My thoughts kept me awake.
I realise now.
Am i too late?



wow.
have a look at the time people.
1.55am.
and i have to be up at 5.50.
why am i not asleep.

well.
i can thank the coffee
and afternoon nap i had.
well.
i will never again.
never.
how i am gonna survive tomorrow?
i happen to have four hours of bio.
four bloody hours.

just shoot me.

well.
lets see.
what should i do?

i have too much on my mind you see.
it just keeps floating around in my head.
i need to catch all those errant thoughts
and stuff them into a box,
keep them there
till i know what to do with them.

arghh.
i'm going to attempt to retire to bed again.
damn you.
elusive sleep.





sweet dreams are made ot these;
:>

Careful now,
You're so beautiful
When you've convinced yourself
That no one else is quite as beautiful



hello.

one more day till saturday.
no wait.
less than that.
school ends early tomorrow.

i hate school.

actually.
its okayy while i'm attending it.
but once i'm on the bus,
and going back to my REAL life.
i really hate school.
i hate going back to that place.
hate it with all my heart.

but the funny thing is that.
when i'm in school.
i dont hate it.
really.
i just accept it.
and even like it at times.


whats wrong with me?


sometimes i wish i would die
in my sleep.
so that.
i wont have to face school in the morning.

of course i dont really WISH that.
that would be suicidal.
and i'm not into that kinda thing anymore.
i just think it.
thinking is different from wishing.

oh wells.

all i think about is studying
and sleeping.
and the worst part is that.
these are the two things that i do
the least.
but they are all i can think about.

food is not even that fun anymore.
its just something to stop my stomach from growling.

oh no.

right now.
i really want to sleep.
cause since i'm too tired to study,
i might as well sleep,

but i cant even do that.
cause my fucking dad
lent my phone to his idiot friend,
who has the same
phone as i.
and wants to take a look at it.
so he can compare how incompetent
he is at handling his own phone,
while he looks at MY phone
and marvels over the the
personlized ringtone and wallpaper
that i have put up,
and he could too,
if he wasnt
so
FUCKING STUPID.

and so.
i sit here.
waiting for my dad to return.
hoping that no one has called my phone
during this duration.
and waiting,
to set my bloody alarm clock in my phone.
thats responsible for waking me
up for school
that i totally dread,
tomomrrow.

see how fucked up everything is?

arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh





i hate this.
hate hate hate.

some one please save me..


Hold it now
You've got everyone convinced
that your alright
When no one else is quite as vulnerable

I’ve given up on
giving up slowly,
I’m blending in so You won’t even know me
apart from this whole world
that shares my fate.




tired tired tired.
what can i say.
same old story.

i'm getting used to the place now.
i have developed my own
personal
"piss off" look.
i just have to remember to
wear it all at times.

thers nothing much to blog about.
except that i
have this screw family shit dinner
on saturday.
which seriously stinks.
cause its eating up
into my only 2 days of happiness in a week,
and i'm feeling extremely bitter
towards whoever planned the dinner.
i repeat
extremely bitter.

whatever.
and so.
i will stop here.

and i still need a teleport machine.
and a shrinking machine too.
someone.......
please................

:>


This one last bullet you mention
is my one last shot at redemption.

got a new phone.
its okayy i guess.
its growing on me.

anyway.
went for for dinner with f7 today.
finally.
after a long long time.
we get to meet up.

had steamboat.
the aunty there was the best.
totally fussed over us.
haha.
she's the motherly type.

grace and connie didnt join us for dinner though.
grace had some wedding dinner.
and connie was broke.
haha.
but we met her later though.
i really missed the familarity we share,
dont get that in school.
but i suppose it all takes time.

dropped by to say hi to hubbs
before heading home.
miss her too.
why cant i just pack u all into my
bag and bring you to school with me.
then i could take you out during lectures,
so i wont feel so much like
an alien.

oh wells.
just like my teleport machine.
it cant happen.

angie just came back from camp.
somehow.
there's this thing abt temasek ploy's
orientation camp
that makes everyone love it so.
honest.
vann and angie loved it.


well.
maybe its cause they
kind of the enthu people.
like, they're sporting.

at least some people are having fun in school.
thats more than i can say abt myself.

wait.
i make it sound so bad.
no no.
its not that horrible.

there are nice bits.
like the new facilities, the friendly friends.
the school work is interesting and the boys are cute.
the food is cheap and the campus is big.

see.
its not so bad.
in fact its great.

so why dont i like it there?

the answer is,
not yet.
i dont like it.
yet.
i will.
soon.
okay?

i saw a white butterfly at night today.
pure white.
though it was a piece of paper floating
in the air.

and no,
i did not mistake it for a moth.
its a butterfly.
but what's it doing
flying around at night?

couldnt help thinking about angels
and angels of death.
haha.
maybe the white butterfly is an angel of death?
you think?
it was really pretty you know.
i stopped to stare at it for awhile.

made a new friend today.
from another class.
its amazing how singapore is so small.
and yet two people
like her and i
can have lived too extremely different lives.

i thought i had it bad.
until i knew them.

trust me people.
we're living the lives of the rich and famous.

there's this certain edge to
the students here.
honestly, its like they've been hardened by life too early.
i know it sounds corny.
but its seems to me
that they have really been exposed
to the uglier pictures.

beside them, i feel gullible and
alienish.

maybe thats why i'm so quiet in school.
i already have too much on my
hands from observing them.

its amazing how much you can learn about others
over lunchtime.
i dont even have to talk.
the occassional word here or there.

of course there's just
the slight problem
of feeling like you dont belong there.
in every aspect.
and i mean EVERY aspect.

you know what it feels like to be me right now?
i feel like a journalist.
sent to war
to learn about the situation.
so that i can report and write about it.

dangerous and terrifying.
thrilling and interesting.
and lonely.
yes.
extreme lonliness.

i'd rather be sitting by myself on a bus.
staring out of the window.
knowing that i'm really alone.
and there's a reason why.
then
belonging in a group of
friends. (maybe not yet)
surrounded by laughter and chatter.
yet feeling so alone.
with no clue why.

maybe i still need time.
we all do.
i feel like i'm mentally excluding myself.
always pointing out the differences between them and I.

i still miss my real friends.

but maybe i can make more here.

i just need time.

loads and loads of it.





oh yes.
one more thing.
will someone please invent a teleport machine.
i need one.
really really really badly.

argh.
school.
i'm here to bitch about it.
arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

its like miltary school.
honestly.
the lecturers there
snap and bark at you.

pick on you for the littlest things.
hair, attire, punctuality.

i feel like i have to start marching when i see them
and stand at attention.
i feel like a soldier.

haha.
its getting better i suppose.
i guess, once you find a common
enemy, (the lecturers)
your little group of
friends become more
united.

but,
i still miss my real friends.

i hope no one from my school reads my blog.
i dont suppose they do.
i haven given them my blog add.
haha.
i probably will never.

i'm sleepy.
why am i always feeling sleepy nowadays.


i hate buses.

hi.
i'm damn tired.
wanted to go to bed right after i showered.
the time now is 9:07pm.
yes.
thats how tired i am.

school.
what can i say.
i dont like it.
but then, when have i ever
claimed to like school.
i'm slowing fitting in.
making new friends.
friends make life
in school almost bearable.
almost.

i miss my real friends.

wow.
i sound like A BITCH.

oh wells.
good night.
i'm not anticipating the
eternal bus ride to school.

HELLO BELOVED.
i decided t drop a short post t brighten your blog.
AAHHAHA.

so anyways, your mr spoiler not around,
and you din bother t call me?
]:


whut's this sia.
oh wells.
i miss you.
and enjoy skl ok.
i'm sure you'll be hot stuff there.
love.






i bet you hate these 2 pics.
but i just wanna say you look good ok!
[:

done your song.

tomorrow is my big day.
my first day plus orientation.

(ughh. my uncle just came from behind me, and i had to close
the page. then he asked why i was being so secretive. like hello.)

anyways.
i'm dreading it.
and at the same time enticipating it.
i really hope it turns out okay.
not the hostile environment that
i have in mind.
please please please.
well. i've thought about it.
the worst case scenario is that
i'll just have my own little corner and
spend all my free time
alone in that corner with my handphone.

its win win.
if i have friends, i'll be happy.
if i dont, i'll have more time to study.
my glass is always half full!

had dinner at lorong 8 yesterday.
ate guay chap.
yumm.
had one and a half bowls.
stayed there with gabby, bryan, joshua, alph, yukai sk and charmaine.
sk and charmaine left earlier.
the ones who had no curfew
(like me for once)
stayed till 3 plus.

it was fun.
rather anyway.
except when they started talking about boring
guy stuff like
soccer, computer games, prisonbreak and National service.

tatoos and piercings,
weren't that bad.
at least they were morbid enpugh to fascinate me.
joshua sympathised with me when he saw my
blank face.

i packed my room today,
:>
forced sk to help me.
thanks to her, we threw away.
4 garbage bags worth rubbish.
due to my "garang-guni" tendencies,
there were many things i wanted to keep,
and have, for years.
stuff like semi used
primary school excercise books,
phamplets, bits of old toys,
melted sweets and dried rotten flowers.
however, sk was adament that
i threw all these stuff away.

in a certain wooden box, we found a maggot.
i didnt even realise it was a maggot at first.
i thought it was just some bead thing.
and i was rolling it around the box.
until sk peered rather closely at it.
and went

"oh fuck. its a fucking maggot."

and we sort of went slightly mad at that point.
as you can probably imagine.
i started running out of the room
running and screaming.
sk just moved her fingers and went

"kyak kyahhhhh"

hahaha.

it took us awhile to settle back down.
as as you can imagine.
none of us wanted to have anything
more to do with the box
nor the particular cupboard that we found it in.

well.
sk the brave did it anyway.
i went for the soap, and scented
baby wipes.
ans we scoured the cupboard.

tidying my room was
an experience.
terrifying and tense.
like you'll never know what you'll
find in a box or
between a dusty pile of worksheets.

aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so i can proudly say, that my room
is as neat as a pin now.
and it smells good, cause
i lit a raspberry scented aroma therapy candle.
its kinda old though,
so the scent's not that strong anymore.
but its served its purpose.

i think i should go bath now.
i havent you know.
and i've a hundred and one things
to do to get ready for tomorrow.
i need to body alarm clock
tuned back to normal.
no more early mornings and late afternoons.
haha.

okayy.
bye bye.
wish me luck everyone!!!
i'll keep you posted.


oh, hubbs.
can you help me put back the song?
the passwords and stuff is still the same.
:>





i cant help feeling that,
you did it on purpose.
well, whatever it is,
it hurt.

and so i'm back.
after two days away from home.
being crashing over at sin ming.
staying up till the wee hours of the morning.
camwhored yesterday night.
with connie and sk.
had a regular girls night in.
with loads of junk food,
sausages, hashbrowns, eggs, coke,
ice lemon tee, cereals.
loads of giggling and teasing.
i suppose i could be nice and put up
some photos of us.
but sk and connie have done so i think.
and i'm just too lazy.
besides,
theres this game i wanna play.
and oh look, it has finish loading.
haha.
oh kayy.
i'll be back later.
bye

Ha!
he's gone! god riddance!

afew days of blessed peace.


went to tiong yesterday.
Nat's birthday.
Haha.
nat the hermit
thought that she was going to spend her birthday
at home sleeping.
but of course not.

we sort of suprised her.
haha.
it almost worked.
almost.
but we kinda forgot about our shoes
that were outside the house.
haha.
and nat sort of knew
who's shoes they belonged to.

and so, it was half a suprise.

we had loads of surprises for nat yesterday.
bet came.
and so we bundled nat up
and left her in the bedroom,
blindfolded.
to await her surpise.
bet.

there was quite alot of food.
seshaa and i decided to
let ourselves go.
and so we sat side by side
and attacked the food.
chicken wings one after the other.
haha.
shanna was weird.
when sk asked her about the flavour of the cake,
she went,

"dunno. but nat should like it"

ya sure.
nat would like a cake
whose flavour was of unknown origins.

but anyway.
the cake, we soon found out
was blackforest.
it was okayy.
except i hated the inside.
the blue berry part.
there was this weird alcohol taste.

so anyway.
we were just lounging on the
bed.
in the room.
some of us were indulging in the occasional
ciggerrattes.
it was fun.

i think nat was happy.
nat, were you happy?

after that.
we went to the market to have supper.
thats when we went our separate ways.
some of us went to chill.
den went home.
jer's dad gave sk and i a lift
to sin ming.

where i stayed over with sk.
had such nice talks throughout the whole night.
cabbed home at 5 am?
haha.

thats all.
for now.
nat, i hope you had a happy birthday.
and stop being a hermit/ hermit crab.

hahaha.

love you.

wow.
another long day at home.
just wasting away.
one more day.
just one more day.
all i have to do is live through today,
and i'll be rewarded with a
precious few days of respite.

went to vivo yesterday.
helpped angie shop for a bag.
finally after going through all the possible
bag shops in vivo,
angie settled on a Lonsdale bag.
its like some gorgeous pale green colour.
big and nice to carry.
it was the last piece.
so we asked the shop lady to reserve it
for us for afew hours
while we widened our options.
well.
bought it in the end.
only 90 over dollars.
rather reasonable for
such a pretty bag.

angie wanted a puma bag.
haha.
but puma closed at 430 that day.
which was a nasty shock
for all of us.
but anyway,
i'm quite glad it closed.
who wants a boring typical
puma bag anyway.
when we can get a exclusive
lonsdale bag.
only a miniscule number of
people will be carrying it in the country.

sk suggested new york pizza for lunch.
i'd alwayed thought that new york pizza was
dirt cheap.
wrong.
my pizza and fries was like 9 bucks.
but it was okayy though.
very filling.

the service was horrible though.

the lady taking sk's order
"tsked"
at her.
and all sk did was add in a order
at the last minute.

like hello.
its your job to take orders.
last minute or not.
and so we all glared rather nastily at her.
but didnt really dare to do
anything else
haha.
after all, they are the ones handling our pizzas.
better not suggest anything rash.
:>

meet nat, jer, seshaa at wisma afterwards.
gathered at topshop where we picked out a
top for jer for her first day of poly.
orientation i think.
first impressions are extremely important.

clarabelle was working at starbucks.
haha.
got a free caramel frappacino.
she going into the same course as sk.
at least they have each other.

things went slightly downhill after that.
my phone rang.
and the call was from the fucker.
sighh.
had to leave.
fucker wanted me back home.
whatever.



one day.
i'm going to get even for everything
you've done.
i'm really anticipating the moment.
i'm going to have so mucb satisfaction.
call me evil,
i dont mind.
after all, it takes one to know one.
You just wait.

yupp.
thats about all there is.
i'm going back to my book now.
and maybe take a nap later.

cant wait for the drinking session soon.
haha!

oh god.

i cut my hair.
and now i look like crap.
i swear.
i dont why i did it.
and the worse part was
something just possesed me to say

"Err... a little bit shorter.. just a little bit."

what the fuck.
me and my itchy mouth.

haha.

oh wells.
thats what you get.

and i wanted to
shout at my mother earlier.
haha.
i was grousing in front of the mirror.
going on about how my
hair's gonna ruin my life.
and how i'll never find a boyfriend now.

and my mum went.

"Which part of your hair did you cut?"

"Cant you see?! The whole bottom part. It like damn short now la. i look like fuck."

"Dont have la. You cut the top part right, the top part. Thats why its coming out right?"

(for you information, the hair dresser didnt go anywhere near the top part of my hair.)

"i didnt la. Wa lao. Cant you see its like so much shorter now? It used to be like at here la!"
(starts jabbing at the middle of my back)

"Dont have." (and she said it in this super sure manner by dragging the "Dooont have" as though anyone should know the length of my hair better then me.)

and i wont even bother to
narrate the rest of the conversation.
because after that,
i got super irritated with her.
And she still refuses to
believe that my hair is distincly shorter.
even though even my brother says so.
she still insists that i couldnt have cut,
( nono, she used the
word "trim")
more than 2 inches.

2 inches my bloody ass.

okayy.
chill. chill.
woah.

so annoying right?
i swear its like so much shorter la.
arghhhh.

at least my dry ends are all gone.
and my hair looks thicker and more wavy.
(although its kinda wavy at all the wrong places)

but whatever.
the point is that its wavy.
humph.

besides hair can always grow back.

wow.
i've dedicated an entire post to my hair.
goes to show how vain
and self obsessed i am.

:>

well.
i know you all love me still.

bye bye!!!

oh wow.
look at my brand new blogskin!

Compliments of sk!

she helped me do do everything!!!

isnt my blog cute?
the whole monster thing.
i've discovered then when the
floating monsters hover above the buildings,
it kinda looks like they are nibbling on it.
:>

anyway,
seen my pet kitten yet?
Tuna.
ironic huh?
please play with her kayy?
haha!
finally angie!
i've got a pet of my own
so i wont have to go to your blog like
some deprieved loon.
to fling your monkey about.
haha!

Gosh. i love my blog!!

Thanks sk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so i just came back from prata house again.
gosh.
i had better stop it.
think about the calories.

went for easter vigil mass at St anthonys.
ughh.
thanks to the whole baptism thing,
the mass was like 4 hours.
really.
i was dying.

next year, remind me
to stick with risen christ.

Oh God.

my mum just came up from behind me
and went
"Oy!"

and she started laughing when i jumped.

can you imagine her doing that?
i'm her daughter and i'm shocked.
anyway,
i was like

"woah lao, how can you scare people like that!"
"you're sick la"

and then she just mimicked me

"aiyoh, sick ahhh...."

like what the hell?

annoying.

does your mum do that?


anyways.
i'm off to take a shower now.
bye bye.

HAPPY WITH YOUR NEW BLOGSKIN?!
ha!!!! you better be.
i pray you get rid of your bad habit,
of wanting to bite your kitten.
A WEIRDO,
will always be a WEIRDO.
:D

okayy,
now i leave you with your new blogskin.
please do not be a itchy hand,
and do whatever shit,
cause i won't help you if it turns out BAD.
LOVE YOU LALATEO!
:))


-your bp,
TANSUKKIAN.
<3

PS. new blog address.
SK.

its like 3am exactly.
shudders.
what a nasty hour.

anyway,
just came bback from supper at
prata house.
Fun as usual.
alph was making everyone laugh
with his antics.

Someone was being an asshole.
but i wont elaborate.

Visited angie at work too.
she was adorable.
bustling up and down
in her waitress uniform.
sk and i decided to eat at the
cafe for angie's sake.
ordered mud pie and
some vanilla mocha drink.
gosh,
the mud pie was huge.
just made of layers of ice cream.
There was ice cream in the drink too.
and it was just all too rich.
delicious, for sure.
but too freaking rich and sickening.
haha.
angie's superviser gave us a discount.
nice guy.
left too soon though.
too eager to start dancing.
haha.

made our way to dxo
oh wells.
what can i say,
clubbing is not as glamourous
as they cut it out to be.
Mostly, guys get all the kicks.

And girls just unknowingly
lose it all

hahaha.

yes.
i'm feeling rather sour about it.
Nonetheless.
i brought it upon myself.
i guess i'm just not
used to it.
Its suppose to be normal.
You know..
clubbing.

anyway,
suddenly, dxo has become
a new hot spot for all the
bengs and lians.
Like, the place was brimming with them.
Honestly, its like they are the majority.
of course there were some cute ones,
but thats just not the point.

Didnt go for mass today,
Then again, whats new.
I'm earning a place for myself in hell.
thats for sure.
at least i'm going tomorrow.
thats for certain.

i'm tired.
should i contine blogging?
nah..
dont think so.
bye.

nat is being an ass.
she refuses to send me
songs,
yet dangles them in front of me.
nasty right?

humph.

and she's copying me.
with the whole appearing offline thing.
BLEAHH.
for everyone's info,
if nat is not online now,
its a trick.
she is.
she's just appearing offline.

feel free to flood her with messages
and emails.

i'm bored.

and i've got the sniffles.
i hate having the sniffles.

at this rate.
i'm never going to get a boyfriend.
who like girls
with sniffles 24 hours a day.
certainly not me.

well.
as you can tell.
i'm in a mood.

humph.
shall go eat some chocolate.

shall i tell you a secret?

i did something nasty just now.
i threw a 1 quarter eaten
ice cream out of the window.

cause i was quite angry with it
for deceiving me.

you see.
i wanted to eat somthing.
and i saw the ice cream in the
fridge.
it was like wrapped
in gold cellephane paper.
just pure gold.
and the picture
of it on the box looked really yummy.

it looked something like
the magnum ice cream
except it tasted nothing like it.

urghh.
i was so irritated with it for cheating me.
asshole ice cream.

i'm so agitated now.
i think i shall look for something else to eat.
bye.

wow.
its like monday today.
a new week again.

what did i do yesterday.
oh yes.
went for the body shop sale!!!
read it in the paper.
up to 70 percent discount.
at suntec city convention hall.
obviously, any sale thats held there
is worth going.
big big sale.
and so when i read that
sunday was the last day,
i freaked.
haha.

after attending mass,
i dragged charmaine, gabriel, ashley colin.
to muji to buy stationery.
actually.
the pens at muji are cheap.
just dont buy the rulers,
staplers and other stuff like that.
over priced.

went to suntec city after that.
wow.
i was really blown away.
grace popped up and we got carried away
together.
really.

it was crazy.
charmaine was the onll one
with some form of self control.
and bought stuff mainly
for her mum.

i went wild on make up.
went around smelling evrything.
spraying, sniffing, smudging.
haha.

sk came rushing down in a cab.
contracted the disease too.

between us.
we bought it all.
lipgloss, lip stick,
eye shadow, eyeliner.
moisturiser, perfume,
body foam,
mirrors. i spent a fortune
on my lips.

but what can i say.
the aqquisition,
is a high that last for days.
had so much fun arranging my
make up.
trying it on.
wow.

which reminds me.
i want to try on graces' waterproof
lipstick.
its really waterproof.
as in, when we tested it on out skin,
we could wipe it off.
it even when grace yow the gross,
kept licking it.

okay.
on to other matters.
i want to go for the party this thursday.
dxo.
but how.
there are like so many factors against it.
i know its an underage party,
so so underage parties are lame.
says nat long.
but i still wanna go.

but that would mean,
i'd be behaving like a worse catholic than
i already am.
and considering my standard.
and thats kinda impossible.

okayy.
i'm bored of blogging.
bye

SARA TEO MT.
240590
gemini
F-5 :)



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