and i still need a teleport machine.
and a shrinking machine too.
someone.......
please................

:>

This one last bullet you mention
is my one last shot at redemption.

2007-04-21T10:38:00.000-07:00

got a new phone.
its okayy i guess.
its growing on me.

anyway.
went for for dinner with f7 today.
finally.
after a long long time.
we get to meet up.

had steamboat.
the aunty there was the best.
totally fussed over us.
haha.
she's the motherly type.

grace and connie didnt join us for dinner though.
grace had some wedding dinner.
and connie was broke.
haha.
but we met her later though.
i really missed the familarity we share,
dont get that in school.
but i suppose it all takes time.

dropped by to say hi to hubbs
before heading home.
miss her too.
why cant i just pack u all into my
bag and bring you to school with me.
then i could take you out during lectures,
so i wont feel so much like
an alien.

oh wells.
just like my teleport machine.
it cant happen.

angie just came back from camp.
somehow.
there's this thing abt temasek ploy's
orientation camp
that makes everyone love it so.
honest.
vann and angie loved it.

well.
maybe its cause they
kind of the enthu people.
like, they're sporting.

at least some people are having fun in school.
thats more than i can say abt myself.

wait.
i make it sound so bad.
no no.
its not that horrible.

there are nice bits.
like the new facilities, the friendly friends.
the school work is interesting and the boys are cute.
the food is cheap and the campus is big.

see.
its not so bad.
in fact its great.

so why dont i like it there?

the answer is,
not yet.
i dont like it.
yet.
i will.
soon.
okay?

2007-04-20T07:30:00.000-07:00

i saw a white butterfly at night today.
pure white.
though it was a piece of paper floating
in the air.

and no,
i did not mistake it for a moth.
its a butterfly.
but what's it doing
flying around at night?

couldnt help thinking about angels
and angels of death.
haha.
maybe the white butterfly is an angel of death?
you think?
it was really pretty you know.
i stopped to stare at it for awhile.

made a new friend today.
from another class.
its amazing how singapore is so small.
and yet two people
like her and i
can have lived too extremely different lives.

i thought i had it bad.
until i knew them.

trust me people.
we're living the lives of the rich and famous.

there's this certain edge to
the students here.
honestly, its like they've been hardened by life too early.
i know it sounds corny.
but its seems to me
that they have really been exposed
to the uglier pictures.

beside them, i feel gullible and
alienish.

maybe thats why i'm so quiet in school.
i already have too much on my
hands from observing them.

its amazing how much you can learn about others
over lunchtime.
i dont even have to talk.
the occassional word here or there.

of course there's just
the slight problem
of feeling like you dont belong there.
in every aspect.
and i mean EVERY aspect.

you know what it feels like to be me right now?
i feel like a journalist.
sent to war
to learn about the situation.
so that i can report and write about it.

dangerous and terrifying.
thrilling and interesting.
and lonely.
yes.
extreme lonliness.

i'd rather be sitting by myself on a bus.
staring out of the window.
knowing that i'm really alone.
and there's a reason why.
then
belonging in a group of
friends. (maybe not yet)
surrounded by laughter and chatter.
yet feeling so alone.
with no clue why.

maybe i still need time.
we all do.
i feel like i'm mentally excluding myself.
always pointing out the differences between them and I.

i still miss my real friends.

but maybe i can make more here.

i just need time.

loads and loads of it.

oh yes.
one more thing.
will someone please invent a teleport machine.
i need one.
really really really badly.

2007-04-18T05:55:00.000-07:00

argh.
school.
i'm here to bitch about it.
arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

its like miltary school.
honestly.
the lecturers there
snap and bark at you.

pick on you for the littlest things.
hair, attire, punctuality.

i feel like i have to start marching when i see them
and stand at attention.
i feel like a soldier.

haha.
its getting better i suppose.
i guess, once you find a common
enemy, (the lecturers)
your little group of
friends become more
united.

but,
i still miss my real friends.

i hope no one from my school reads my blog.
i dont suppose they do.
i haven given them my blog add.
haha.
i probably will never.

i'm sleepy.
why am i always feeling sleepy nowadays.

i hate buses.

2007-04-17T06:06:00.000-07:00

hi.
i'm damn tired.
wanted to go to bed right after i showered.
the time now is 9:07pm.
yes.
thats how tired i am.

school.
what can i say.
i dont like it.
but then, when have i ever
claimed to like school.
i'm slowing fitting in.
making new friends.
friends make life
in school almost bearable.
almost.

i miss my real friends.

wow.
i sound like A BITCH.

oh wells.
good night.
i'm not anticipating the
eternal bus ride to school.

2007-04-15T12:50:00.000-07:00

HELLO BELOVED.
i decided t drop a short post t brighten your blog.
AAHHAHA.

so anyways, your mr spoiler not around,
and you din bother t call me?
]:

whut's this sia.
oh wells.
i miss you.
and enjoy skl ok.
i'm sure you'll be hot stuff there.
love.

i bet you hate these 2 pics.
but i just wanna say you look good ok!
[:

done your song.

2007-04-15T08:02:00.000-07:00

tomorrow is my big day.
my first day plus orientation.

(ughh. my uncle just came from behind me, and i had to close
the page. then he asked why i was being so secretive. like hello.)

anyways.
i'm dreading it.
and at the same time enticipating it.
i really hope it turns out okay.
not the hostile environment that
i have in mind.
please please please.
well. i've thought about it.
the worst case scenario is that
i'll just have my own little corner and
spend all my free time
alone in that corner with my handphone.

its win win.
if i have friends, i'll be happy.
if i dont, i'll have more time to study.
my glass is always half full!

had dinner at lorong 8 yesterday.
ate guay chap.
yumm.
had one and a half bowls.
stayed there with gabby, bryan, joshua, alph, yukai sk and charmaine.
sk and charmaine left earlier.
the ones who had no curfew
(like me for once)
stayed till 3 plus.

it was fun.
rather anyway.
except when they started talking about boring
guy stuff like
soccer, computer games, prisonbreak and National service.

tatoos and piercings,
weren't that bad.
at least they were morbid enpugh to fascinate me.
joshua sympathised with me when he saw my
blank face.

i packed my room today,
:>
forced sk to help me.
thanks to her, we threw away.
4 garbage bags worth rubbish.
due to my "garang-guni" tendencies,
there were many things i wanted to keep,
and have, for years.
stuff like semi used
primary school excercise books,
phamplets, bits of old toys,
melted sweets and dried rotten flowers.
however, sk was adament that
i threw all these stuff away.

in a certain wooden box, we found a maggot.
i didnt even realise it was a maggot at first.
i thought it was just some bead thing.
and i was rolling it around the box.
until sk peered rather closely at it.
and went

"oh fuck. its a fucking maggot."

and we sort of went slightly mad at that point.
as you can probably imagine.
i started running out of the room
running and screaming.
sk just moved her fingers and went

"kyak kyahhhhh"

hahaha.

it took us awhile to settle back down.
as as you can imagine.
none of us wanted to have anything
more to do with the box
nor the particular cupboard that we found it in.

well.
sk the brave did it anyway.
i went for the soap, and scented
baby wipes.
ans we scoured the cupboard.

tidying my room was
an experience.
terrifying and tense.
like you'll never know what you'll
find in a box or
between a dusty pile of worksheets.

aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so i can proudly say, that my room
is as neat as a pin now.
and it smells good, cause
i lit a raspberry scented aroma therapy candle.
its kinda old though,
so the scent's not that strong anymore.
but its served its purpose.

i think i should go bath now.
i havent you know.
and i've a hundred and one things
to do to get ready for tomorrow.
i need to body alarm clock
tuned back to normal.
no more early mornings and late afternoons.
haha.

okayy.
bye bye.
wish me luck everyone!!!
i'll keep you posted.

oh, hubbs.
can you help me put back the song?
the passwords and stuff is still the same.
:>

i cant help feeling that,
you did it on purpose.
well, whatever it is,
it hurt.

2007-04-14T21:50:00.000-07:00

and so i'm back.
after two days away from home.
being crashing over at sin ming.
staying up till the wee hours of the morning.
camwhored yesterday night.
with connie and sk.
had a regular girls night in.
with loads of junk food,
sausages, hashbrowns, eggs, coke,
ice lemon tee, cereals.
loads of giggling and teasing.
i suppose i could be nice and put up
some photos of us.
but sk and connie have done so i think.
and i'm just too lazy.
besides,
theres this game i wanna play.
and oh look, it has finish loading.
haha.
oh kayy.
i'll be back later.
bye

2007-04-13T02:09:00.000-07:00

Ha!
he's gone! god riddance!

afew days of blessed peace.

went to tiong yesterday.
Nat's birthday.
Haha.
nat the hermit
thought that she was going to spend her birthday
at home sleeping.
but of course not.

we sort of suprised her.
haha.
it almost worked.
almost.
but we kinda forgot about our shoes
that were outside the house.
haha.
and nat sort of knew
who's shoes they belonged to.

and so, it was half a suprise.

we had loads of surprises for nat yesterday.
bet came.
and so we bundled nat up
and left her in the bedroom,
blindfolded.
to await her surpise.
bet.

there was quite alot of food.
seshaa and i decided to
let ourselves go.
and so we sat side by side
and attacked the food.
chicken wings one after the other.
haha.
shanna was weird.
when sk asked her about the flavour of the cake,
she went,

"dunno. but nat should like it"

ya sure.
nat would like a cake
whose flavour was of unknown origins.

but anyway.
the cake, we soon found out
was blackforest.
it was okayy.
except i hated the inside.
the blue berry part.
there was this weird alcohol taste.

so anyway.
we were just lounging on the
bed.
in the room.
some of us were indulging in the occasional
ciggerrattes.
it was fun.

i think nat was happy.
nat, were you happy?

after that.
we went to the market to have supper.
thats when we went our separate ways.
some of us went to chill.
den went home.
jer's dad gave sk and i a lift
to sin ming.

where i stayed over with sk.
had such nice talks throughout the whole night.
cabbed home at 5 am?
haha.

thats all.
for now.
nat, i hope you had a happy birthday.
and stop being a hermit/ hermit crab.

hahaha.

love you.

2007-04-10T23:02:00.000-07:00

wow.
another long day at home.
just wasting away.
one more day.
just one more day.
all i have to do is live through today,
and i'll be rewarded with a
precious few days of respite.

went to vivo yesterday.
helpped angie shop for a bag.
finally after going through all the possible
bag shops in vivo,
angie settled on a Lonsdale bag.
its like some gorgeous pale green colour.
big and nice to carry.
it was the last piece.
so we asked the shop lady to reserve it
for us for afew hours
while we widened our options.
well.
bought it in the end.
only 90 over dollars.
rather reasonable for
such a pretty bag.

angie wanted a puma bag.
haha.
but puma closed at 430 that day.
which was a nasty shock
for all of us.
but anyway,
i'm quite glad it closed.
who wants a boring typical
puma bag anyway.
when we can get a exclusive
lonsdale bag.
only a miniscule number of
people will be carrying it in the country.

sk suggested new york pizza for lunch.
i'd alwayed thought that new york pizza was
dirt cheap.
wrong.
my pizza and fries was like 9 bucks.
but it was okayy though.
very filling.

the service was horrible though.

the lady taking sk's order
"tsked"
at her.
and all sk did was add in a order
at the last minute.

like hello.
its your job to take orders.
last minute or not.
and so we all glared rather nastily at her.
but didnt really dare to do
anything else
haha.
after all, they are the ones handling our pizzas.
better not suggest anything rash.
:>

meet nat, jer, seshaa at wisma afterwards.
gathered at topshop where we picked out a
top for jer for her first day of poly.
orientation i think.
first impressions are extremely important.

clarabelle was working at starbucks.
haha.
got a free caramel frappacino.
she going into the same course as sk.
at least they have each other.

things went slightly downhill after that.
my phone rang.
and the call was from the fucker.
sighh.
had to leave.
fucker wanted me back home.
whatever.

one day.
i'm going to get even for everything
you've done.
i'm really anticipating the moment.
i'm going to have so mucb satisfaction.
call me evil,
i dont mind.
after all, it takes one to know one.
You just wait.

yupp.
thats about all there is.
i'm going back to my book now.
and maybe take a nap later.

cant wait for the drinking session soon.
haha!

2007-04-09T08:50:00.000-07:00

oh god.

i cut my hair.
and now i look like crap.
i swear.
i dont why i did it.
and the worse part was
something just possesed me to say

"Err... a little bit shorter.. just a little bit."

what the fuck.
me and my itchy mouth.

haha.

oh wells.
thats what you get.

and i wanted to
shout at my mother earlier.
haha.
i was grousing in front of the mirror.
going on about how my
hair's gonna ruin my life.
and how i'll never find a boyfriend now.

and my mum went.

"Which part of your hair did you cut?"

"Cant you see?! The whole bottom part. It like damn short now la. i look like fuck."

"Dont have la. You cut the top part right, the top part. Thats why its coming out right?"

(for you information, the hair dresser didnt go anywhere near the top part of my hair.)

"i didnt la. Wa lao. Cant you see its like so much shorter now? It used to be like at here la!"
(starts jabbing at the middle of my back)

"Dont have." (and she said it in this super sure manner by dragging the "Dooont have" as though anyone should know the length of my hair better then me.)

and i wont even bother to
narrate the rest of the conversation.
because after that,
i got super irritated with her.
And she still refuses to
believe that my hair is distincly shorter.
even though even my brother says so.
she still insists that i couldnt have cut,
( nono, she used the
word "trim")
more than 2 inches.

2 inches my bloody ass.

okayy.
chill. chill.
woah.

so annoying right?
i swear its like so much shorter la.
arghhhh.

at least my dry ends are all gone.
and my hair looks thicker and more wavy.
(although its kinda wavy at all the wrong places)

but whatever.
the point is that its wavy.
humph.

besides hair can always grow back.

wow.
i've dedicated an entire post to my hair.
goes to show how vain
and self obsessed i am.

:>

well.
i know you all love me still.

bye bye!!!

2007-04-07T01:29:00.000-07:00

oh wow.
look at my brand new blogskin!

Compliments of sk!

she helped me do do everything!!!

isnt my blog cute?
the whole monster thing.
i've discovered then when the
floating monsters hover above the buildings,
it kinda looks like they are nibbling on it.
:>

anyway,
seen my pet kitten yet?
Tuna.
ironic huh?
please play with her kayy?
haha!
finally angie!
i've got a pet of my own
so i wont have to go to your blog like
some deprieved loon.
to fling your monkey about.
haha!

Gosh. i love my blog!!

Thanks sk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so i just came back from prata house again.
gosh.
i had better stop it.
think about the calories.

went for easter vigil mass at St anthonys.
ughh.
thanks to the whole baptism thing,
the mass was like 4 hours.
really.
i was dying.

next year, remind me
to stick with risen christ.

Oh God.

my mum just came up from behind me
and went
"Oy!"

and she started laughing when i jumped.

can you imagine her doing that?
i'm her daughter and i'm shocked.
anyway,
i was like

"woah lao, how can you scare people like that!"
"you're sick la"

and then she just mimicked me

"aiyoh, sick ahhh...."

like what the hell?

annoying.

does your mum do that?

anyways.
i'm off to take a shower now.
bye bye.

you're MY bp.

2007-04-07T01:27:00.000-07:00

HAPPY WITH YOUR NEW BLOGSKIN?!
ha!!!! you better be.
i pray you get rid of your bad habit,
of wanting to bite your kitten.
A WEIRDO,
will always be a WEIRDO.
:D

okayy,
now i leave you with your new blogskin.
please do not be a itchy hand,
and do whatever shit,
cause i won't help you if it turns out BAD.
LOVE YOU LALATEO!
:))

-your bp,
TANSUKKIAN.
<3

PS. new blog address.
SK.

2007-04-06T12:00:00.000-07:00

its like 3am exactly.
shudders.
what a nasty hour.

anyway,
just came bback from supper at
prata house.
Fun as usual.
alph was making everyone laugh
with his antics.

Someone was being an asshole.
but i wont elaborate.

Visited angie at work too.
she was adorable.
bustling up and down
in her waitress uniform.
sk and i decided to eat at the
cafe for angie's sake.
ordered mud pie and
some vanilla mocha drink.
gosh,
the mud pie was huge.
just made of layers of ice cream.
There was ice cream in the drink too.
and it was just all too rich.
delicious, for sure.
but too freaking rich and sickening.
haha.
angie's superviser gave us a discount.
nice guy.
left too soon though.
too eager to start dancing.
haha.

made our way to dxo
oh wells.
what can i say,
clubbing is not as glamourous
as they cut it out to be.
Mostly, guys get all the kicks.

And girls just unknowingly
lose it all

hahaha.

yes.
i'm feeling rather sour about it.
Nonetheless.
i brought it upon myself.
i guess i'm just not
used to it.
Its suppose to be normal.
You know..
clubbing.

anyway,
suddenly, dxo has become
a new hot spot for all the
bengs and lians.
Like, the place was brimming with them.
Honestly, its like they are the majority.
of course there were some cute ones,
but thats just not the point.

Didnt go for mass today,
Then again, whats new.
I'm earning a place for myself in hell.
thats for sure.
at least i'm going tomorrow.
thats for certain.

i'm tired.
should i contine blogging?
nah..
dont think so.
bye.

2007-04-03T01:33:00.000-07:00

nat is being an ass.
she refuses to send me
songs,
yet dangles them in front of me.
nasty right?

humph.

and she's copying me.
with the whole appearing offline thing.
BLEAHH.
for everyone's info,
if nat is not online now,
its a trick.
she is.
she's just appearing offline.

feel free to flood her with messages
and emails.

i'm bored.

and i've got the sniffles.
i hate having the sniffles.

at this rate.
i'm never going to get a boyfriend.
who like girls
with sniffles 24 hours a day.
certainly not me.

well.
as you can tell.
i'm in a mood.

humph.
shall go eat some chocolate.

shall i tell you a secret?

i did something nasty just now.
i threw a 1 quarter eaten
ice cream out of the window.

cause i was quite angry with it
for deceiving me.

you see.
i wanted to eat somthing.
and i saw the ice cream in the
fridge.
it was like wrapped
in gold cellephane paper.
just pure gold.
and the picture
of it on the box looked really yummy.

it looked something like
the magnum ice cream
except it tasted nothing like it.

urghh.
i was so irritated with it for cheating me.
asshole ice cream.

i'm so agitated now.
i think i shall look for something else to eat.
bye.

2007-04-02T01:41:00.000-07:00

wow.
its like monday today.
a new week again.

what did i do yesterday.
oh yes.
went for the body shop sale!!!
read it in the paper.
up to 70 percent discount.
at suntec city convention hall.
obviously, any sale thats held there
is worth going.
big big sale.
and so when i read that
sunday was the last day,
i freaked.
haha.

after attending mass,
i dragged charmaine, gabriel, ashley colin.
to muji to buy stationery.
actually.
the pens at muji are cheap.
just dont buy the rulers,
staplers and other stuff like that.
over priced.

went to suntec city after that.
wow.
i was really blown away.
grace popped up and we got carried away
together.
really.

it was crazy.
charmaine was the onll one
with some form of self control.
and bought stuff mainly
for her mum.

i went wild on make up.
went around smelling evrything.
spraying, sniffing, smudging.
haha.

sk came rushing down in a cab.
contracted the disease too.

between us.
we bought it all.
lipgloss, lip stick,
eye shadow, eyeliner.
moisturiser, perfume,
body foam,
mirrors. i spent a fortune
on my lips.

but what can i say.
the aqquisition,
is a high that last for days.
had so much fun arranging my
make up.
trying it on.
wow.

which reminds me.
i want to try on graces' waterproof
lipstick.
its really waterproof.
as in, when we tested it on out skin,
we could wipe it off.
it even when grace yow the gross,
kept licking it.

okay.
on to other matters.
i want to go for the party this thursday.
dxo.
but how.
there are like so many factors against it.
i know its an underage party,
so so underage parties are lame.
says nat long.
but i still wanna go.

but that would mean,
i'd be behaving like a worse catholic than
i already am.
and considering my standard.
and thats kinda impossible.

okayy.
i'm bored of blogging.
bye

2007-03-29T08:22:00.000-07:00

hallo!

nothing adventurous today.
went back to the stupid clinic all the way
at woodlands.
to get back my medical report.
so i'm not suffering from any
terminal illness.
good news?
hmmm...

matter of opinion.

haha.
just kidding.
its good news.
good news.

anyways.
i have to have my hepettis b
(i give up spelling that word)
jab.
and guess what.
its like 3 jabs.
3.
three.

apparently.
i had a jab when i was a kid.
but my body just couldnt develope
a natural immunity.
and so,
many years later.
i have to have artificial aid again.
wow huh.
its not like i am that
adverse to needles.
just that i cant stand the thought
of having a foreign body
injected into me.
and no less then 3 times.

well.
its not up to me.

so after that.
went to causeway point
to eat.
causeway point has everything.
food.
cinema
shops.
it really has everything.
except starbucks.

i mean.
what place doesnt have starbucks?
like hello?
what do woodlanders drink then?
no mocha frap?
so sk n i settled for some unknown shop.
and as luck would have it.
the "chocolate coffee" sucked.
really.

oh wells.
causeway point is just so lacking the vibe.
seriously.
even vivo is better.
at least vivo has space.

and the person i was hoping to see.
wasnt even there.
blast it.

okayy.
thats all for now.
i'm going to watch tv.
the i'm coming back to watch
flyboys.
on the com.
bye bye.

2007-03-28T09:52:00.000-07:00

i have suddenly come to realize
two things.

one, my blog is really boring.

two, my spelling sucks.

honestly,
it has just only occurred to me that my
blog is indeed really boring.
i have like no videos,
never any photographs.
why do people bother visiting my blog?
why?

of course in my defense,
if your words and description
are vivid and animated enough,
there are no need for any photographs.
right?
besides, you guys have the link
(however unrealiable they are)
i'm sure you can find sufficient photographs
of various events in my life.
if you are clueless,
try vann's blog.
germaine, connie?
they are pretty consistent with
uploading pictures.
so theres actually no need for me to
put up any photos.
besides, why act like you have a
digi cam when you dont.
haha.

anyways.
i finally went to macritchie reservoire.
and i dragged alph, youkai and sk with me.

well, it didnt turn out as smoothly as i expected.
there was the small issue of getting lost
and ending up at bukit timah.
but thats not the point.
we managed to reach the treetop trail bridge thing.
it was a horribly exhausting journey there.
what with the flying insects all round
and the creepy feeling that bugs are crawling
aa around your face.
not to mention constantly
brushing away spiderwebs from your body.
eww.
but when we reached the bridge,
it was rather worth it.
the view was really nice and
we had it all to ourselves.
so we decided to make our trip worth
so we sat down in the middle of the bridge.
sk was freaking out.
(due to the whole afraid of heights thing)
and alph was not helping by
jumping up and down.
making the entire structure tremble.

we styed there for about 15 mins.
that was when things became rather nasty.
haha.
we lost our way.
cause there were like loads of crossroad in the
forest. and we were interested
in taking the shortest route out of the blasted place.
ended up making some wrong turns.
haha.
and found ourselves on this never ending stretch of
road called the rifle range road.
somewhere in the middle of bukit timah?
have no idea.
we thought we were doomed
to walk forever.
thankfully,
there was this cab driver who gave us a lift
out to the main road.
when we were in the cab,
we were like all calculating the distance
we would have to walk to
reach the mainroad if the taxi driver hadnt
saved us.
haha.
it was a rather nervous silence
as we drove through the road.

so we finally reached home.

now in the relative comfort of my
home.
i find it quite easy to say that
the whole trip was rather fun.
interesting and all in all,
a learning experience.
i might go again,
if i have any friends left who are
willing to follow me.
hahahaha.
but a different route next time.

i shall stop here.
my wrist is hurting.
ouch.
theres like this dull ache.
do you get that often?
is it cause of the typing?
ouch.
bye bye.

2007-03-26T20:44:00.000-07:00

today is a do nothing day.

there are some days that you just have
to leave empty.
you know,
really veg around the whole day.
i know you might think that since i've stopped
working, i'm
wasting my days away at home.
lounging around.
thats not entirely true.
in fact,
i'm hardly unoccupied.
my days somehow, are filled with
school preparation,
social gatherings,
and church activities.
i must say,
i'm living quite the social life.

infact, i have a trip to mac ritchie
(is that how you spell it?)
reservoire.
plann to go hiking you know.
its going to be quite fun.
i'm looking forward to it.
our goal is to reach the
treetop bridge.
the one that was just recently
built.
right smack in the middle
of the reservoire.
give you a wonderful birds eye view of everything.
plus its really really long.
think how much fun i will
have on the thing.
making it move just
to scare sk.
hahahahahaha.
makes me quite excited just to think of it.
i think i'm rather disturbed in the mind.

anyways.
i shall stop here.
my nails are so long
that they've become rather
irritating.
makes typing so difficult.
quite tempted to trim them.
but since i'd have to do so
in about half a month anyway,
i must as well keep them
while i still can.

oh wells.

okayy.
bye.
i will be back soon.
after all, theres nothing to do other then
read, watch tv and blog.