total destruction, my perfection.

Saturday, September 30, 2006

is it so hard?
to see whats in front you?
sometimes,
i think we are all born
emotionally blind.
and as we grow up,
we slowly learn to see.
but i guess,
some of us never learn
how to do it.
and because of their failure to do so,
other people get hurt.
because the point that they have been
trying so hard to put across,
gets mis-interpretated,
misunderstood.

but.
no one is to be blamed.
its better if no one knows
or understands.
some things are
left better
undiscovered.
but.
thats just my view.

lately.
things have been
complicated and messy.
everyday just ends up
becoming a whirlwind
of emotions.
bithdays,
celebrations,
exhuberance,
smiles,
laughter,
songs,
hugs,
get togethers,
dinners,
moodswings,
barriers,
helplessness,
irritation,
silence,
neutrality,
replacement,
concern,
curiousity,
resignation,
facades,
hurt,
rejected,
over shadowed,
pain
&
tears.

thats just to list some of
the emtoions.
i'm sure there are more,
that i dont even know
how to spell.
this is what we have been going through
the past few days.
little wonder that we are tired.
satisfied?
happy?
sad?
resigned?
the end is up to you.

why cant be things just
be simpler.
why?
why cant people control
how they feel.
why cant we choose our emotions.
then we'd all choose happiness
forever.

sometimes.
we have to learn to keep it in.
other times,
we have to learn to
read the signs.
occsionally,
we have to be ignorant.

simplicity
is a tiny virtue.
but without it,
everything becomes,
chaotic,
complicated
and messy.

i'm sorry for
speaking in riddles.
but the plain
truth is impossible.

spoke at : 9:24 PM

Friday, September 29, 2006

yes yes.
grace's birthday yesterday was fun.
finally had k box again.
its been forever.

instead of a normal cake.
we had moon cakes instead.
mini moon cakes.
of different variety.
yummy.

took loads of pictures.
theres one
where connie's chewing
on may hair.
and i din even know it till
she told me after that.
how horrible.
guess my hair's yummy.
:)
connie looks good in that shot.
its surprising how
one can look so adorable
while doing something so disgusting.
oh wells.
some people just look good.
for the pictures..
refer to sk's blogg.
there are tonns.

anyways.
everything went well yesterday.
the k box room was full of ballons.
haha.
spent ages blowing them.
was laughing like shitt too.
haha.
and my laughter
affected vanesa and ryl,
who couldnt blow
properly after that.
i'm sucha spoiler.
haha.

yupp.
grace was the highlights.
haha.
looked so adorable in her skirt.
we had the whole
superstar thing.
where she sang,
and we had to play the
role of starstruck adoring fans.
haha.
grace loves that feeling.
haha.
and we gladly obliged.

yes yes.
it was alrite after k box.
chilled in yoshi.
but i left soon after.
cos i am the only loser in the
world who still has a
curfew.
urghh.

yup.
thats all.
having dinner n movie later.
grace post birthday celebration.
haha.

byeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

spoke at : 10:51 PM

Thursday, September 28, 2006

as you know.
skipped school today.
i'm not going tml either.
going to the airport.
my brother's going to cambodia.
on some humanitarian thing.
2 weeks.
i'm gonna miss him.
awww.
wont have anyone to annoy.
damn.
haha.

and i wont have anyone to bitch
about all my friends to.
just kidding.
haha.

remind me to prepare a shopping list for him.
i have no idea what cambodia
sells.
but i heard they use u.s dollars.
like what the hell rite.
haha.
maybe he'll find some
cheap trinklets.
earrings? necklaces?
i seriously doubt
his ability to tell a necklace and a bracelet apart
though.
bet if i dont instruct him
properly,
he'll return with heart shaped ,
teddy bear types of jewerlry.
up till now, i still cant spell
jewellry properly.
jewelry? jewellery?
what ever.

yupp.
went for lunch today.
with lee.
his treat.
had fun talking and stuff.
catching up with him
about all the church scandal.
haha.

yupp.
then went____________.
with___________.
to do____________.

hahaha.
yupp.
okokay.
too bored to type.
yowie's birthday tml.
cant wait to
celebrate with her.
i love yowie.
my bestie.

byeeeeeeee.

spoke at : 6:42 AM

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

howdie.
ohhkayy.
thats lame.

i have nothing to say here really.
oh wait.
haha.
i really have to list down
all the famous "Putdowns"
said by mag low( form teacher)

i got caught laughing during english
class today.
when mrs low was mentioning how
academically horrible we were.
after the initial feeling of
sadness and dispair,
you'll get over it
and it begins to be quite funny.
hahhaha.
at times..
it can be tedious though.

hahaha.

yes mrs low.
we are nowhere near
the other schools.
haha.
we are second class.
haha.
we dont deserve to pass.
we are not distinction material.
we suck.
we suck.
hahahaha.
i know it sounds horrible.
but somehow
germaine, sk and i seem to be
able to make a joke out of it.

its really quite funny.
and u have to be there to truly
feel the humour.
hahaha.
now when she asks us questions
like, what she just asked me today.

"sara. where are you compared to them(other better schools)?"

my immediate reply: "Nowhere."

and other questions like

"what are you, next to them?"

"Nothing."

hahahhaa.
its like it totally drilled into our heads.
the answers come out automatically.
cool huh.

i know mag low
does this for
our good.
she's trying to scare us out
of our perpetual
lazy mood.

becareful mrs low.
we might actually begin
to believe that
we are good for nothings.
hmmm.
haha.

got a date tml.
i'm not going to school.
i'm sick of it.
byeeeeeeeeeee.

spoke at : 9:39 AM

Sunday, September 24, 2006

i'm sucha loser.

hi what a nice way of starting my post.
oh wells.

thats it.
i'm moving on.
i'm sick all my wishful thinking.
its annoying
and pathetic.

i hate being your friend.
really really hate it.
but i'll have to settle for that.

beggars cant be choosers.
and i'm definately in the
pitiful, poor beggar category.

oh wells.

i'm gonna focus on
on people who actually
take notice of me.
there are okayy.
i'm not so fugly.
regardless of what you might think.

my fellow friends.
please help me
in my mission
to rid my heart and mind
of this heart aching plague
by never mentioning that name
in front of me again.

your assistance will be
greatly appreciated.

okayy.
moving on.

went for mass finally.
it was really packed.
just barely found a seat with charmaine.
bryan, gabriel, alph n ali had
to seat outside.
haha.

ohh.
gabriel bought brownies.
:)
they were gooooood.
had only one though.
was eyeing the other one.
but that would be too gluttonish of me.
oh wells.
control yourself sara.
was s'posed to follow
gabriel to buy brownies.
but..
i was in seng kang with sk.
and connies.

i swear.
seng kang is like
in another country.
and the bus took so long
to arrive.
and the journey was worse.
fell asleep though.
connie took pictures of me.
humph.
so horrid.
haha.
you just wait connies.
i'll snap
unglam candid shots of you
soon.
and ask sk to upload them.
ha!

anyways.
poor gabriel.
din get the donald duck keychain.
hahaha.
bryan happy la.
got the couple one.
nevermind gabbie.
haha.
i'll turn for you.
thanks for daisy.
hahahhaha.

oh.
singapore idol today.
wonder if hubbs went for it.
know that
the alliance went.
everyone of you suck!!!
especially bryan jeremiah Ee!!!
right gabbie???
hhahahahaha
so bitter of me.
too bad.

you know the truth right sk?
haha.
oh wells.
same bloody boat.

okayy.
thats all.
maine maine.
i hope ur gums get better.
hahaha.
byeeeee.

in a world where no one cares,
love keeps slipping away.

spoke at : 8:55 AM

Friday, September 22, 2006

apparently.
sk complains that i dont mention her in my blog.
well.
sk.. you should consider yourself lucky.
usually.
when i mention people,
its usually rather nasty comments.
haha.
i rarely have nice nice things
to say about people.
well.
cant be helped.
i have to cater to the vast majority.
catty remarks are so much more
entertaining then goodly ones.
agree?
scandalous!!!
nyahahaha.

let me show you the difference.

Goodie Version:
ohh.
we had such a nice retreat today.
it was really spiritual and comforting.
i really feel so much more bonded with all
my friends.
the crying part was quite embaraasing.
but i feel that it was important.
because crying shows
that we are really feeling with all our hearts.
it just adds sincerity
to everything.
the hugging and singing was really
great too.
just made me so loved and close to God.
i really love retreats.
i just wanna say to all my friends that
i hope you guys forgive all my wrongs
and that we can start afresh!!!
God bless!

Nasty Sara Version:
haha.
had some lame retreat thing today.
have it like every year.
it was okayy i guess.
not as bad as i expected.
some parts like
singing those "feel good"
songs were like really lame though.
everyone was like crying la.
oh wells.
i did too.
but only in crucial
"cannot take it anymore moments."
yup.
did some friendship renewal thing.
we had to wash our hands in this basin.
urghh.
i have no idea whether it was
the water or the towel.
but our hands stank like crap
after that.
i'm guessing its the water.
i mean if like 40 over people
wash their hands in this same small
little basin of water
and the water isnt changed,
its probably a mixture of
dust, oil and perspiration
from sweaty palms after that.

grace said the towel was the real stinker.
could be.
anyway.
i almost fainted when i sniffed
at my hands after that.
urghh.
i think people with sweaty palms
should chop their hands off.
ahahhaha.
just kidding.
whoops.
hahahhaha.
what can i say.
my palms just arent sweaty.
hee hee.

but in general.
it was kinda good though.
like sort of heartwarming .
oh wells.
could be worst i guess.
:)

hahah.
see the difference now.
haha.
the nastier is funnier.
haha.
so sk.
i hope u understand
why i hardly mention you.
haha.
u're just too important .
so i dont wanna diss you in my blogg.
hahahaha.
but if you insist.
okayy.

sk was like tearing super alot
during the singing.
guess emo moments are unpredictable
when they just hit you suddenly.
she looked so adorable.
all flushed and smiling.
with tearing rolling down her cheeks.
i have to admit that i teared too.
but sk took the cake.
hahha.
oh wait.
i think grace yow is the winner.
hahha.
oh wells.

my back aches.
i'm stopping now.
before i turn into
quasimodo.
haha.
byeeeeeee.

spoke at : 8:42 AM

Thursday, September 21, 2006

hello.
changed my foont.
realised?
haha.

anyways.
i'm very very disturbed.
very.
i'm balding.
literally.
my hair is like falling by
the tens.
showering used to be my little haven.
relaxing and refreshing.
now its just pure scary hell.
hell.
i'm dying.
i bet i have this disease..
and i just dont know it yet.
bye world.
i used to take my hair for granted.
even to the extend of
pulling it out for
the simple sick fun of it.
now i"m paying for my sins!!!
i'm being punished.

people.
now you know
what to get me for christmas.
a wig.
or maybe everyone could pull
together some cash
for a visit to
Yun nam hair care?

i'm dying.
with every single strand
of hair that gets stuck to my comb,
clustered at the drain cover
in the bathroom,
and caught in my fingers
everytime i run my hands through it,
my soul just ebbs away.
like my hair thats fallin out.

somebody put me out of my misery!!!

enough.
stop it.
i'm scaring myself.
arghh.
moving on!!!

its my mum's birthday today.
happy birthday mummy.

oh yes.
tensions are rising.
or maybe they have been.
perhaps i've just been
too caught up
in my own little self pitying world
to notice.
oops.
i'm rather selfish.

guess once in a while.
volcanoes have to erupt
cause the earth has to let out
some steam.
like to prevent overheating?
so its probably a natural thing.
it'll pass people.

anyways.
meant to skip school today.
but got rang up by
jingyi
at like 8am.
(why the hell did i have to stupid answer my hp)
heard that mag low(our form teacher) flipped.
gave us until 9 am to reach school.
haii.
so i had to get out of bed
and get my butt to school.
sadly.
because i assumed that i would not be
attending school..
i happily slept at like 4, 5?
geez.
i'm so sleepy now.

dont wanna go to school tomorrow.
its like a retreat thing tml.
bet people are like gonna cry and all.
boring.
bet i wont shed a tear.
i hope i dont.
probably not.
oh well.
have to check my math paper tml too.
what a sucky day.
bleahh.

thats all.
any advise on
how to deal with hair loss
will be greatly appreciated.
maybe i need to cut my hair?
gasp.
please no..
i have been saving it for grad night.
ahhhhhhhhhhh.
oh well.

byeeeeeee.

spoke at : 8:16 AM

spoke at : 8:16 AM

Friday, September 15, 2006

so many secrets
to tell you.
but you'll never hear them.
because too much has happened.

i'll bear it all alone.
because i'm the only one
who will listen.

in the end.
you only have yourself.

keep smiling.
everything's alright.
just as long
as you lie to yourself.

spoke at : 10:36 PM

Monday, September 11, 2006

yes.
i am well aware that
i've neglected you, blog.
please dont give me that
injured look.
i'm sorry.
i will try to be more consistent
in the future.

okayy.
lets see.
whats new.
ohh.
haha.
i went to the library
today with sk and connie.
we were supposed to study.
well.
i think they did.
but i sure did not.
anyways.
we sat around this really
big study table.
like there were other people
sitting around it too.
and so they studied
while i read my book.
then all of a sudden,
sk whispered across the table
to me.
and she was like
pointing to this girl that
was sitting like near me.
and so i looked at what sk was
pointing at.
initially, i though that
the girl was just sucking on a
sweet or something.
cos her mouth was moving.
then, she took whatever was
sucking on out of her mouth,
and then i realised that she
was sucking on a freaking ring!

she was like nuts la.
she would take it out
of her mouth,
slip it back onto
her finger.
remove it from her finger..
roll it cross the table.
and put it back into her mouth.

and there was this time.
when she just rolled it on the table.
and it would make
that annoying sound
as it stops rolling
and clatters on the table.
roll
and roll
and roll.
and all the time.
connie, sk n i were
just like dying to laugh out loud.

i think there was this horrified
look on my face.
cause i was like look
at how she rolled the freaking ring
all over the table.
where god knows how many
people have spread themselves
all over, and probably
fallen asleep on it and drooled.
and there she was happily
rolling it
and then playing with it on her fingers
and finally putting it
into her mouth to
suck on it.
omg.
its like a germ lollipop!

she was really freakish.
and she kinda distracted us
for like a really long while.
so now we know.
freaks are not allowed in the library.
they are a distraction.
:)
okayy. that was mean.
mean ole sara.
:)

oh yes.
please dont bother to
watch the host.
its like really blah.
at least i think so.
well.
so does sasha.
it sucked especially for her.
cos i was screaming my lungs
out right into her ear.
andf i was the only screamer
in the entire fully packed cinema.
yes i know.
there must be something
wrong with everyone else.
i mean.
i'm confidant that there were like
loads of scream inducing moments.
but i was the only one.
why?
but its not scary.
just shocking.
and the part when the weird
mutant, half fish, half squid thing came
running out of the water
and chasing everyone
was really lame.
it reminded me of godzilla.
like hello.
godzilla?
wth rite.
but its funny.
so its up to you.
nats's mum said
its a good movie.
hmm.

yupp. thats all.
had maths today.
paper 2.
i'm sure you all know
me well enough
to get it right.
say no more.

hahaha.
okayy. byeeeeeeee.

spoke at : 8:37 AM

Sunday, September 03, 2006

was too late for mass yesterday.
whoops.
i'm such a bad catholic.
how.

anyways.
was with sk.
mey bryan n gabriel.
after a long deliberation of where to eat.
we decided to pastamania.
sk's choice.
haha.
the food was okay luh.
what do u expect
from pastamania.
i ordered my usual.
creamy chicken.
(i never seem to get past that)
which i shared with sk.
gabriel ordered the
spicy crayfish.
and bryan odered the
country baked.
which sucked.
haha.
the crayfish was the best
of the lot.
although gabriel
complained about
its lack of quality.
oh wells.
coming from an
aspiring chef to be.
i guess its justifiable.

we wanted to
rent a vcd.
but realised that connie
forgot to returned a previous rental.
and so we couldnt.
annyance.
and to top it all off.
bryan couldnt find hostel
so he couldnt lend it to me.
which was a pity.
cos i really really
want to watch it.

anyways.
we chilled under a block
for awhile
and amused ourselves.
by playing with a
cockroach.
it was cruel and sick.
haha.
we took turns trying to burn, step maim
it.
haha.
and gabriel kept
insisting that
cockroaches dont die if you step on
them because they
regenerate.
"regen" he claims.
obviously no one believes that theory.
otherwise "cockroaches rule"
which is not possible.

and so he asked me to
step on one.
and bring it home ina box.
and he claimed that
in like maybe 2 weeks or so.
it would be alive again.
either that..
or it would be gone.
and i would fine a hole
in the box i placed in.
as it would have allegedly
bit its way through the box
and escaped.

like hello.
would i even be bothered
enough to test if his hypothesis
were correct.
if it means having
to willingly and consciously
bringing a cockroach home
its never gonna happen.

so incase anyone has a burning desire
to test if gabriel's
theory is correct.
u can d.i.y
otherwise, just take his word for it.

however sk and i feel
strongly otherwise.
yupp.
the rest is up to you
to decide.

okayy. this is all for now.
maybe later.

spoke at : 3:34 AM