total destruction, my perfection.

Thursday, August 31, 2006

heres my update about my
singapore idol experience.

well.
i had no idea that mediacorp was like
that near my house.
like somewhere near thomson.
or caldercott hill or something.

it was raining cats and dogs.
and my shoes were like wet.
which was quite a pity cos
they were like my nice pair
of black heels.
and they were like felt...
hmmm.
sad.

it was rather funny at first.
cause we did not have the tickets
with us.
and so we had to go around looking
for a person called ........ okayy.
i cant exactly remember his name.
but it was really funny.
abdul kahim i think.
hahahahaa
and so,
izza went round,
asking for abdul kahim.
so embarrassing.

finally.
there was this guy at the gates.
and he was like asking people
to hurry in if
they were here for singapore idol.
then we were like...
"err.. are you abdul kahim?"
and he said yes.
hahahaha.
all this time he was there..
stupid ass rite...
so he gave us our tx.
and let us in.
like.... the gate person gave us
the tickets to get through the gates.
huh???
hahahaha

we
got through all the weird ticket
people.
walked for a while.
and finally we went in
to the singapore idol thing...

i was like..
ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
this is how it looks like.
you know how it looks so big and all.
on tv? like
the
size of the omni theatre in the
science centre.
well.
actaully.
its like really so much smaller than that.
the whole room is about the
size of half my school hall.
and the stage where they perform
is like half the size of my
school stage.

i was like i shock.
and it like really less glam than it
looks like on tv.
and if you actually bother to look closer
and actually scrutise the
surroundings,
(like what i always do)
you will see that
its actually quite dirty.
haha

and like half an hour before
the showed aired on tv,
the hosts germit and daniel
have to like go hype the
audience up.
and tell them to
act super high and excited an all.
haha.
its really quite funny.
it was like:

"all the moshies... when i sayWelcome to Singapore idol, everyone must go crazy!!!"

"you guys know what to do right? wave your arms! move it!!!"

and i actually thought that
all along it was all
a super spontaneous
action by the fans.

geez.

okayy.
so the show started.
and it was actually quite exciting.
our group was like the
loudest on the upstairs.
the balcony.

although i dont really support anyone,
i cheered like hell too.
we even got the attention of all
the judges during
commercial time.
haha. ken turned and looked up
to wave at us.

i have to say though.
that we were really damn noisy.
haha.
ij girls sure can scream.
i supposed thats why for once,
they kinda moved the camera this
awkward angle just to capture us ontv.
haha.
and i got excited.
too excited rather.
made a fool of myself.
haha.
instead of looking composed and glam...
i was waving wildly into the camera
with my mouth wide open.
like wtf rite?

on first time on nationa tv,
and i have to look like
a gaping idiot.
i'm so proud of myself.

incase you want to look
at my idiot face on tv.
theres the encore of singapore idol
on saturday.
but please try not to think
too badly of me
after u see it.
haha.

yupp.so thats about it.
actually, none
of them can really sing
you wanna compare them to
american idol.
but since its singapore idol.
we shall be proud of
our country and not
compare it
with a country that is
maybe 20 times bigger
or 100 times.
haha.
whatever.
i dont do geog.

jonathon is really gorgeous though.
i was like practically drooling
down at the audience below.
even though the weird turning
thing he did at the end of his song
screw it up.
he's still gorgeous.

yupp. thats all.
my com is totally lagging.
and i hope i will be able to publish this.
if not, i'll
just kill myself.
haha.
i'm going to the zoo tml.
bringing my sister.
how fun right.
i'm sure many will
sympathize with me.

okayy. byeeeee.
hope u were enlightened.

spoke at : 7:36 AM

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

okay.
today was such a slacker day for me.
i hope the geog girls did okayy.
i'm so glad i din take geog.
looking at the geography
passing rate....
hmmmmm...
but i'm sure my friends did okay.
i mean,
after all, they are my friends right.
so no problem!

anyways.
garbriel has complained
that i dont ever mention him in my blog.
haha.
how is it my fault
that i dont ever meet
you enough
to warrant mentioning you ?!!!
yes gabriel?
haha.

anyways.
gabriel gave me a super cute
drawing of some weird adorable
creature with wings.
it looks like some neopet.
but its completely original
cause he drew it himself.
and its really really nice.
yes yes.
gabriel is an artist.
but he has vowed to
give up pursuing drawing forever.
come on people....
help me tell gabriel thats he's so wrong.

you're so wrong gabriel!!!

hahaha.
anyways.
moving on..

actually. theres nothing to
move on to.
so i'll stop here.
oh yes.
maybe i'll be going
to watch the singapore idol live tmr.
anticipating it.
but its not confirmed.
wanna see how its like though.
and hear if any of them can
actually sing.
:)

yupp. thats all.
i shall update
about my experience
if i get to go.

stay tuned people.

spoke at : 7:05 AM

Monday, August 28, 2006

i am here to update.
about the papers i took today.

ss was fine.
i managed to manage my time properly.
had just enough time to
complete the paper,
with just a little bit leftover.

northern ireland came out.
just as we knew it would.
haha.
thanks to my favourite teacher.

ahhhhh.
where would i be without him
and his lovely hints.
hahahaha.

the moral of the story.
if you cant teach well.
at least drop good hints.
haha.
mr chan! i love you!!!

and so......
lets go on to maths.
i finished the 2 hr paper
with lots of time leftover.
so can roughly guess how it went.
:)
everyone said the paper was difficult.
well...
i couldnt really tell.
hahaha.
pathetic right.

now you all know.

yes yes.
so thats all.
i plann to go over to seshaa's hse tml.
i have loads of stuff at her place.
and seshaa lalinee can NEVER rmb to
bring any of it.
and now that school is like ending.
i'd better go collect it myself.
haha.
ya seshaa?
save u the trouble.
see.

den at the same time..
i can visit lover, girlfriend and hubbs.
that is if hubbs is not angry with me.
:(

yes yes.
thats all i have to say.
but maybe i'll update later.
bye bye.....

spoke at : 5:32 AM

Sunday, August 27, 2006

prelims.
stinks.
kill me.

haha.
i hope i'm not the only one suffering!
if i'm suffering...
everyone must suffer with me!!!

muahahahahhahahaha!

yes yes.
ss is tml.
so is maths.
i'm so screwed.
did abit of maths today.
roughly gauged my standard.
i have none.
:)

but i shall endeavour.

i hope i do okayy for my ss.
i hope everyone does well too.

lover.
hubbs.
connie.
sk.
yow.
ryl.
and angie
were here today.

suprised connie again.
sorry we couldnt do much for you.
but i hope you enjoyed your 2 days.
we love you.

maine maine
and vann couldnt make it today.
but its alrite.
their presence was with us always.
haha.
i make it sound like they are dead.
choy!
haha.

okayy.
thats all i have time for.
haha.
i need to go mug summore.
mug...
sound like chocobo? (private jk)
haha.

byeeeeeeeeee.

all is right with the world today!!

spoke at : 9:09 AM

Saturday, August 26, 2006

happy birthday connie!!!
omg.
i feel so weird right now.
like i cant type properly.
but i so have to wish you happy birthday!!!

yupp.
i hope you were really suprised today.
you are so important to us.
never doubt it okay.
without you,
and your clumsy, loving personality,
we would be incomplete.

love you connie.

:)

spoke at : 9:46 AM

Thursday, August 24, 2006

everything is screwed now.
dont you think so?
cant everyone feel it

because i can feel it
all around me.
like a bodybreaking fever.

i can see it.
like an eternal eclipse.
a black shadow.
blocking out our light.

i can hear it.
like a heartwrenching sob.
breaking us inside.

i dont have to say anymore.
you have to have felt it too.
i wish i could help. (quote)

but we're all struggling.
tom dick and harry.

we have to pull ourselves out
of this pit.
i know you know what i'm
talking about.

i'm here.
we all have to be here.

spoke at : 6:59 AM

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

high tensions.
low points.

thats what everything's about these days.
where am i?
caught in the middle?
or gloriously adding fuel to the raging fire?

i'm trying.
i really am.
but its just so hard
when you feel like you've
fallen so far and everyone
has gone on without you.
in every single aspect of my life.
it just feels like
i've been left behind in the past.

what keeps me going?
almost everything.
yet.
barely nothing.
i look forward to the end.

friendly faces,
and shared feelings
help me know that i'm not the only one.
i know i cannot be selfish.
thank you.
you get it.

i got to keep my feet on the ground.

spoke at : 7:12 AM

Sunday, August 20, 2006

i should be sued for
neglecting my blog.

learnt two new things
these past few weeks.

1. Three's a crowd.

2. Nothing good ever lasts.

Does it apply to you?
It sure does for me.
Think about it.
deeper.
Its true.

So lets just chill.
and let it happen.

spoke at : 7:39 AM

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

okayy.
so didnt go to school today.
pon.
and the worst part
is that i blew the whole day away
playing ps.
haha.
i'm so dead.
however.
i do intend to study later.
after all.
i'm am more of a night person.
except when i'm sleeping.
....
hmmmm.
that didnt make sense.

whatever.

know what.
the more i think about
it.
the more i realise that
i'm not really
an easy person
to get along with.

i used to think i pretty okayy.
but now..
hmmm.
how do people even put
up with me.
gosh.
oh wells.

heard that was a handphone spotcheck
in school or something?
guess i'm glad i decided
to pon.
haha.
sorry sk n germaine.
haha.
i'm so bad.
:)

i hope no one's phone
got confiscated.
i tried calling sk
but no one answered.
i hope her phone hasnt been
confiscated.
oh wells.

actually.
thats all i've gotta say.
got to study now.
hopefully.
hmmm.
byeeeeeeeeeee.

spoke at : 5:31 AM

Saturday, August 12, 2006

went school today to do art.
din accomplish much though.
haha.
cos i reached there at like
12 plus.
and we had to leave at 130.
so like.....
hahahah.

anyways.
went to mos to meet
maine maine, sk and ali.

they all had a ball of a time
making sick jokes
of my brother and i.
and laughing at my expense!!!
i tell you.
the jokes they made
made my skin crawl.
urghhhhhhhhhhhh.

ya. so anyways.
we were having so much fun.
laughing our heads off.
that i guess we made
quite a din.

there was this group
of ah lians?
i'm not even sure what they are
cos they dun even have enough style to
pass as ah lians.

one of them,
suddenly went:
Oy!!!

damn loudly.
i think we all had a shock.
so we went quiet for a minute.
but when we recovered,
gosh.
we were so cheesed off.

like who they hell do they
think they are.
guess they were just jealous
that we were having more fun then them.
what i can say.
between the 3 of them.
none of them looked
intelligent enough to carry
off a sensible conversation
much less something humourous.

i cant possibly tell who was the worse.
the huge fat one
who somehow had managed to
squeeze into a tight green shirt
and suceeded with all her fats
oozing out.
looked like a really big dumpling.

the one in black.
who was staring at us since the start.
trying to intimidate us (failing miserably)
and muttering chinese
swear words at us the whole time.
which is pointless,
since we cant hear her,
and just pointly ignored her,
and tried to laugh harder and louder
just to piss her off more.

or

the sad looking
one in glasses
that we barely noticed cos she
looked so boring and invisble.

i mean,
so we happen to all
have loud, full laughter.
its a fast food resturaunt.
not a classy dining place.
get over it.

gosh.
they were so annoying.
eventually,
they got up and left.
turning around to
say stupid things like
"want to fight then fight la."
in chinese.

pathetic right.
just proved that they only had the guts
to say that when they were leaving.
sheesh.

yar.
so moving on.
i watched click today.
its an okay movie i guess.
funny ahd heartwarming.

thats all.
oh yes.
loveer,
i've read your blog.
but i just cant tag it
cos the portion that
has the tagboard
doesnt appear.
hahahah.
how??
go change it.
so i can see it.

yupp.

miss my love peace and joy!!!

spoke at : 9:53 AM

Thursday, August 10, 2006

yes.
hello.

national day yesterday was funn.
i felt so patriotic.
i love my country.
woo!
haha.

angie. sk n connie
was there at my hse.
at one point,
we all got so high,
that we stood up and started singing along to
all the national day songs on tv.
hahaha.
it feel so right at that time.
but now,
i'm started to feel quite
embarrassed at what i did.
in front of all my other relatives summore.

hahahahahaha.
arghh.
i'm so embarrassed now.
shit.
haha.

oh yes.
i want to thank the people who tagged me.
gosh.
sweetness.
to think that i i was
pathetically feeling
all moody and sorry for myself
when i have a handful of people
who care about me.
:)
thanks ya'll.

i will focus on blocking out
unhappy thoughts.
hahaha.

moving on to other things.
something freaky happened
at vanesa's hse
afew nights sgo.
super freaky.
her dog suddenly turnned freaky
and started barking at vanesa and i.
and normally kingy(her dog)
is purely friendly n rather sillyish.
cute.
then we realised that it wasnt
barking at us.
it was barking at something
behind us!!!
ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and kingy was looking all over the room.
as if following some invisible thing.

vann's eyes and mine met.
and we did the wise thing
and just pretended like
nothing was wrong.
haha.
but after that
it was just forced conversation.
haha.
like:

"err. so, the neighbour that lives above your house makkes alot of noise huh."

".... huh.. oh ya. he's damn noisy...."

(we stop and look nervously at kingy, who is still behaving oddly)

"oh hahhahahaha." (nervous laughter)

yar.
it was pretty much like that.
so freakish right.
and it was already so late at night.
like 12.

i din dare to walk
home by myself.
even though i usually do
it all the time.
even during the seven month period.
so i called my brother to pick me up.
haha.
yes yes.
the conveniences of having a brother.

and germaine chng.
i know what's slyly
going through your
sick mind right now.
you better stop that.
hahah.

yupp.
thats it.
i wanna finish reading
this gorgeous book
that i borrowed from vann's sis.
its pure heaven reading it.
i think i could die from bliss.

arghhhhhhhhhhhh.
hahahaha.
byeeeee.

spoke at : 2:14 AM

Monday, August 07, 2006

hmm.
things are changing now.
i can feel it.
it different.
maybe not for most.
but its definately hitting me hard.

its just mudane, miniscule things.
ordinary things.
that no one else notices but me.
but maybe its just cause
i'm the only one feeling it.
so insignificant,
and yet i let it get to me.
guess that goes to show exactly
how immature i am.

to be fair,
i've been feeling it
for ages.
but lately its been getting hard to ignore.
it seems like everything

is just slipping away.
and the harder i try to grasp it.
the faster it slips away.
and i keep trying and trying.
now i've just given up.
because i've realised
that i cant do anything.
so i'm beginning to except the inevitable.
it's bound to happen to everyone anyway.
at least i'll be prepared for it.

but since i cant stand mood dampeners,
i shant be one myself.
its not fair to spoil everyone's day
just because mine's
like shit all the time.
i sound so horrid.
haha.
its not that bad.
just weird, awkward and different.

i wont think about it.
just let it come slowly.
maybe the tide will change.
perhaps,
by tomorrow.
i will be feeling stupid
for having felt like that.
but it matters today.
and thats all that counts for now.
today.

thats it.

i just hope that when its over.
i'm left with something.

spoke at : 6:33 AM

Sunday, August 06, 2006

okayy.
haha.
had funn yesterday.
after mass.
went to town.
heh heh.

maine maine was busy
having fun.
when i got grace to call her.
all we heard was the sound of
a movie going on in the cinema.
humph.
yes maine maine.
tokyo drift was it?
what was it that you were s'ppose
to watch with me
before tokyo drift?!!!

u should probably start
thinking about how
to make up to me tomorrow.
and if you're really good,
i'll probably forgive you.
hmmm.
lets seee.
nicholas tse
with me and vann???

met loveer in town
yseterday.
what nice surprise.
haven met her for ages.
wondered if she missed me.
:)
girlfriend too.
aiyah.
all the longs have a special place in my heart.

haha.
grace yow
suggested we play dota.
so we went to meet
the dota pros.
haha.
technically, everyone is pro-er than me.
a whole group of us played.
grace, ali, me, derek, jerr, yukai,
bryan, gabriel, and this guy called chin.
haha.

well.
needless to say.
i absolutely sucked at it.
i had like the lowest score.
i died the most times.
yes.
i was with no doubt the worst player there.
so much for your
dota girl dream team derek.
har har.

so as u all might expect.
some asses took advantage
our inexperience status
and targeted us
at every opportunity.
so bad rite.
lucky derek and jerr
were pro.
so we won.
despite the fact that me and grace
were 2 major liabilities.
hahaha.

so yesterday was fun.
i'd like to play dota again.
haha.

okay.
i will stop here.
i've got other obligations to fufill.
byeeeeeeeeeeee.

love. peace and joy.
missing you loads.

spoke at : 6:21 AM

Friday, August 04, 2006

yes yes.
i know i haven been
making a consistent effort
to update.
but i'm trying.
ya?

blame my stuuupid brother luhh.
he's the one.
forever hogging the com.
hence i barely have a chance to
use it.

its fridday again.
finally.
actually, its like saturday already.
but whatever la.

have been going for nite study recently.
not that i'm actually
doing much la.
but its kinda fun.
like theres just something
thrilling about hanging out
in school when its already dark outside.
heh heh.
kinda feels like a stayover.
guess i'm deprieved.

theres something fishy going
on with my parents.
they have been having dinner together.
and they seem to be on better terms.
i hate it.
and i'm completely honest
about it.
seriously.
its disgusting
and suspicious.

i'd rather they din talk.
this is really scary.
and i'm getting paranoid.
i really hope this
isnt going to last.
honestly.
freakish.

i know i sound really selfish.
i should be glad that things are going well.
but like.
i'm so used to the whole
awkward relationship thing.
and now that it looks
all smoothsailing.
its really really awkward for me.
i kinda feel like its
the last glow before the candle goes out.
hahahahaha.
guess i'm too dramatic.
but ya. whatever.

but i pray this weirdness stops soon.
its making me jumpy
and nervous at home.
uneasy.
keep feeling like something
is gonna happen.
Ooooooooooooooooooo.

hmm. yupp.
dats all thats going on.
for now.
i promise to update again tml.
so stay tune!!!

byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

imissloveer.
loads
and loads and loads!!!

spoke at : 9:32 AM