this is stupid.
my movie is taking damn bloody long to load or buff.
whatever.
after like ages, only like 3 percent has been loaded.
wtf.
i'm so tempted to DELETE all my brother's
DOTA and WOW. shit.
he keeps insisting that those have nothing to
do with the slowness of the com.
but i disagree.
the only way to find out is to delete it while
he's away at camp.
HAHAHA.
but i darent.
he'd kill me.
so anyways.
went out again today.
but didnt drink though.
cant possibly be drinking like everyday right.
just did that last night.
i use to hate alcohol.
but now, i crave for it.
like, i feel like guzzling down mouthfuls of icy cold beer.
whoooooo.
but its not really that nice when you drink it.
its nicer just thinking of gulping it.
okayy.
lets check my movie.
oh wow.
9 percent loaded.
fuck.
have to get up early to go to NKF with my mum tmr.
she wants me to sit and listen
to her while she give health counselling to her patients.
nice.
"exposure" she calls it.
i wonder if smoking is allowed on the compound.
hahaha.
my aunt from malaysia is here again.
very good.
now i have free clinic facial cleanser to use.
haha.
everytime she comes i make the most of her cleanser.
not that she knows though,
but i consider it my due, since its only
right that i use her nice facial foam if she's using my shampoo.
my face feel so smooth.
wish my mum were that type.
but no.
she doesnt believe in paying good money for such facial products.
insists that her skin is good BECAUSE she doesnt use such stuff.
damn.
WHAT. only 15 percent?
urghh.
i have nothing left to say.
had a nice talk with cheryl today.
about like relationships and stuff.
over our usual kfc.
(gotta stop eating that)
talked about how all of us have been GREAT BIG FOOLS.
really.
i mean, ask anyone,
they'd all admit to having been someone's fool.
i would say "fool in love" but i dont really believe in love, so ya..
not that kind of love anyway.
i swear at all cost,
i'm never going to be anyone's fool anymore.
once was more than enough.
i love my life now.
really love it.
hanging out with the same people, people i'm comfortable with.
people whom i dont have to explain to and continously prove my worth to.
i really hate that you know.
constantly feeling that i have to prove to people that i'm not stupid.
when did my life get to this?
after getting into ITE?
(yes, wow finally spelled it out)
when is this going to end.
this constant fear of being automatically labelled dumb.
and my defensive attitude?
sometimes i wonder if i'm an embarrassment.
you know, to my family and friends?
like openly, everyone tells me they are proud of me.
and yes, i believe that.
but sometimes, i wonder if ever,
at work, if someone asks my dad "where is your daughter now?"
wonder if he lies.
or maybe he tries to change the subject.
i know i do.
what if my friends say "yupp, all my other friends are in poly and jc."
does that happen?
or is it just my doubting mind?
that why i detest attending family functions and meeting new friends now.
i'd rather stick to those who understand me.
and know that i'm not really stupid.
and would never make such joke at my expanse.
cause it can be such a chore sometimes.
trying to explain and prove myself.
tiring, you know?
well.
dont know how all that came up.
but really.
except for the occassional hiccups.
everything else is going great.
my friends, school, even life at home is unusually smooth.
i just love having a goal, a passion, and drive.
friends and family just complete it all.
no commitment, no stress.
its about all i can manage right now.
yupp.
great.
29 percent.
haha.
fuck it.
going to watch tv and drink soup.
at least i dont have to wait for my tv programme to bloody load.
bye bye!!