total destruction, my perfection.

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

school never seemed to end today.
just dragged on and on and on.
and germaine din come to school.
which made it worst.
missed her lame, dry comments.
:(
but thankfully i still had sk.
hahaha.
we teased each other endlessly.
love her.
:)

guess what!!!
hahaha.
i was late for school for the first
time in my life today!!!
i did it!!!
haha.
but i have to admit,
it was not accidentally.
i kinda deliberately
wanted to be late.
but to be fair,
i did wake up alot later
than my usual.
but if i had rushed,
i knew that i could have made it
to school on time.
instead.
i took my time.
took a shower.
ate waffles
and watched mtv.
hahahaha.
it was damn relaxing.

and when i went into
the office to get my pink slip,
i was so damn happy
i was smiling to myself all the way!!!
maybe i should do it again.
its so refreshing!!!
hahahah

everyone is sick.
connie, germaine, vanesa
the list goes on....
theres obviously a bug spreading around.
i hope i dont catch it.
stay away from me
all you infected people!!!

know what.
sometimes i know
that i should be grateful
for everything i have.
i mean, compared
to alot of other people
i have so much.
and what i dont have
is because i dont deserve it.
but i cant help feeling
insecure sometimes too.
i know that
i dont normally come across
as a insecure person.
thats because sometimes i
just shrugg it all off.
but once in a while
it comes creeping back up
from where i've kept it.
and i start to become
paranoid.
and then paranoia leads to
suspicion and fear.
and finally,
i feel inadequate
and not good enough.

and i start to compare myself
to all my other friends.
its like evryone has a special
quality.
and they dont have to try
to be popular.
they just are.
each and everyone one if them
seem so special
and well loved.
in one way or another.

and then i look at myself.
and i feel that sometimes
i have to work
twice as hard as them
to be noticed.
and than i cant help not feeling
that maybe i dont really belong
there.
that i'm the odd one out.

its like
i'm always thinking and thinking
and thinking.
i think all the time.
even when i look like
i'm talking and having fun.
its annoying.
but my mind wont stop.

but...........
looking at the bright side.
maybe all this is
the result of me
thinking too much.
maybe i m special
just like my friends.
thats why they are my friends.

but why dont i see it sometimes.

anyways.
on to other stuff.
i have my chinese oral tml.
so dead la.
my chinese is
about as good as
an african kid's
who has never set foot
out of his remote village
somewhere in the middle of
africa his whole life.
i think my malay is better than
my chinese.
and i dont know how to speak malay.
okayy.
lame.
haha.

i have to go look for my
o level paper thing now.
if not i'll not be able to
go for my oral tml.
hope i din lose it.

wish me luck.
byeeeeeeeee.

missingmylover.
:)

spoke at : 2:52 AM