total destruction, my perfection.

Saturday, July 29, 2006

hello.
i'm in a good mood now.
no one's disturbing me.

but sadly.
i have nothing to blog about.
pepper( my aunts dog)
is staying at my hse.
hehe.
he's so adorable.

follows me ard the hse.
and is sitting below my chair now.

he'll be going home tml though.
aww.
i'll be so sad.
but at least den i'll be able to go out.
yupp.
cos today i was stuck at home.
cos i had to look after pepper.
but it was worth it la.

nat come today.
haha.
and she was rather fascinated
with pepper.
took him for a walk to the fruitshop.
haha.
sk was there.
everyone just adores pepper.
the ramly guy was there too.
whatever.
haha.
nat asked me to ask him to give us
a discount.
haha.
so since there was no fries.
i asked for nuggets.
it come in 3 for a dollar.
so i was like.
"eh, 4 for one dollar la."
den he went.
"four ah. okayy la."
haha.
den nat was like
"five la five la."
den we all laughed.
haha.
cos duh he's not giving us five.
so guess i had to settle for four nuggets.

sk was happily feeding pepper
small pieces of apple.
haha.
spoil him.
den nat said something quite scary.

"put pepper in my soup!"

haha.
me and sk just stared
at her, horrified.

haha.
den we were like
"nat!!!!!!!!! hu can u say that!"
"better take pepper further away from her."
"ya lor ya lor"
"sadistic one"

haha.
yupp.
today was a good day.
i hope everyone had a good day too.
byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

cant keep dwelling
on what i cant change.
focus on all that makes me smile instead.
then maybe i'll survive.
one day at a time.

spoke at : 7:26 AM

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

hello.
my blog has been boring.
boring.

been doing nothing except
draw, draw and draw.
haha.
okayy.
that makes me sound like
an artist that is super passionate about
her work.
haha.
which so not the case.
so not.
i hate drawing.
but since i hate studying
even more.
at least i'm not wasting my
time just slacking.
at the very least i can justify
my actions by telling people
that i'm doing my art.
for my o levels.
so
haha!

my drawing stinks by the way.
taking art is like sucha big mistake for me.
but since i cant cook for nuts,
i have no other choice.
and geog is practically shit.
most of the geog girls
are clueless.

jx got caught by the police.
sucker.
thats what happens
to no good thieving people.
but i heard that he's been released.
Oooooooooo.
we all better watch out.
he might return for revenge.
hey.
ah bengs can be pretty fierce know.

school was alrite today.
had fun wid sk n germ as usual.
we have soooo much fun together.
taking turns to make fun of each other.
of course i'm the best
at making fun of them.
i just love to annoy them.

germaine has currently been annyoing sk too.
hahahaha.
she keeps making fun of this
girl in a jap show she's been watching.
and cos the girl has this
disease that causes her body to
detioriate slowly.
the poor girl cant walk properly.
and our dear germaine chng,
enjoys copying how the girl walks.
and she does it all the time.
which apparently amuses me,
but sk cant stand it
cos it's kinda evil and mean.
hahaha.
i realise that our germaine is
rather fond of copying
people who cant walk properly.
right maine maine???
you evil shit you...
haha.

but i cant say a complete saint
since i'm currently
making fun of the blind guy that
acts in my nine oclock chinese show.
haha.
i love copying him.
he's just so irritating.
hahahaha.

tan suk kian is
not excused either.
forever noticing people
who are too skinny,
have bad hair cuts, or who
look like complete nerds.
and den she'll poke me
and make me look at them.
den we'll say something mean
and den laugh really loudly.
germaine joins in most of the time too.

so now u understand why
we 3 get along so well.
haha.
we're all rather mean people.
birds of a feather flock together.
:)

bet those who are reading this are scared of
all of us now.
nyahahaha.
yes.
fear us!!!
we are to be feared!!!

had mass practice with
our class and 4/10
as well.
our form teacher mag low
was like scary luhh.
especially to people who arent already used to her.
kept asking the pianist to play slower,
better, faster.
forced us to sing.
"sit up straight. all of you!!!"
"louder!!!!"

we were all so skittish luhh.
apparently, i found it all so amusing.
so i kept laughing and looking at hear.
but when she caught me staring i'd quickly
look down at my songsheet again.
haha.
haii. how i love mrs low.
angie cant stand her though.
:)

yupp.
so dat was it today.
nat din come to school.
stupid ponster.

sk was having a bad sore throat just now.
dont expect she'll be comin to sch tml.
i gave her my lozenges.
hope they help.
serves her right la.
for eating so many biscuits and honey stars.
told you sk!!!
nyahaha.;

okayy.
byeee.

living in this twisted facade
of a family sitcom
is killing me softly.
get me out of here.

spoke at : 5:06 AM

Monday, July 24, 2006

yess.
hello.
today was a fun day in school.
barely had any lessons.
it was basically only english.
which was rather intense.
but den again,
it always is.

had this super childish conversation
between
me,sk n germ.
hahaha.
we talked about shit, and urine.
haha.
we talked about eating it and
living in it.
about the pros and cons.
haha.
i was so disgusted that
i had difficulty swallowing
the clorex sweet that was in my mouth.
:)

i found your body.
i feel like a murderer.
even though he did it.
killer.
killer.
killer.
i blame everyone.
especially myself for
letting it happen.
wish he died in your place.
i know i cant take much more.
reaching the breaking point.
how much longer do i have
to keep it all in.
i cant anymore.
losing grip.

where's my angel.
come take me away.

spoke at : 5:11 AM

Sunday, July 23, 2006

sometimes.
being where i am.
dying seems to be the only way out.

i wish i had the guts.

too bad i'm such
a pathetic coward.

i pray for either your death or mine.

spoke at : 8:07 AM

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

my blog is so super stagnant.
urghh.
dont blame anyone though.
theres practically nothing to blog about.

today was rather slack.
especially chinese.
watched i not stupid 2.
boring.
its like my third time watching it already.
i felt so superior
as i watched everyone else laughing
at the show.
its like
"been there... done that.
nyahahaha.

anyway.
i felt so bad yesterday.
lost my temper at my grandmother.
i think i'm gonna burn in hell.
honestly.
but what to do right.
i lost my keys again.
and it really irks me
to have to stand outside my door.
not being able to go into my house.
so sickening.
i shant eleborate on what
i did and said
in a fit of anger.
cos it'll all just reflect horribly on me.
all i can say
is that i totally
acted like a spoilt brat.
:)
taadaaahhh.
the real sara at home.
now i will understand if you
all dont wanna be my friends anymore.
hahaha.

anyways.
doctors are so slack.
slackers.
they havent even
bothered to call shao ye's
mum to tell her about the
x ray results and all.
how inconsiderate.
what if time is the essesence here.
what if every minute is costing shao ye's
very life!!!
who's gonna be responsible!!!
sue 'em i say!!!
sue sue sue!!!
poor shao ye.
left undiagnosed.

anyways.
i have a new reason for living.
:)
my 9 pm show on channel 8.
*sighs contently
he's just so gorgeous and nice.
love him.
please.
its so not julian hee (or however u spell his stupid name)
its the other guy.
:)
heh heh.

anyways.
shall end here.
i need to go prepare for the show.
hahaha.

byeeeeeeeeee.

oh yar.
maine maine.
u really must finish your entire
course of antibiotics.
i cannot stress its importance enough.

spoke at : 5:21 AM

Monday, July 17, 2006

haven been here for awhile.
guess i lost the
urge to blog.
theres nothing much to say anyway.

besides.
whats the point
when other people
say it all
for me.

sometimes.
you gotta learn to
put a sock in it.

anyways.
things are pretty much fine.
as long as i try to not
see anything else
except whats in front of me.

i have nothing more to say.
:))

byeeeeee.

here still.
waiting for you.
or maybe not.

spoke at : 8:06 AM

Saturday, July 15, 2006

1 and a half hours
to the party.
and none of us
are near ready.
:)

not including the time we take to travel there
and preen in front of the mirror.
haha.
i'm guessing we'll be
beyond fashionably late.
way beyond.
oh wells.

connie and sk are here.
doing make up, hair
making use of my big
big mirror to do it all.
i'm almost done.
just save for my hair,
which i had plans to curl.
but vanesa's not home yet.
so i'm waiting for
her to finish
buying her cheongsam.
so i can make my way to her hse.
yupp.

i'm seriously curious
about how the majority
is going to turned up dressed in.

connie's wearing a gown.
white. silky. gauzy.
she looks like miss singapore.
and to top it all off
she's wearing a tiara.

sk's wearing a dark chocolate
coloured gown.
with lace trimmings.
and a very low cut:)
simple and elegant.

i'm wearing a white
tube dress.
to my knees.
light and puffy.
with red details at the edges.
my outfit's really casual.
i hope i dont
stick out like a sore thumb.

hopefully.
the majority will be
more casually dressed.
haha.
but i think quite a handful
of people are wearing gowns.
haha.
we'll see. we'll see.

there was like such a frantic rush
to buy a dress yesterday.
everyone was going crazy
shopping for the ideal dress.
it was a dress frenzy!!!
hahaha.
and today there was
like a half crazed
attempt to buy accessories and shoes.
haha.
its so funny how
we girls go to such lengths
to look good.
blame derek and his
formal party idea.
haha.
but at least its unique.
and people are excited cause it's different.

at least i am.
but i'm kinda dreading it also.
what if i stick out.
too casual?

nah.
just have a good time.
the most i'll just
wear a paper bag over my head
and write someone elses name
on it.
hahahaha.

okayy.
i will stophere.
will update on the
party when i get back.

hope the food is good.
i'm starving.
plan to eat my way through
the party.
:)

spoke at : 1:30 AM

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

hoho.
just came back from town.
went window shopping with vann.
i'm so tired now.
after this,
i'm just gonna sleep.

i just used a different shampoo earlier.
i'm trying out the different brands
and the effects they have on my hair.
today was Pantene.
not bad.
i dont even have to use conditioner.
hmmm.

anyways.
school was not bad today.
haha.
love it when theres no maths.
know what.
i have a feeling that
our science teacher
mrs jen chu
is just really biased against
me and sk.
arghhh.

its so unfair la.
the whole class was sleeping
during bio today.
and all i did was
put my head on the table
and my pen was still moving btw!
and she asked me to get
up and stop being lazy.

excuse me?
stop being lazy??!!!
how is writing while
resting my head on the table lazy??!!
is she blind?
cant she see that everyone else was sleeping
on every other table except
me n sk's table??
is she crazy?

den.
when sk couldnt take
the boredom
and finally sucumbbed to
sleepiness.
mrs chu was like
"everybody sit up! dont let me catch you lying on table if not i will take away your table."

i mean like what are the odds la.
for more than half an hour,
when everyone was sleeping she never said anything.
but the moment sk slept,
she complained.
annoyance.

but to be fair,
sk n i had so much funn
laughing at the unglam faces
people had while sleeeping.
haha.
jer was dam funny.
so was seshaa.
i wanted to throw something at her.
but too bad she woke up before
i could.
:(
oh wells. theres alwys next bio lesson.
haha.

noelle was sleeping like a pig.
and we laughed like shit at carolyn
cos she was damn smart.
she slept with her hand in the air.
so that mrs chu couldnt tell.
hahha.

den nat appeared at the window.
so i tried sending her the
"i love you" sign.
haha.
and she signaled me back la.
haha.
so funny.

see.
we can have so much fun in school.

germaine finally has her internet back.
went with her to look for a simple black dress today.
couldnt get one.
so she bot a nice polka dot thing instead.
such a good bargain.
:)

anyways.
thats all la.
i wanna sleep.
haha.

my baby bolster has been kidnapped!!!
i want it back!!!
arhghhhhhhhh.

spoke at : 6:05 AM

Saturday, July 08, 2006

yesyes.
i'm back from my long
rest from the nasty fever
thing that everyone seems to be catching.

did i talk about my chinese orals?
oh yes. i did.
but not in great detail huh...
but not like theres much to say
about how i did.
just four letters.
s.h.i.t
yupp.
thats about sums
my entire oral up.
:)

i finally went back to church today.
and attended mass
for the first time in
like 1 and a half months.
i must say.
kinda missed the whole churchy atmosphere.
awwwww.

but before that i was kinda in a bad mood.
so i took it out on
my husband, girlfriend and lover.
hahaha.
whoops.
i'm so mean.
i think i owe them an apology.
cos i left without saying goodbye
and stuff.
well.
sorry.
i'll make it up to you'all.
:)

actually.
i have nothing to blog about.
so i shall end here.

know what.
i miss hanging out with seshaa, jer and gang.
maybe we could hang out togets soon.

spoke at : 9:49 AM

Thursday, July 06, 2006

if u refer to my previous blog,
you'll know what i wished for.
yepp.
i got it.

the bug has got me.
who'll be next?

chinese oral was a disaster.
i completely wasted all my
years of learing chinese.
loser.

dats all.
staring at the screens gives me a headache.
i shall stop now.

burn baby burn.
:)

spoke at : 5:28 AM

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

school never seemed to end today.
just dragged on and on and on.
and germaine din come to school.
which made it worst.
missed her lame, dry comments.
:(
but thankfully i still had sk.
hahaha.
we teased each other endlessly.
love her.
:)

guess what!!!
hahaha.
i was late for school for the first
time in my life today!!!
i did it!!!
haha.
but i have to admit,
it was not accidentally.
i kinda deliberately
wanted to be late.
but to be fair,
i did wake up alot later
than my usual.
but if i had rushed,
i knew that i could have made it
to school on time.
instead.
i took my time.
took a shower.
ate waffles
and watched mtv.
hahahaha.
it was damn relaxing.

and when i went into
the office to get my pink slip,
i was so damn happy
i was smiling to myself all the way!!!
maybe i should do it again.
its so refreshing!!!
hahahah

everyone is sick.
connie, germaine, vanesa
the list goes on....
theres obviously a bug spreading around.
i hope i dont catch it.
stay away from me
all you infected people!!!

know what.
sometimes i know
that i should be grateful
for everything i have.
i mean, compared
to alot of other people
i have so much.
and what i dont have
is because i dont deserve it.
but i cant help feeling
insecure sometimes too.
i know that
i dont normally come across
as a insecure person.
thats because sometimes i
just shrugg it all off.
but once in a while
it comes creeping back up
from where i've kept it.
and i start to become
paranoid.
and then paranoia leads to
suspicion and fear.
and finally,
i feel inadequate
and not good enough.

and i start to compare myself
to all my other friends.
its like evryone has a special
quality.
and they dont have to try
to be popular.
they just are.
each and everyone one if them
seem so special
and well loved.
in one way or another.

and then i look at myself.
and i feel that sometimes
i have to work
twice as hard as them
to be noticed.
and than i cant help not feeling
that maybe i dont really belong
there.
that i'm the odd one out.

its like
i'm always thinking and thinking
and thinking.
i think all the time.
even when i look like
i'm talking and having fun.
its annoying.
but my mind wont stop.

but...........
looking at the bright side.
maybe all this is
the result of me
thinking too much.
maybe i m special
just like my friends.
thats why they are my friends.

but why dont i see it sometimes.

anyways.
on to other stuff.
i have my chinese oral tml.
so dead la.
my chinese is
about as good as
an african kid's
who has never set foot
out of his remote village
somewhere in the middle of
africa his whole life.
i think my malay is better than
my chinese.
and i dont know how to speak malay.
okayy.
lame.
haha.

i have to go look for my
o level paper thing now.
if not i'll not be able to
go for my oral tml.
hope i din lose it.

wish me luck.
byeeeeeeeee.

missingmylover.
:)

spoke at : 2:52 AM

Monday, July 03, 2006

happy youth day!!!

went kbox today.
actually,
i really hate k box.
i think they are just totally out
to squeeze money outta people.
i wouldnt mind giving away my money to
nice, polite people who are
just doing their job.
but the workers at k box are like
freaking rude.
damn freaking rude.
and to top it all off,
the k lunch set was a total
rip off.
seriously.
i mean,
we all had to pay 11 bucks for lunch
and 3 hours of singing.
it sounds reasonable.
but the food was damn
gross la.
there was like only
2 choices.
chicken teriyaki,
or breaded fish.
which sounds okayy .
right?
but in reality,
it was just 3 pathetic pieces of chicken.
and the breaded fish
was about the size of a bar of soap
and half its thickness.
and it was freaking oily.
damn gross!!!
i was so irritated with k box today!!!
i really hope that
some new karaoke place will
open,
and k box will lose all its business!
the only reason i patronise k box,
is cause there are no other karaoke places.
i hate k box!!!

and they have so many rooms that are not filled,
but they wont let us stay longer and sing.
they even go to the extent
of opening our door and
standing there until we clear.
arghhhh.
stupid fat annoying cheena bitch.

the next time i go there.
i'm gonna ask if
they have a feedback form.
and i'm gonna give them some
honest feedback.
and hope they fire that bitch.
bloody irritant.

haii.
so sad luhh.
we din even get to sing all our regular songs la.
haii.
never mind.
next time, we'll get a chance.

maybe when i grow up,
i'll open a karaoke business.
and make sure all my staff are
nice and friendly.
and all my good friends
get to sing for free.
:))

anyway.
after that.
i went to town.
we took neos and stuff.
i looked like shit in all.
so we shall not talk about it.
hahaha.

haha.
i played "stress" in long johns.
girlfriend taught me how to play.
i really cant do fast paced games.
haha.
got so excited playing it.
was making so much noise.
lover is the master at that game.
she's like damn fast la.
grace played against her and lost
like shit.
its really hilarious to see
grace trying her pitiful best to
be as quick as lover.
and grace was trying every single trick to win.
hahahaha
sk, girlfriend and i
were laughing our asses off
while watching them play.
i have a secret conspiracy theory
that lover is an alien and has an extra arm
or something.
you see, she can even lick her elbow.
she must be an alien.
hahaha.
freak.

okayy luhh.
dats all.
got school.
i wanna sleep.
byeeeeeeeeeee!

dont worry lover.
i'll still love you
even if you are an alien.
:))
hahahahaha.
freak.

so we shall not talk about it.

spoke at : 7:49 AM

Sunday, July 02, 2006

went to study today.
haha.
right.
i definately din do
any studying at all.
when am i gonna come to my senses.
at this rate.
i'll be retaking my o's for
like forever.

anyways.
things at home really stink.
it physically pains me
to be at home.
i hate being at home.
really hate it.
someone take me away now.
now.

whatever.

so i'm k-ing tml.
hahaha.
cant wait.
absolutely just love singing
tunlessly, rhythmlessly
into the mike.
we'll be eating k lunch.
will it be nice?
yummy.
i'm hungry.
i shall go have a doughnut break now.
i have a nice chocolate covered
doughnut
just waiting for me now.okayy.
byee,
will be back later.

spoke at : 8:07 AM

Saturday, July 01, 2006

ohh.
i didnt go for mass yesterday.
i have sorta concluded.
that if i suddenly die now.
i'll probably either go straight to hell,
or i'll spend like a gazillion years in purgatory.
i'd better start bucking up spiritually man.
otherwise i'm like so dead.

anyways.
went to town yesterday.
met the three longs.
haha.
din do much la.
just chilled.
i have bruises where lover bit me.
i have been bitten by her
so many times that
i feel incomplete without her bites.
yea rite.
i wish.
stop biting me la lover.
you're mad lor.

know what.
i have concluded that the
month of june is like
pure shitnesss for couples.
i'm not in a relationship myself.
so i cant be totally sure.
if you are in a relationship,
is it like shit now?

i was supposes to go for the
guides walkaton today.
sadly.
i din in the end.
dont get me wrong though.
i really wanted to go.
really.
i was quite excited abt it
last night.
haha.
but when i woke up this morning
at 6.
i called vann.
and she said she not going alr
cos she was running a fever.
and tan suk kian totally forgot about it.
so i was kinda disappointed and relieved at the
same time.
went back to sleep.

yupp.
thats all.
i will blog again later.

i found out something
from my mum last night.
devasting news.
i had suspected it all along.
but i never really totally
believe it.
what i heard really just seemed to
confirm it for sure.
i was at lost for words.
really.
feel like i'm living in a fucking
soap opera.
its so hard to go on pretending
like i dont know anything.
especially when i saw the
crumpled piece of paper.
why did you leave it there.
on purpose?
did you want us to find out?
you set all the rules.
you make us dance to your tunes.
what else do you want.
i wish i could say i dont give a damn.
but i cant .
not this time.
there is a limit to
how much i can throw
at the back of my mind and
pretend it doesnt exist.
i want to do something
drastic to trigger evrthing off.
anything is better then this
tense waiting.

i think of murder.
is it enough?
can i kill you over and over again?
i want to see you suffer.
for evrything you have done to us.

spoke at : 8:01 PM