you know the feeling,
like you have so much to say.
but dont know how to even begin to say it all.
and you question your ability to even be able to express it
in words, in such a way
that everyone understands you?

thats exactly how i feel.

thats why i just sat infront of the computer.
my fingers grazing the keyboard,
completely still.
for one whole minute.

trying to gather my thoughts,
and make sense of my feelings.

i want to talk about betrayal,
about unfaithfulness,
about regrets,
about revenge,
about intense hate,
about friendship,

and about forever.


all the good and bad.
mixed and blended into my life.
how to sieve out the bad ones
and just keep the good ones.

its impossible.
unfathomable.

thats why i'm going to stop here.
until i can make sense of this mess.

i cant bring myself to talk about it.

A very important lesson i have learnt.

yes.
i'm here to educate you guys on the importance
of not listening to your mp3 whilst walking
home at night,
especially, below those creepy, empty void decks.

as you have probably already guessed,
yes this freak approached me.
and the best part was that i had no clue
i was being followed till he just popped right out from behind
one of those green pillars near the car park.

i was just walking home, along my usual route.
but this time, i forgot to be cautious and paranoid,
and so my ear phones were happily blasting away
into my ears,
and my thoughts were consumed by
the lyrics of the song. (i was trying to imagine how the singer looked like)

suddenly, out of nowhere (i swear this sounds like some typical stalker story)
this chinese guy, around his mid twenties,
just slid out from behind me.

i thought he was going to walk past.
until he turned and stood about one metre away from me,
and he began eyeing me up and down.

i swear.
there was this insane look in his eyes
as they roamed my body.

(i promise wasnt wearing anything provocative.
just a t shirt and shorts, no make up, and flip flops.
i was coming home from church dammit!)

he took a step towards me.

and i my eyes widen as i pulled the
guilty ear phones from my ears.
i swear i thought he was going to ask me for
money, or to borrow my phone or something.

He gave me this quick half-smile thing (the types only looneys are capable of producing)
and he went

"Can we be friends?"

i was stunned for a moment, before i quickly recovered and replied,

"Errr.... no.. sorry...." (and i was backing away.)

He took a step nearer.

"Can i have your phone number?" (he had this low, nasal voice. Dont ask me how a voice can be low and nasal at the same time, but he managed to pull it off.)

"Errr... sorry.. no.. i have... a boyfriend." (continue to edge away)

and this time, it was like he got bolder,and took a really big step forward.
he was practically like a foot away from me.
and i could see the pimples on his face.

"Its okay, i just want to be friends... friends, thats all."

Totally creeped out by now, i just dodged past him and began taking
quick steps towards the small road leading to the main one.

All this time i was muttering,

"Err.. no no.. its okay.. its okayy.. "

and that psycho actually followed me!

finally, i reached the small road and just before i crossed it,
that freak actually raised his voice and went,

"You wanna fuck?"

and i was like OH MY GOD.
and i freaking ran like hell across the road.

and when i reached safetly (the opposite side of the road)
i turned, and literally saw him like
"backing into the shadows."

Like how typical horror/ psycho movie is that?
come on, like what were the odds.

On top of everything else.
that guy was dressed like a bloody nerd.
a big t shirt, over below knee length burmudas and sports shoes.
and he was carrying one of those typical loserish slings bags
over one shoulder.

you tell me how corny is that,
that i got shouted "You wanna Fuck?"
by some sexually deprived nerd
who probably still goes onto IRC
and uses a nickname like , (surferDudE146)
to have cyber sex with his "online stead".

SHEESH.

but despite all the anger and scorn i have for him now.
all this bravado didnt even enter my mind at that moment.
i didnt even thing i could have screamed if he suddenly
pulled me into the bushes for a random romp.

I SWEAR.

things like caling the police, shouting for help or kicking him
in the balls just
dont cross your mind.

arghh.

and so, i hope you caught the lifelesson of this story.

yupp.

Dont ever listen to music when walking home alone late at night.

dont say i didnt warn you.

:>

you know what?

well.



its official.

my parents are racist fucks.



yes.

its embarrassingly true.



i have no idea who is worst.

my dad, who openly talks about it

and actually sounds proud to be a bloody racist,

or my mum.

my hypocritical mum who pretends to have malay friends and collegues,

but is actually a secret muslim despiser.



i swear.

its horrifying.

and it all started at an innocent breakfast at the market.



it was just this morning.

but because i was so shocked by the turn out of the event,

its like my brain went into this deliberate amnesia thing.

you know, like how your subconscious self tries to protect your

sanity by deliberately trying to obliterate traumatizing memories.

yupp.



anyways, i will try to recall the series of events.



well.

i remember mentioning that grace had a malay boyfriend.

and the usual reaction from my mum.

the whole "i pity grace's parents" thing.



and i suppose i called her narrowminded and racist.

which sort of led to my dad

arrogantly blaring to everyone present that he was

"a bloody racist, and not ashamed to admit it."



and i was like



what the fuck.



then i sort of said like.

her boyfriend was like of the good sort.

you know.

like from a good, respectable family background,

well off and stuff.



and my parents totally just began shooting off a thousand other

opposite examples.



oh come on!



its not like you dont see any chinese or indians

on the streets bumming around.

please.

just take a look around my neighbourhood for an example.

there are definately loads of drunk indians and chinese.

always loitering around the coffeeshops into the wee hours of the morning.

tottering around, indulging in god knows what other vices.

anyways.

you wouldnt believe it.
because i foolishly thought that despite the many faults
my family has, i was raised in a home where tradition collaborates with
modern beliefs, and freedom of speech was encouraged.

well.
i was never more wrong.

as a result of the heated argument between my parents and i.
i got grounded.
yupp.

haha.
unfair?
lame?
unbelievable that arguing against racism got me grounded?
well.
now you know how oppressive my family is.
its like communism.
fuck.

well you see.
it was quite well under control.
until my mum had to say stuff like..

"dont ever bring a malay boyfriend home..."

which fueled my dad into saying

"if i ever see you with a malay guy, friend or whatever... i'm going to beat him up, then beat you up."

and i was like stunned speechless for a moment.
dont you find it so utterly shocking and terrifying.
that these words are coming, not from uneducated, backward fishermen or rice planters.
but urban, cultured people.
people who live and interact amongst society on a daily basis.
like hello?
am i the only one who sees something wrong here?




(by the way. this is so scary. i have to watch my back. the racists are home. and as you know.. no freedom of speech here. so i have to be sneaky about this post.haha. )

adreneline rush.
adreneline rush.
my dad just walked past.


anyway.
because i felt so wronged, i had to bitch about my parents to
my brother when i thought my dad was not around.

well.
as you know how this whole unlucky shit works.
i got caught saying stuff like..

"its karma."
"because they are so racist and bigoted, i'm going to end up marrying a malay guy."
"they just rewrote my life."
"i tell you. karma is so going to happen."


yupp.
and apparently, my dad didnt like what he heard about the
whole karma thing.
so he went.

"i know when to joke around(yeah right) and where exactly to draw the line. Dont use all this mind shit about karma with me. i'm not your mother. Dont fuck around with me."

and he continued, waving the rolled up newpaper in my face.

"Because of what you said, i'm going to watch you more closely then ever. Means from now on, no more late nights, you got yourself into this."


like what the hell.

how childish is that.
like he didnt like what i was saying,
(saying to my brother by the way.
like he had no right to evesdrop anyways.)
so he retaliated by what, grounding me?

and what did i say that was so awful?

they should ground themselves for being so damn racist.

no more late nights.

ha. what a joke.
sounded as if i had an abundance of late nights out in the first place.

wow daddy. you sure know how to sugarcoat it.

i feel so wronged.
ugh.

i almost feel compelled to get a maly boyfriend now.
just for the heck of it.
rile my parents up.
give one of them a heart attack.

i mean.
here i am, their own daughter, going off to a school that
comprises of more than a 70 percentage of malays.
and there they are,
trying to posion my thoughts with ill feelings towards my classmates?
like how immature and un parenty is that?

God.

anways.
i'm done here.
just had to vent the injustice of it all.
toodles.

oh god.
that took about long enough.
do not be fooled by my school's outwardly posh, urbane cosmopolitian design.
the computers have the pentium ability of a snail.

okayy.
as you have already guessed by my post,
i'm currently in school.
supposed to be doing some lame project about the
food paradises of singapore (like how primary school is that?)
but i've given up on the computer's ability to work with me, and so i've
decided to to do constructive blogging instead.

yes yes.
i know that i've been a horrible, bad, neglient blogger.
and the fact that i have a computer at home
with accessible internets makes it even more unexcusable.
but i've just been so sick of struggling with blogger.

i swear.
i did try the other day.
to put up this really entertaining gory post.
it took me ages to type out.
followed by a long tedious process of pasting the pictures.
yes. i included pictures.

but, typically of blogger, it left me hanging again.
happily though, i managed to save everything.
however
i darent try posting it here.
with this unstable computer.

so the purpose of this post for me, was mainely to kill time.
and also t inform you guys,
to keep visiting my blog!

hahaha.

yupp.
oh ya.
just incase you guys didnt already know.
i appeared in the newpapers.
hahahah.
looked like bloated nurse.
oh wells.

anyways.
one more thing.

Happy Birthday VANN!!!
you finally caught up!!!!!!!!!!!

We love you!!!

SARA TEO MT.
240590
gemini
F-5 :)



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