i saw a white butterfly at night today.
pure white.
though it was a piece of paper floating
in the air.
and no,
i did not mistake it for a moth.
its a butterfly.
but what's it doing
flying around at night?
couldnt help thinking about angels
and angels of death.
haha.
maybe the white butterfly is an angel of death?
you think?
it was really pretty you know.
i stopped to stare at it for awhile.
made a new friend today.
from another class.
its amazing how singapore is so small.
and yet two people
like her and i
can have lived too extremely different lives.
i thought i had it bad.
until i knew them.
trust me people.
we're living the lives of the rich and famous.
there's this certain edge to
the students here.
honestly, its like they've been hardened by life too early.
i know it sounds corny.
but its seems to me
that they have really been exposed
to the uglier pictures.
beside them, i feel gullible and
alienish.
maybe thats why i'm so quiet in school.
i already have too much on my
hands from observing them.
its amazing how much you can learn about others
over lunchtime.
i dont even have to talk.
the occassional word here or there.
of course there's just
the slight problem
of feeling like you dont belong there.
in every aspect.
and i mean EVERY aspect.
you know what it feels like to be me right now?
i feel like a journalist.
sent to war
to learn about the situation.
so that i can report and write about it.
dangerous and terrifying.
thrilling and interesting.
and lonely.
yes.
extreme lonliness.
i'd rather be sitting by myself on a bus.
staring out of the window.
knowing that i'm really alone.
and there's a reason why.
then
belonging in a group of
friends. (maybe not yet)
surrounded by laughter and chatter.
yet feeling so alone.
with no clue why.
maybe i still need time.
we all do.
i feel like i'm mentally excluding myself.
always pointing out the differences between them and I.
i still miss my real friends.
but maybe i can make more here.
i just need time.
loads and loads of it.
oh yes.
one more thing.
will someone please invent a teleport machine.
i need one.
really really really badly.